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Bebop2002

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Reply with quote  #1 
My beloved Corgi is dying of Kidney failure. He is almost 17 and is my child, 100%. My husband and I have no two legged children. We got Bebop at 8 weeks old and he has been my co-pilot in life though military moves and deployments, deaths, depression, loneliness, he was always there for me. I let him into places in my heart I would never allow another person. I am in more pain than I have ever felt before. I don't know how I will go on living without him in my life. I am terrified of the day when he will leave me.  I know I need to be strong for him now and I am, but I have such a heavy weight of grief on my chest everyday.  I am going to see a therapist next week who has already told me I am 100% experiencing the pain of a "mother's loss for her child."  I am almost to scared to go because I am worried Bebop will die while I am gone, but the therapist insisted I see her before, not after Bebop's passing so she can help with my grief now.  I really cannot see a life without Bebop in it.  How will I ever feel pleasure again once he is gone.  How did you all get through this pain and grief?  Thank you for helping me.....
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Sandybag

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Reply with quote  #2 
I am so so sorry to hear the pain you are experiencing. It's the worst feeling in the world. I absolutely know how you are feeling as Ive just lost my baby too. The grief is like a physical pain in your heart it really is.
I cry everyday for my loss.
Please know that we have all been through what you are going through and we are all here for you.
Spend as much time with Bebop as you can as he knows that you love him he really does.
Sending you love and light.

Sandy.

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Jubee7303

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Reply with quote  #3 
I lost my best friend a month ago, age 16. Also raised from a pup. Also this was my child. Also went through all the hardships of life together. I anticipated like you how I would ever survive her being gone. I’ll be blunt, for me its worse than i ever anticipated. I have a friend who lost her daughter and i asked her how ever did she get past the grief and carry on with that hole inside. And she told me you just carry it. Its a sadness that you dont run from. She said it will come and go when you least expect it but you will always miss them and nothing will ever take their place. Its a special place inside you just for them. So we can either focus on the devastation of missing them every second or we can focus on carrying them inside us all the time. I waver between the two. It’s comforting to come here and pour your heart out. But grief is a road no one wants to travel. It makes me think of the words from a Joni Mitchell song...”people will tell you where’ve they gone, they’ll tell you where to go, but till you get there yourself, you never really know.” Our grief is publicly shared but privately endured. “Nature is so exact, it hurts exactly as much as it is worth.”
I urge you to see your counselor and get some tools. You never know what small phrase or words of advice will click with you. My prayers are with you. There is a video called “God and Dog” by Wendy Francisco. I watched it last night over and over and cried my heart out. Im so sorry for your pain. We all know what you’re going through. Not helpful, but certainly true.
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Bebop2002

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Reply with quote  #4 
Sandy, Thank you for everything you wrote.  It touches me deep inside, especially the Fact that Bebop knows I love him.  That fact is making me cry, but with love instead of pain.  I wrote your quote down in my journal.  Thank you and Bless you for helping me!!!  
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Bebop2002

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Reply with quote  #5 
Jubee, My Heart thanks you as well.  It is comforting to know I am not alone and other people feel this loss at the same intense level.  Bebop is not just a dog, he is my child and how can I go on living if I am not his mom anymore?  Thank you for being honest about how much the hurt will stay with me and how many mothers have to find a new normal and go on with the pain still inside.  They can do it and so can I, I just don't have the tools yet.  I know I cannot go through this alone without some professional help.  Thank you for giving me hope and bless you for helping me!!! 
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Jubee7303

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Reply with quote  #6 
Something i am realizing right now as i talk to you is that Jubee made it clear to me that she was ready to go. I would’ve never been ready in a million years to let her go but we truly give to them in those final moments the same loving care we have given them all their lives, and that is putting them first. When i had that first painful stab that Jubees time might have come, we spent that last week together and in that week she gave me several indications that she was no longer having fun, no longer happy and indeed was in pain. She gave me that gift of a certainty that without a doubt i would have no guilt or regrets and that i was making the right decision because she made it for me. She gave me that last gift of her loving care of me and i in return gave it to her. I know you cant see it now, but your little guy is also giving you the gift of knowing that this is a decision that you are making together. Its your last action of love for each other. Kidney failure is not an indecisive kind of what should i do decision. Its a clear cut decision of doing something loving. You will not have to have guilt over wondering if you made the right decision. You will still have the pain of loss but you will know that when your guy needed you the most you were there for him. And that takes a strong, strong person and a lotta love.
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Bebop2002

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Reply with quote  #7 
You are 100% right. I can still remember my childhood dog dying from stomach cancer and there was no question when she wanted to go. My mom even said we needed to honor Taffy's request when she was ready and we did. I do not want Bebop to suffer because I won't let him go to heaven when he wants to go. Thank you for reminding me to show him how much I love him when that time comes as well. Yesterday, I called a pet cremation facility and got all the information on how that process will take place. They were as kind as could be and consoled me as a burst into tears right off the bat. I will always have Bebop inside my heart, in a beautiful urn, and we will be reunited in spirit. It just has to be true. Thank You!
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Jubee7303

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Reply with quote  #8 
That’s a good way to look at it and preparation helps. I did the same thing. I went to the place, talked to the people, picked the box and then when the time came I called the day before and made sure I could bring Jubee in. It’s also one more way to show our love for them. I was lucky to be able to find a mobile vet. When she got to the house I laid down on the floor with Jubee right up close holding Her in my arms with my head on her chest. Both of us snuggled together. Jubee was very calm. She never liked her paws or legs touched when she had to get her nails clipped but she felt assured this time in whatever was happening was ok. The vet had to put down her own horse of 26 years just a week previously so we hugged and cried in each other’s arms over both our losses. This is the first time I’ve been able to talk about the day of. You are really helping me through this process also. Thanks 🙏

