sleeplessroads
I've been taking comfort in reading this forum for the last 8 days. Last Monday, we had to put our 2 year old cat, Harmony, to sleep thanks to FeLV. She tested negative multiple times in her life and had not been outdoors since she was 7 weeks old and we got her, but she was apparently a bone marrow carrier and it manifested and grew fast. In 48 hours she sent from seemingly normal to having severe anemia, dehydration, and a large tumor in her stomach. It was absolutely stunning to me to take her in for a little listlessness and have to be holding her for that injection just hours later.

We weren't able to grieve properly right away because the vets warned us that our other 3 house cats might all have contracted the disease too. Two were vaccinated but we know its not always 100%. Luckily after 48 hours we found out the other 3 are okay, but Harmony's litter sister is likely also a bone marrow carrier.

This loss to me seems even more difficult than the two dogs I've put down at ages 11 and 17. I can't understand why it happened so young and so suddenly and that she is really gone. To put a kink in things, I'm pregnant with twins and our gender announcements to our scattered families have been ordered for months and they have Harmony on them. Now I can't stand to look at them and I can't fathom getting new ones either.

We had a moving experience the night after she died: her paws had gone from pink to white with the loss of red blood cells, and that night the sunset was dotty white clouds all over the sky as if she were running around proving she got her pink back. The trail of "paw prints" ended in a giant cloudy pink H, which shocked us so much we took several pictures of it and wept hysterically. I feel torn between knowing she's much better off and selfishly being unable to accept that she is gone. She had so many amazing qualities.

Thanks for letting me vent and for this forum where I truly feel I'm not alone in my consuming grief.
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Ginad
My thoughts are with you it has been one week since my baby passed over to Rainbows Bridge and the tears just keep flowing.  You gave Harmony a beautiful family in her short life and I know just like my Honey girl that she is now at peace, happy and healthy once again.  What a wonderful loving family you are to your fur babies.  You did what was best for her.  God Bless
Gina
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sleeplessroads
Thank you so much for replying. The days aren't getting easier. Last night we curled up together and watched our videos from when she was a tiny kitten rampaging around and we just cried and cried. It still makes no sense that she is gone after such a short time. I've been hoping I will see her in a dream but I guess you can't force those to happen, they have to come to you.
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BraveHeart
Sleepless, I'm sorry for your loss. I read your post and it made me cry. Your story about the paw prints in the sky was beautiful, thank you for sharing.

It is 16 weeks, today since we helped our little girl, Ivy, a cattle dog to pass. She had kidney disease for a long time, so we knew one day.........but it was still a shock.

I still miss her, my eyes well up when I think of all the things we could be doing together now, but I know she was a special gift that we could only hold for awhile.

I wanted to let you know that I expected to dream of Ivy often when we lost her. I didn't. My first dream didn't come until last week. It was a little strange, but I was glad to "feel" her and "see" her again.

Take good care of yourself in these first few days and weeks, and love on your other little kitties, they need the comfort too.
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ThomasCatsMummy
So sorry about your Harmony.  The story about the paw prints in the sky is beautiful. 

I've seen my little boy once in a dream but it was quite unsettling as it didn't feel right.  I'm hoping that I can have another one where it feels more like a visit.

You are definitely not alone, I've also found some comfort here.

Thomas Cat
In our lives 14/4/2009 - 18/05/2013
In our hearts forever
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