Lamont Show full post »
AvySparkles
Lamont wrote:
I made it to 6:30 PM, now just tears. 


You are not alone, Lamont. I am sending you tons of hugs and understanding and support. Let it out... 

I just wanted to share a little picture of my Junior (June his nickname). I am sure Bertie and June are playing together and chasing butterflies. ♥

Junev2.png 
Avy Sparkles
Quote 0 0
Lamont
Wow, what beautiful boy he is, I am sure Bertie would think so, too. Too bad for those butterflies, though;  I guess bad butterflies, and mice have to go somewhere when they go. (Kitty heaven)

Mice on rollerskates are Meals on Wheels in Kitty Heaven, or so it would seem.
Bertie's Daddy
Quote 0 0
AvySparkles
Lamont wrote:
Wow, what beautiful boy he is, I am sure Bertie would think so, too. Too bad for those butterflies, though;  I guess bad butterflies, and mice have to go somewhere when they go. (Kitty heaven)

Mice on rollerskates are Meals on Wheels in Kitty Heaven, or so it would seem.


Thank you. He was not as angelic as his face makes you believe. He was winking right before he was ready for some mischief. But I loved him no matter what 😉 I'm pretty sure those butterflies are safe hehehe about those mice on roller skates, couldn't help but giggles a little bit. It's been a while. ty Bertie is really beautiful too 😉 Saw her picture in another post. I am keeping them both in my heart and prayers tonight, along with Butters. Hoping they find each others. 
Avy Sparkles
Quote 1 0
Avabear
Lamont, I completely get the being alone thing,  I am going to try to venture out today because siting here alone is compounding the grief and reality that Ava's gone.  I read somewhere that sometimes spirits take a while to realise they are not here in thier physical form so continue with their old routines like toilet breaks and bedtime and morning and feeding routines.  So I have been continuing as if Ava is still here so this morning as my alarm went off I said good morning to her then got up flicked the switch on the kettle as I opened the back door to put her out for a wee and then once my cup of tea was made I opened the door for her because she usually timed being ready to come in with me making tea and I would give her a treat as she came in and I would come sit down with my tea and read my horoscopes while she led at my feet getting stroked.  So I have done exactly that this morning so that if her spirit is here she knows I am thinking of her and wnat her to still be here.  It probably sounds silly but ihas helped because there is something comforting about routines and even though she isn't physically here even the slightest, tinniest, most miniscule possibiliy that she iis still here in some other form comforts me.  I hope this helps.
Avabears mummy

'It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.' Anon

 

Quote 0 0
Lamont
I don't think it's silly, after all I am sleeping with one of Berties toys. 😉
Bertie's Daddy
Quote 0 0
Avabear
I think we do anything regardless of how silly or irrational to ease the pain we feel, I think it's lovely that you sleep with one of Berties toys.  I think I will eventually do the same but I have reached that place where I can move them from her bed where she left them yet.
Avabears mummy

'It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.' Anon

 

Quote 0 0
Chandlers_Dad

Lamont,

I am so very sorry about Bertie. What a beauty! I'm sure you already realize you are in the right place here. I never knew so many caring people could exist in a forum without the trolls, bullies, arguers-for-the-sake-of-arguing, and such. The only thing you find here are people who understand because they've been through it. I read through your post and can feel how much you are hurting.

I also want to thank you for your reply to my post. Bertie was there for you at your time of great need. (This MS thing just sucks, doesn't it?!) Someone once told me that the greatest thing that can come from grief is learning to reflect on our loved ones' lives, rather than their deaths. Wonderful words, but no one has yet come up with any suggestions on HOW to do that, right? I have been trying to reflect on Phoebe and Chandler's lives. It's getting easier with Chandler, but with Phoebe being gone so recently, I'm not there yet. Or even close. To make it harder, today would have been their 13th birthday. I was there when they were born, and was there when they died.

You're in my thoughts, Lamont. If I can ever be of any support, I'm there.

Take care.

Bruce

Quote 0 0
Lamont
Bruce, thanks for your support, and wisdom. I suppose it's progress when I am only 75% consumed by grief, and not totally.

Being alone at home so soon after Bertie's death has been a blessing, and a curse. On the one hand I can simply collapse and wallow in my sadness anytime it comes over me, and there is no one here to worry about my mental health. But it does make the quietness louder, and the house so much emptier.
When there is no one but me and my brain around, it's obvious that I am making some, but not much progress towards being OK.

Since I dropped my wife at the airport, I have been rummaging around the house like the poster boy for clinical depression, some days not bothering to really dress, or pretend to be a member of society. The 2 times I have left the house, I walked past the vet clinic where Bertie took her last breaths, hoping that her spirit would hitchhike home on my shoulder.

So, at 2.5 weeks past, all I can say is, "I am glad you all are here."

Bertie's Daddy
Quote 0 0
Gracesmom
Lamont,
I know exactly how you feel.
Exactly.

I found my Baby Angel Grace when she was only one week old. She had to be fed every four hours so she went everywhere with me. I was never a cat person but Grace changed me. I had just moved out on my own so Grace was my first roommate. We were very bonded. Since Grace had no mom to teach her how to be be a cat, Grace thought she was a person.. When Grace started taking showers with my boyfriend, I decided it was time to get Anna a nanny to teach her to be a cat.

Sweet Anna came into our life when Grace was about 3 months old. Anna loved Grace so very much. Grace loved Anna on Grace terms. They were my family and companions.

