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Sandybag

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Posts: 59
Reply with quote  #16 
Hi Bebop - just checking in to see how things are and how you are doing? Thanks for the book recommendations.

Hope you are ok.
x

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Sandy
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Bebop2002

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Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #17 
This has been an extremely hard month and I know it is far from over. Bebop is still alive, but the end is coming. He is in renal failure, which we discovered after he had a seizure on Dec. 1. All month, I have been giving him fluids twice a week and on a K/D diet, but there isn't much more I can do but love him and wait. Christmas was painful knowing it was our last one together. Then, on Dec 26, he had another seizure followed by another seizure yesterday morning. The vet has put him on antiseizure meds, but it is just one more thing showing me that I am losing my child, which he is to me. I have already seen a therapist who helped and said I am dealing with anticipatory grief that comes when a mother is losing her child. I am so terrified of what my life is going to be like without my Corgi in it, but watching him have seizures the past two mornings has made it real that I will somehow have to live life no longer being his mother. I don't see how I will go on doing trivial life things or ever find joy again. I am also scared of forgetting him. He has always been there for me for 17 years!!! How can I function day to day without him? He will be cremated and we will always have that, but I want him as my dog physically here and I know the day will come where he won't be anymore. I am so scared.
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ForeverLovingJJ

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Posts: 24
Reply with quote  #18 
My heart is breaking for you. I wish I could say that I can only imagine how you feel....but I do know how you feel. I know how awful it is to watch your precious baby suffer through a seizure. I am so sorry that you are experiencing that.

No one can ease this pain for you and I am so sorry for that. This is a loss that nothing can prepare you for but it was so wise for you to speak with a therapist. My husband wants me to talk with someone because I am not dealing well with my loss. He seems to think that a therapist can help me cope better.

Don't be afraid of forgetting Bebop. I don't think that could ever be a possibility. He is your child and no one or nothing can ever replace him. No one ever tells us before we get our pets how excruciating it is to say goodbye. I guess that's a good thing because I wouldn't have experienced the precious love of my sweet boy JJ and you would never have had the love of sweet Bebop.

I know you're scared. I wish I or someone else on these forums could help you. The only thing I can say is, you're not alone. We know how you feel. All your feelings are real and true. I'm going to pray for you and you will be in my thoughts.


Everyone is taught that angels have wings,
but the lucky ones of us find they have 4 paws.....

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Suzanne
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Bebop2002

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Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #19 
Suzanne, I am saving your lovely post.  Thank you.  Please consider talking to a therapist.  She was so understanding and did help a lot.  I am going to see her again in January for more help.  From another thread on here, (I think it is titled "Breaking Down"), I discovered Brent Atwater's You Tube videos and joined her Facebook Group.  Those videos and talking about Bebop with my husband and breaking down in grief every few hours is the only thing that got me through yesterday.  One day at a time.  You are not alone either.    {{{{{HUGS  HUGS HUGS HUGS}}}}}}
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Bebop2002

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Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #20 
We put Bebop to sleep today. He had fluid accumulating in his chest and crashed before the ER could drain everything. They brought him back long enough for us to say goodbye. We are devastated. I do not know how I will ever feel happiness again. I want him back so bad, but not like he has been the last four days. I guess that is what everyone wishes, and if there was a way, it would have been discovered by now. Dogs do not live long enough.
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ForeverLovingJJ

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Posts: 24
Reply with quote  #21 
I am so so very sorry....there really is nothing that anyone can say to make this less painful.

Bebop passed knowing that you loved him and I'm sure you did everything you could in his last days to care for him with the most loving care. I am relieved to hear that you were able to say goodbye.

Take care of yourself and take things one day at a time. Remember that you are not alone in your grief and that everyone here understands how you feel.

You will be in my thoughts.

Rest in peace sweet Bebop


I only wanted you

They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I’d walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

Author unknown

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Suzanne
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Jen_white0803

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Posts: 8
Reply with quote  #22 
I’m so sorry! My 14 yr old cat Cosette was in late stage kidney disease and she had fluid accumulating in her lungs so I had to put her to sleep at the ER several days ago. It is the worst pain and the biggest void. But you were there for Bebop in his final moments on earth and he knew you were there and he knows how great your love for him is. You did everything right to help him live the best and longest life possible. You will never forget Bebop and I think our sweet babies are always with us- looking after us and comforting us. You’re in the worst of it now. I was in shock for 2 days because I thought I had a few more weeks with her and never thought I’d lose her so fast. They don’t live long enough. I’m so sorry.

You and your family are in my thoughts. ❤️

XO

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Bebop2002

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Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #23 
Wow Jen, that is exactly how it went with Bebop.  My husband and I are blaming ourselves thinking "was it only the kidneys?  Did he have congestive heart failure and we missed it?  Way did everything happen so fast?  We weren't ready yet?"  But, we would never have been ready.  My husband immediately collapsed to the floor once we came back home and sobbed.  I collected bebop's beds and toys and my husband then crawled there and wept.  I was terrified of waking up this morning and woke up at 3am just to get the "first morning" without Bebop over with.  The heavy ache in my chest is just so constant.  My goal is just to get through this day, especially knowing I will hear fireworks and celebrating tonight.  Just want to get through......
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Bebop2002

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Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #24 
This is what I saw when I woke up this morning. Could it be Bebop? I want to see a heart on top of a cross with Bebop under it? Am I crazy? Is he in heaven?

Moon and Star.jpg 

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Sandybag

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Posts: 59
Reply with quote  #25 
Im am so very sorry for the loss of Bebop. I know how you must be feeling and just how much pain you are in.
I absolutely believe that this is a sign from Bebop letting you know he loves you and that he is in heaven now.
Its a sign designed to give you comfort and peace of mind that Bebop is happy and will always be close to you.

Much love

Sandy.

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Sandy
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