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GayleMG

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Reply with quote  #9 
Hope it's ok if i jump in here. This conversation has helped me so much. I lost Poppet on Sunday and she definitely told me when it was time. I didn't want her to go through that and I actually wish it had been done a little earlier, as she was in pain all the way to the emergency vet. Before that, I thought I could pull her through it and two vets had seen her and agreed home care could work. But on Sunday she surprised both me and the emergency vet, who had seen her just the day before, how quickly she declined. I know it was right but I wish I could have spared her from all pain. I always have the fear of giving up too soon. I miss her so much.
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Beloved One, you were ill, but you were not alone. I was with you. The beloved dead awaited you. You moved from love into love, carrying with you only love. I sent my love to travel with you and open up the way.
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Jubee7303

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Reply with quote  #10 
So sorry for the pain youre feeling missing Poppet. Theres never going to be a perfectly right time. Its an anguishing decision made with all the faith, hope, and love we have. We all want just a little more time and we all think what-if. We are strong, brave people who put our best friends needs over our wants, and thats why we are here grieving together, thousands strong. Imagine all this love pouring into doggie and kitty heaven. They must all be in total bliss!
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ForeverLovingJJ

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Posts: 11
Reply with quote  #11 
I'm so very sorry that your baby is coming to the end of this life. Yesterday was two weeks that my handsome baby JJ left us. I have two adult children that I love beyond words but I still feel like I lost my baby. JJ was the greatest love of my life aside from my husband and children. I struggled for a few months with the decision to let my boy go. He was not sick... he was 16-1/2 with cognitive dysfunction, deaf, and so very weak. About a month before my son cried and told me that we had to let JJ go but my mind couldn't concieve a world without my baby. God bless him, he hung on for as long as he could. He had a seizure and that was the definite sign that he was done. I feel selfish for keeping him with us as long as I did.

Jubee is right, the pain is so much worse than I thought it would be. I cry everyday and I struggle to imagine a future without him. Coming on here has helped a bit because friends tell me they understand but I'm not sure they do. I feel guilty because I have children so I think saying that losing JJ is like I lost a child makes me seem like my children don't matter enough but my children get it....we all loved him beyond measure. He was a beloved member of our family... he was my handsome baby.

That you are going to see a therapist is a very wise decision. A professional will help you get beyond this initial feeling of hopelessness. I think all of us will carry this pain until we reach the end of this lifes journey but I've been told the pain will dull over time. If Bebop could talk he would tell you that he wants you to carry on. He loves you as much as you love him. He was blessed to be loved by you just as you were blessed to be loved by him. Some people live their entire lives never experiencing such pure love.

I kiss my sweet boy's pictures every morning and night and talk to him. His ashes have a special place among family pictures and I'm trying to think good memories instead of focusing on the loss... I'm trying. That's all I can do. That's all any of us can do. Don't ever forget that everyone here on these forums understands...you are not alone.

You will be in my thoughts.

God bless

“The world would be a nicer place if everyone had the ability to love as unconditionally as a dog"

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Bebop2002

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Posts: 5
Reply with quote  #12 
This website is such a blessing during this time and I am so grateful we are all here supporting each other.  Thank you doesn't seem to be enough to describe how much you are all helping me.  I wanted to share some books I ordered from Amazon that are coming today.  Maybe there will be something in them that can help others on this forum.  

The Rainbow Bridge: Pet Loss Is Heaven's Gain by Niki Behrikis Shanahan

Losing My Best Friend: Thoughtful support for those affected by dog bereavement or pet loss by Jeannie Wycherley

Biblical Proof Animals Do Go To Heaven by Steven H. Woodward

 

 

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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #13 
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Like others have said, this pain is like no other. I also have a grown son and losing my babies felt like I was losing my children. My son gets it and has never judged me. This pain is ugly, lonely and scary. It is very wise of you to seek professional help to deal with your loss. This forum is a place where everyone understands the pain all too well so never think you are alone. My heart goes out to you.
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(Max & Bailey's mommy)

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Jubee7303

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Posts: 39
Reply with quote  #14 
I understand about comparing children to animals. Some people dont understand that but most do. My friend lost her daughter but she is also a major dog lover and she is helping me through this. I dont have any children but I raised Jubee for 16 years and lost her and that pain is the closest pain to losing a child that i will ever know. I lost my brother a while back and at the time he was suffering greatly with no relief on earth and crossing over was his best option and I believe he was ready to go. I saw him in a dream a couple days after he passed and he was smiling and walking, surrounded by brilliant, vibrant colors that ive never seen on earth. I was happy to see him there in that place because if he was happy, then i was happy. I always lived by that rule with My Jubilee. If she was happy, then i was happy. Especially as she aged and started having difficulties. A good day for her was a good day for me. My friend told me i have to continue on with that rule for Jubee. Just as i did for her in life and just as i did for my brother. I know my brother and Dad and Jubee have hooked up with her just as she has hooked up with her animal pack that went before her. She is totally loved and cared for by her human and animal packs and she is running free in all those vibrant colors. How can I possibly deny her that freedom and happiness? I can still miss her without holding onto her. Instead of dwelling on my pain, i can think of her joy and glee in running free. I see her smiling face so eager and in that ecstatic doggie bliss that only they can express! When my friend told me to let her Spirit be free, i had a conversation with Jubee. It went like this: Can I go, Mom? I love you, Mom. Thanks, Mom.
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Jubee7303

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Reply with quote  #15 
Jubee asking, with so much love and concern, Can I go, Mom?
Run free Jubee and be happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you and that’s all I want for you now. I can do this for you.
Her reply, Thanks, Mom!!

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