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Angi
Christina, thank you so much for your kind words and support. Why can't we have support groups in person. I've checked my area and no way a group and/or a grief counselor for pets...yeah, not. Closest is over an hour away. So again thank YOU for helping me and just talking it out and listening. Nobody cares like we do...it's like he was just an animal and then the calm comes over me NOW and I can think to myself exactly what you said. It's a real shame they've never known the love and bond of a pet. I feel sorry for them for missing out in life over that experience. And why do ppl keep asking why don't get another dog. You'd give it a great like like you did your boys and there are bunches to be adopted and .....you get my drift. Maybe it's me but I just lost my second best friend. Next month it will be the one year anniversary of his brother. No you don't replace them and, in time, God puts that in my path, well that's then. Now I need time to heal and cry. My whole "normal" is not the same anymore. I hate coming home. I actually stayed at the office and worked til almost 9 last night bc it kills my soul to walk in here without them (Tommy last year) and now with the loss of Chucky not being here. It's cold and quiet and just missing life. Why can't we opt out to go be with them now. Why do we have to wait. I'm pretty religious but I know I let God down now and then. But at least now I'm not mad at him anymore and since it's only been 4 days that is doing great for me!!

Well sweetie, I've got to run and get ready for work. Now it's your time to tell me all about your 14 years with your Polo. Tell me all about him. Share so I can smile and cry with you because you've made a big big difference with your absolute kindness of opening your heart and reaching out and checking on me and listening to me rant. I appreciate you. But your turn.

P. S. As you can see I haven't been on here for 2 days I think. It's so hard to explain. I feel better reading about others and what y'all are going through but at the same time I cry so much more on here because I know these ppl care. They come here to help support and be supportive so I think that's why I cry more bc it's real and ppl genuinely care and want to share. So a day or two may pass bc I know I'm going to go through a box of tissues when I log on and sometimes I don't think I can get any lower or hurt anymore - but now I can't wait to hear about you and your baby so I'll check tonight or tomorrow (if I decide to work late again).

Thank you, Christina. You are a blessing from a God for me. I only hope in time I can repay the favor and be here for you. Have a good day, friend.
-Angi
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Turtle
Feeling for you. I lost 3 to renal failure and one to a blood clot to the heart. I was able to keep them alive and happy for about a year after the vet said they should be put down.

Your little one will go gently and without pain. This is a gift you are giving to your loved pet. 

It's great to kn ow that at least we have understanding here. My cats were my life, too - I have lost my only family.

Sending you a hug.

Turtle
Swr
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miztina249
Angi wrote:
Christina, thank you so much for your kind words and support. Why can't we have support groups in person. I've checked my area and no way a group and/or a grief counselor for pets...yeah, not. Closest is over an hour away. So again thank YOU for helping me and just talking it out and listening. Nobody cares like we do...it's like he was just an animal and then the calm comes over me NOW and I can think to myself exactly what you said. It's a real shame they've never known the love and bond of a pet. I feel sorry for them for missing out in life over that experience. And why do ppl keep asking why don't get another dog. You'd give it a great like like you did your boys and there are bunches to be adopted and .....you get my drift. Maybe it's me but I just lost my second best friend. Next month it will be the one year anniversary of his brother. No you don't replace them and, in time, God puts that in my path, well that's then. Now I need time to heal and cry. My whole "normal" is not the same anymore. I hate coming home. I actually stayed at the office and worked til almost 9 last night bc it kills my soul to walk in here without them (Tommy last year) and now with the loss of Chucky not being here. It's cold and quiet and just missing life. Why can't we opt out to go be with them now. Why do we have to wait. I'm pretty religious but I know I let God down now and then. But at least now I'm not mad at him anymore and since it's only been 4 days that is doing great for me!!

Well sweetie, I've got to run and get ready for work. Now it's your time to tell me all about your 14 years with your Polo. Tell me all about him. Share so I can smile and cry with you because you've made a big big difference with your absolute kindness of opening your heart and reaching out and checking on me and listening to me rant. I appreciate you. But your turn.

P. S. As you can see I haven't been on here for 2 days I think. It's so hard to explain. I feel better reading about others and what y'all are going through but at the same time I cry so much more on here because I know these ppl care. They come here to help support and be supportive so I think that's why I cry more bc it's real and ppl genuinely care and want to share. So a day or two may pass bc I know I'm going to go through a box of tissues when I log on and sometimes I don't think I can get any lower or hurt anymore - but now I can't wait to hear about you and your baby so I'll check tonight or tomorrow (if I decide to work late again).

Thank you, Christina. You are a blessing from a God for me. I only hope in time I can repay the favor and be here for you. Have a good day, friend.
-Angi


Hi Angi,

You have no idea how much it means to me that I was able to help if only a little just by "listening" here. You have helped me as well, just sharing our losses and not feeling alone in our grief helps.

