susansdogs
My bulldog Eloise had to be put down because she was dying of fatal cancer on February 25th, but my grief is increasing so much as time goes on. I don’t know how to bear it. Has anyone experienced the same?
Susan Culp
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Dakota13
It’s been 4 months for me and it’s been hard. Our furbaby was 13. You are going through a normal grieving period. Your furbaby had cancer. Would you have wanted further suffering? My baby had health issues as well but it would have been selfish of me to allow him to suffer any further. Yes I miss him terribly but know I made the right choice. I’m sure he is much happier now and not in pain any more.
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jerigraehl
I am so sorry. I am at the same place. The pain is unbearable. I have also lost a pet to cancer. It was due to a rabies shot - he got an uncurable tumor at the site of a rabies shot that my vet insisted on giving him - claimed a bat could have bitten him when he got out of the house for 3 days . I felt completely responsible. Now I am going through the loss of another cat whom I feel responsible for his condition of getting pacriatitis from unregulated diabetes. He was 15 so due to a series of events I chose to euthanize him. Now I question the decision. He could have possible pulled through. I had taken him to emergency and they left him for 5 hours with no treatment despite telling me how criticlal he was. They did not give him the fluids that they said would take one hour for 5 hours. I took him home with iv fluids - took 10 minutes to administer. He was still so sick in the morning I took him back to emergency. They said it was possible he may survive. He was 15. I feel now with unbearable regret that I did not wait one more day so I could go to a regular vet. I am very disappointed in the first vet I took him too as well as the emergency clinic for the way they handled it. Long story. The grief has made me unable to function well enough to be clear. I wish I could bring him back and wait longer. I just felt he was in so  much pain and I did not want him to suffer for me. As I said now tho I am second guessing.  This is the price we pay for loving them so much. When they are gone - however and whatever the circumstances - they are gone. Nothing helps get us thru it except time. You are not alone. I am so sorry for your loss. You did not say how old Eloise was. If she was not at her lifespane end the pain is worse possibly. Khaomanee was 15 as I said. Had he pulled through it was a matter of time once the health starts to go. He also had a high calcium level that can be a cancer indicator but maybe not. Grief comes in waves. If you have not looked up the stages do so. It is not linear - the stages go back and forth. I am all over the map myself. I just want him back so bad just like you. Jeri
jerigraehl
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susansdogs
Thank you for yur replies. I too blame myself for not having her leg tumor removed sooner, or feeding her dry dog food, which ai later learned was not healthy, so many things but I cared for her and we gave her a good home. She had excellent vet care. She was only 9 but had many health probems. I feel that we had no choice but havre her put to sleep, as she was dying and so miserable. It’s unbearable at times as she was my baby.
Susan Culp
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susansdogs
Thank you for yur replies. I too blame myself for not having her leg tumor removed sooner, or feeding her dry dog food, which ai later learned was not healthy, so many things but I cared for her and we gave her a good home. She had excellent vet care. She was only 9 but had many health probems. I feel that we had no choice but havre her put to sleep, as she was dying and so miserable. It’s unbearable at times as she was my baby. Susan
Susan Culp
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Memories_of_Marmalade

Dear Susan,

I am very sorry to hear what you are going through with your grief. I too am still completely overwhelmed. It will be 10 weeks for me tomorrow, since I chose to have my best friend to sleep. His name was "Marmalade" and he saved my life countless times with his loyalty, devotion, companionship, friendship, kindness, love & affection. I could simply no longer watch him continue to deteriorate. He was becoming a shadow of his former self. That could not happen on my watch, regardless of what I am having to endure. I owed him to make that decision in the end to stop his pain & suffering.

I think it may be a little comforting for you to make sure to remember two things: 

1.) A dog's natural lifespan "in the wild", if it is a mid-size to larger dog is only around 10 years. For smaller to smaller mid-size dog it is much less. Dogs were simply not designed or engineered biologically to live as long as they do, when they are domesticated by humans. We add years to their life by providing them with shelter (against natural, larger predators and the weather / elements), access to regular food and fresh water, the occasional trip to the Vet's (and possible medication) and love & affection (which is important to overall well-being.) We all know that "forever" would not be long enough with our beloved's, but we need to remember the above at all times when we are grieving. The truth is you provided very well for your dog. And when it comes to food? It is a very tricky issue. Yes, we can switch types, brands and ingredients etc., but even then that does not mean that doing this will extend the lifespan of our pets. Dogs can still become terminally ill when they reach their senior years around 7 to 10 years of age. Just as we humans do. They begin to physically break down, just as we do in our older age.

People are afraid of aging and afraid of death and grieving. So quite often "facts" do not come into the equation. When people say that middle age for a person is around 50 to 60 years old? That is an old wives tale. I am 57 years old. I will not live to be 114 years old. The truth is middle age for a human is around 35 years old. And actually I've lost count of the friends and family I have had in my life whom passed away in their 50's and 60's. For them middle age was 25 to 30 years old.

The other important thing to remember is what you are experiencing with your grief is the following saying (this is not exact):

2.) "When we agree to end our pet's pain & suffering, and show them mercy, we agree to than take their pain & suffering onto ourselves. To transfer their pain & suffering into our own bodies. We absorb that negative energy, and we process it through our grief. That is the bargain that we make." This is what many of us who made that final, fatal choice are coping with. Are enduring. Are trying to survive through. This is the price that we must pay.

So please be gentle and understanding with yourself. "Time" is how we process grief. Each of us has a built-in healing mechanism. It is each of our birthright. We must allow it to work. It will work if we give it time. Moment by moment, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, night by night, week by week, month by month, and yes for some, year by year. As many have said here, there is no time limit on grief and for each person it is different. But the statistics here prove, in hundreds and hundreds of posts / comments, that time and time again, most of us WILL heal. And that someday soon, we will be able to look back at our memories of our beloved pet's and only our happiest, most cherished memories will come predominately to mind. 

My sincerest condolences & kindest regards,
James


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