Ericab
Yesterday my cat Socks, AKA Lil Furs, was put down. It was a really hard decision. I got him 20 years ago, and my life feels so empty and void without him. I stare at pictures, relive his seizures that he had the last couple of days he was alive, taking him to the vet and being there with him as he left me. I feel so guilty, like I gave up on him. I feel guilty for the time I didn't spend with him, for leaving him at my parents house when I moved out. I can't stop crying and wishing he was still here. It's been years since I last lost a pet and it didn't seem this hard.He had so much personality. I just struggle knowing he's gone. It just hurts and feels like a part of me is gone. It's like a rollercoaster of emotions, but sad ones. Songs remind me of him, memories flood my mind. I know it gets better, but when does that start? He was in my life for most of it, it's hard to imagine that he's gone.
Eb
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smkovalinsky
I understand the pain you are in,  and am happy to hear,  at least,  that your lovely kitty had a good, long life.
You did not give up on him:  It was just time for his life to end.
I know about the guilt:  My pooch died last month,  years before his time and now memories of times I ignored him are cutting me up like knives.
Honor your kitty and know Lil Furs knows you love him.   He is alive in your heart.  Grief is a long , slow process, so be kind to yourself,  and keep your kitty close to you in spirit.
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Ericab
Thanks for responding. This is so much harder than I expected. I am sorry about your dog, it's hard when they leave too soon. Thanks for your kind words, it helps. I hope you find peace and I am sure your dog also knew how much you loved him.
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heartsick

 

 

I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet precious Lil Furs.

His picture is so adorable!

The beginning raw searing pain of new grief is just awful.

Though he took a piece of your soul with him,

He left a piece of his with you.

It is good that you have all of the wonderful memories in your head-

You will have those for always.

Grief is awful and there is nothing else like this pain.

I am divorced - when I was married I buried my son- at that time I became a Certified Grief Counselor- I used the same graveside service for my Bear as I did for my son.

Please know that when we lose someone we love we don't stop loving them -

LOVE NEVER DIES.

The soul bound connection that is between our babies and ourselves is forever.

Nothing - not death- tears -grief - or sadness will ever break the ties between us for those ties are made of LOVE so strong that NOTHING will ever sever those connections.

LOVE NEVER DIES.

When we grieve for those we love it is because we do not quite know how to live without them. We breathe because we have no choice but the living part takes a huge amount of learning and time.

Grief is not something we get over but something that we learn -slowly- over time- to incorporate into our lives until it becomes a part of us like our bones and our breath.

Please know that we all understand here and we are all here for you.

Please come back and tell us more about your life with your beautiful Socks so we can get to know him better through you.

We are all in this together and all walking the same roller coaster path of grief together -

some a bit ahead of you, some by your side, and some will come behind for you to help along.

You Are In My Thoughts.                                      

Susan(heartsick)

 

 

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Seleya
I just lost my beloved Kara on Monday. I know how you feel. All of us here know how you feel. The guilt of not paying as much attention to her  as I should have this past month is killing me. Work has been crazy busy and I kept getting called in on a lot of my off days....days I could have spent with her. Days I will never get back again. I wanted to take her outside to the backyard so she could feel the grass beneath her paws again. Time ran out and I never got that chance. My thoughts and prayers are with you right now in this difficult time.
“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.”
― Anatole France
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Ericab
Thank you guys and I'm sorry for your losses. I feel like Lil Furs is the first and last thing on my mind and I'm not sleeping well.
My dad brought him home one day when I was in 8th grade. From the start he did things on his own terms and I kind of wish he could have gone the same way. He was the best, he kept his distance from people yeah I always wanted to be near and therefore people are drawn to him. I remember my brother and I fighting over this blanket that he loved because it was the only thing for many years that could get capital L il firs close to us. He had so many nicknames and songs we change the words to so we could sing about him. Sounds so silly as I share it. Today feels better, but it's still early. My two little dogs are cuddled up to me, but it's just not the same. Before digital cameras, I always finished my roll of film on my perfect little model. There are hundreds of pictures of him. I know he's no longer in pain, but the pain of him being gone is so hard. Susan, you put it perfectly, how do I live life without him? All my friends knew about him. When I teach, he's in some of my power points. I just have a hard time with Lil Furs as my past and not the present or future.I really appreciate your support. It helps to know others are and have been where I am.
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smkovalinsky
I know exactly what you mean about having a hard time putting Lil Furs in the past,  rather than in the present and the future.  I also had my dog incorporated into every aspect of my life (shopping,  cooking,  vacations,  visits to family and friends,  road trips, etc. ).  I awaken each morning feeling ill (even though it is now over 3 weeks since he was put down)  and constantly am in horror about things I might have done differently that may have preserved his health.  

I think the only hope for us is to somehow carry them forward;  have them be a part of the present and the future in spirit.  But of course this is far,  far harder than simply having them here.  :-(

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Ericab
After 3 weeks, do you feel better than right after your dog passed away? I'm hoping it gets better but it doesn't feel that way. Tomorrow is my one year wedding anniversary and I don't even feel like celebrating. I just feel gloomy and sad and guilty.
Eb
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