As for your not being on here, I do the same thing. I think that is just part of the process as well. I'd love to tell you all about Polo and his wonderful life with us...But every time I try to write his story my brain is not able to focus. It is still a bit hard. He was a really special little dog, my husband never wanted a small dog but became a convert with our first dog Jax who was a Yorkie. We lost Jax when he was 6 years old to multiple health issues, I swore that was it and I'd never get another dog. The pain of losing him was too much.

A few months after losing him I was flipping through the channels on the TV and stopped on Animal Planet. They were doing a show on the Havanese breed, I watched the show and fell in love with the breed. They were a very rare breed at the time, but I love a challenge. I researched the breed and found that they were so rare that if I was able to find a breeder I'd be in for a long wait. I chose the best breeder I could find and got approved, she also happened to be a Veterinarian. Her name was Doc Baldwin and she was dedicated to the breed, I feel so lucky to have known her and to have gotten one of her dogs. She called me a short while later and told me she had one special boy that needed a special home and she wanted to place him with us. That of course was our Polo, 2 months later he came home with us. He was an absolute joy, they are very people oriented "Velcro" dogs and natural clowns, not to mention really cute little dogs. We were in love at first sight. We didn't forget Jax, not even for a second. We were not looking for a replacement, that was part of the reason we didn't even want the same breed. We had a new little life to love and nuture and that helped our hearts start to heal and grow.

That was the start of our 14 years with our special little boy. He was as close to perfect as any dog could be. He was always happy and in a good mood, he was up for anything at any time as long as he was with us. He could happily hang out with my 80 year old mom or a biker gang and would keep everyone laughing with his antics. He had a "girlfriend" who was a little white Bichon named Maggie. He adored her and they were adorable to watch together. He also had a friend (my friend and neighbors dog) who lived across the street, his name was Oliver. Oliver died of heart failure 6 years ago and Polo never stopped looking for him. Every day when I'd take him out to get the mail, he would look across the street to see if Oliver was there. He was such a little creature of habit, he played with the same toys for his entire life. We bought him truckloads of toys, he just had favorites. He'd play with them for a bit and then go right back to his favorites,

Every night he had a cute little routine he'd go through before he settled in for bed right between our pillows. For a little dog he took up a lot of space on a King sized bed, lol. I didn't care, I don't take up a lot of room and I hated disturbing him. I'd hang of the bed before I disturbed his sleep. He snored sometimes, it would make my heart so happy to hear that sound, yet when my H snores I give him a nudge to roll over...The sound is not cute like it was when Polo did it.

We had almost 14 perfect years with him, he only spent one night away from us in his whole life. He went everywhere with us, he was a great traveler. We were so fortunate that his life was a good and healthy one. Aside from allergies in the spring and fall he was perfectly healthy for his whole life, we were so blessed. Losing him was such a shock and a terrible blow...But we wouldn't trade the 14 years we got to share with him for anything...
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Angi
Hey Christina. Thank you for telling me about your previous Polo. Like I said before I can't get on here too often bc I cry constantly as it is and when I see your pics and hear your stories my heart cries for you too. I know the hurt and I'm so very sorry you had to endure that. I want my guy back. I can't go on like this. I don't want to go on like this. They were like "Turtle" said above...they were my only family from 9 weeks to almost 14 years too. And I hate this. I hate that ppl do not understand. I hate that I have to push those memories far deep down until I get home and I'm alone. This is too hard and I do not see any future without them. You know. This is a bad week. Chucky should be coming home tomorrow and Wednesday is the one year anniversary for Tommy and I'm so broken and empty and alone without them. I had no other life than them. Got divorced many many years ago. Never remarried and no 2 legged kids. So it's just me. And I see Chucky everywhere. When I got out of the shower this morning, out of habit I opened the door and peaked out to see if he had moved from his spot in our kind bed to my pillows. He'd plop on there as soon as I got in the shower. But he wasn't there this morning. You know sometimes it's easier talking to strangers - like I don't want to hurt myself, etc although I am disappointed every am I wake up and I'm still here. Why can't God take me now too. He sees our heart. He sees how this is killing me. I've asked him to help with the pain and emptiness - but it's still here. Thank you for being here tonight. I just needed a shoulder of a friend who truly cares and understands my pain.