Grace should never have died-
Her vet killed her.
Her death broke both my and Anna’s hearts.

Anna totally gave up on life when Grace died.
She did not want to live without her companion.’
Anna would not eat.
She had given up.

I thought maybe if I fostered a kitten, that might help Anna-
While I was at the shelter, a young family brought in a hurt kitten that somebody had thrown out of a moving car. The shelter would not accept the hurt kitten because it was thrown out of the car in the wrong district.
I was in disbelief. I already had my carrier and was waiting for the foster-I took the hurt kitten instead to my vet. She was only three weeks old and had nothing majorly broken-just scrapes.
My vet treated her for fleas and everything else.
And split the bill with me.
I took the kitten home.

Anna liked the kitten.
She actually started eating the kittens food.
I was hopeful.
After two days, I was holding the kitten on my bed and Anna jumped up to join us-
The kitten flew off me and I have never seen Anna run so fast.
I put the kitten back in the bathroom-she cried all night, and Dr K agreed to take her back.

Anna went back to her old self.
She died a week later.

I had been with Anna and Grace for 14 years.
They were my family.
For the first time in 14 years, I walked into my house- and I noticed the silence.
Grace died-
Anna died three weeks later.

I fell down crying and sat with my back against the wall just staring for two days, totally in shock.
The silence was just too much to bear

I went back to the vets office and got the kitten the next day.
I named her Eliza Grace.
I would never have made it through that tough time without Eliza.
I was crying and I forgot that she was even there.
I suddenly felt a tiny tongue licking my tears.

Eliza was a great distraction because she needed me-and she loved me.
I really did not love her, but it helped me so much having some one to come home to-
Especially a little kitten who was so needy.’

I seriously do not think i would have been able to get out of bed-I would have been so depressed

But Eliza really saved my life during that painful time.

Love,
Grace
Quote 0 0
Gracesmom
I just read all of the posts.
Yes, I grieved much more for Anna and Grace than any family member.
Anna and Grace were always there for me, always loved me unconditionally, always supported me.
They were my family.
As for regret-I wish I could change things so badly.’
Grace’s vey misdiagnosed her.
Grace was terrified of the the vet.
I knew it was a misdiagnosis.
Why did I not just get a 2nd opinion?
I put my poor baby through 6 weeks of treatment-
6 weeks of shots 3 x a week that killed her
She never needed the treatment.
Poor Grace was terrified.
Then I took Grace to an internist where she got blood transfusions to try to give the specialists time to undo the damage the vet did.
I should have let Grace go.
She was holding on out if her love for me.
She trusted me.
I cry whenever I think of how much I tortured her.
Guilt and Regrets.
I think everyone has them.
Did I do too much?
Did I not do enough?
Did I do it too soon?
Do I do it too late?
If I had it all over to do again.
First, I would have gotten a second opinion.
Then, I would have let Grace go as soon as I could to save her any suffering.
The only gift that I could have given her for all that she had given me.
If only...
If only...
If only...
I understand, Lamont..
Love,
Grace
Quote 0 0
catiebee
Lamont I think the emotions from grief are extremely hard work, utterly exhausting and wow just give yourself credit for getting through the last two and a half weeks. I hear you about depression and despair feelings. I think they're part and parcel of this whole process as rotten as it is. I have been in the thick of that too. I keep telling myself I'm going to get through this and I'm grateful to be able to call upon a history of losing one previous dearly-loved pet and surviving that loss 11 years ago. You are surviving too and will continue to live through it but it sure would help if the process wasn't so hideously painful!! I think most of us here are kind of peas in a pod , intent on not drowning in our sorrow but fighting our way to the surface. We just keep on paddling. There's got to be a Shore called Better coming into view! Sheesh I have gotten wordy and it's obvious I don't know what to say but I do wish you well and hope you feel better soon.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
Quote 0 0
Lamont
Thanks for everyone's replies, I have been gradually moving forward, and with a 94 year old dad who is developing senile dementia it's been a difficult few weeks. When it rains, it pours!

L
Bertie's Daddy
Quote 0 0
Lamont
Grace, I have been replaying the months leading up to Bertie's passing, and was much like you. My wife keeps telling me that Bertie had the best I could offer, but that Bertie's chances were slim, at best, not matter what I did for her. My vet agreed that there were no good options for Bertie. HyperThyroidism had done so much damage before we had any clues that something may have been wrong. Heart, kidneys are both essential for a cat to live well, and she didn't tolerate the medications well, so managing her illness was a lost cause. Even so, I have spent a lot of time wondering about the chemicals in my home, the food I gave her, and well, you know. 
Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda.

I know a lot more about the suspected causes of Feline Hyper-T now, though, so our next cat will benefit from that knowledge and hopefully will never develop it. I do wish that veterenarians would advise cat owners of how to prevent it, and monitor cats more closely as their are some better treatment options when this disease is diagnosed early on. 

But saying "Now I know." just makes it harder to look back.

L
Bertie's Daddy
Quote 0 0
catiebee
Ohhh, that sounds like some tough times with your dad. I'm sorry to hear this, Lamont. I'm sad to hear life has piled on for you like that. 

It's really hard when a sweet critter's health issues become complicated.  It can be like being caught between a rock and a hard place, trying to care for and treat their illnesses. 

I know you would have hung the moon for Bertie, if you could. 

Hoping today is a peaceful day.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
Quote 0 0