Pls have a good day tomorrow. Imma pray that my boys met yours and they are altogether waiting for us. You guys on here are the only ones I can talk to and explain that I don't want to be here wo them and you all get it and don't think I'm nuts or going to do something stupid. You know by saying that how deep the wounds are how incredibly painful this is. 2 weeks since Chucky left and everyone thinks I should be normal. Okay I can put on that face like the antidepressant meds commercials where they hold up a happy face in front of their sad faces. Have you seen that commercial. Thats how I feel and I'm on 2 antidepressants plus Valium. Good grief. I just can't muddle through life like this for another whole year. I'm not that strong and my desire to be with them again and be their constant companion and friend and the only one in the world who'd jump in front of a car for them. The loyalty goes both ways in our case. Well friend, I'm sorry for unloading. I just didn't honestly know who I could talk to that would understand me and not patronize me - you came to mind first. Imma go snuggle on their bed with their blsnkie and fav toy and a clipping of Chuckys fur. See, I AM NUTS. I hate this new normal. I'll keep you in my prayers tonight. I do thank God for bringing me you. Nite my sweet friend.
-Angi
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Hf1031
It's not easy My Willy was put down yesterday and all I've done is cry. He was 11 got a brain tumor related to cushings, like you I spent a few thousand on tests lots of tests. In the end I chose not to do radiation. My heart is broken
So one way of handling it is by finding this site with people who understand how much it hurts. After he passed the Dr said to me the best gift I could give him was doing this while his tail still wagged.
I hope this helps I also took him this past weekend to a park he liked just me an him kind of like the bucket list. I'm so glad I did that as I have a great memory
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Angi
Hf1031, morning. Just thought I'd pop on real quick while getting ready for work. Read your post and my heart smiled but it cried too. I love the message Willy gave you when he wagged his tail...it was like saying "thank you mom, I've had the best life ever but I'm tired now and I need to go accomplish my next task....go to Heaven and prepare a home for us so when it's your turn, I'll be waiting and everything will be perfect." Like he was trying to say you gave him the best life and now it's his turn to do the same for you. See, my head and heart believes that... but my heart just cries out "why". "God, I was not ready yet."

I'm thankful for everyone on here sharing bc that's the only comfort I have. My furbaby family members on here! Y'all help validate my feelings when others are like "she needs to get over it - it was a dog - not like s real person." Yes, my office mate has said that. I've overheard her. But she's wrong bc they were my "real" children. Heck, I got more joy from them in all those years than I'm sure someone with a 2 legged kid ever thought about receiving.

Oh well, it's time to say "thank you" to you guys and I'm wishing each of y'all a beautiful day. I've got to stop getting upset or my contacts will never go in my eyes and I need to get ready for work. Oh God, this is so very hard. What can I do. I'm sure the vet will call today to tell me my Chucky is ready to be picked up and brought home to his final resting place....right beside his brother - his most favorite place in the world to be - stuck like glue to his brother. But my heart is still aching like crazy - like I want to say forget the job - forget everything and just stay in bed and sleep. If I may ask, y'all please keep me in your prayers too bc there are times I can't put one foot in front of the other and I have no desire to. My family is gone. My BFFs are gone. And at times I think God has forgotten about me too. 😞
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miztina249
Hf1031 wrote:
It's not easy My Willy was put down yesterday and all I've done is cry. He was 11 got a brain tumor related to cushings, like you I spent a few thousand on tests lots of tests. In the end I chose not to do radiation. My heart is broken
So one way of handling it is by finding this site with people who understand how much it hurts. After he passed the Dr said to me the best gift I could give him was doing this while his tail still wagged.
I hope this helps I also took him this past weekend to a park he liked just me an him kind of like the bucket list. I'm so glad I did that as I have a great memory


I'm so sorry for your loss. There are plenty of people here who understand the grief you are feeling all to well. I lost my first dog to Cushings, it can be a brutal disease. Your vet was right, letting him go while he could still wag his tail. Our little boy was losing that when we decided it was time, his eyes told us it was time...It is still so hard to be without him.

Big hugs to all of you.
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Hf1031
I thought I'd see it in his eyes and looking at some pictures told the story. I read somewhere to pick 3 signs to help make the decision. I had the first which was he stopped eating the second was going to be when he didn't want to take a walk and I'm sure now the brain tumor was mixed in there. If I had waited until he stopped going for his walks it would have been unfair. I'm so lucky I had a vet the was so understanding and compassionate.
Thank you this is helping getting it out
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miztina249
Hf1031 wrote:
I thought I'd see it in his eyes and looking at some pictures told the story. I read somewhere to pick 3 signs to help make the decision. I had the first which was he stopped eating the second was going to be when he didn't want to take a walk and I'm sure now the brain tumor was mixed in there. If I had waited until he stopped going for his walks it would have been unfair. I'm so lucky I had a vet the was so understanding and compassionate.
Thank you this is helping getting it out


It really does help to have a compassionate vet, the decision is so difficult. I've had to do this twice now and both times I had a vet come to our house to do it. Last month with Polo my husband didn't want to let him decline further. He was having tremendous anxiety from the disease. So while he could still eat and walk, he wasn't OK unless we were holding him. He no longer slept through the night and wouldn't even go get water on his own. My vet told me he'd be lucky to make it through the summer, but in the condition he was in I don't know what good that extra time would have been. He was so frightened, it was heartbreaking. It was hard to let him go, but it was the right thing to do.
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Marie123
I lost my sweet black cat Raven to kidney failure and a tumor on her liver just before Easter. I did everything I could just like you did. But the weekend before Easter she took a turn for the worse and I just couldn't see her in pain anymore. My heart goes out to you. Just know that Gracie was a very lucky girl having you to love her so much, and in the end you showed her the ultimate act of love-a peaceful and dignified way out of her pain. For that is the bravest and most selfless thing someone can do for a loved one.
Blessings to you 🐾
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