I’m totally feel like I’m sinking   I miss my baby so much   We lost him in March and the emotional roller coaster is drastic  it was so hard decorating our tree without him laying by watching.   Hell   Does time ever heal?    Hes on my mind constantly   First snowfall I cried as I didn’t see his paw prints but the unthinkable happened the other night   There were paw prints in our yard in the morning   Dog prints   About the size my Dakotas were   They came as far as our deck is  on the deck to the door in fact   But never left the yard   I took this as a sign we had a visit from him   Yes I am a firm believer they still come around   Hubby and I came in the house a few weeks ago and both saw him backing away from the door inside as he used to lay by it and wait for us to come home  .  But back onto Christmas   I hope to at least keep myself busy enough with my grandchildren  this is a statue we bought in his honour   A chocolate lab as welll   And we dressed it up in an outfit we bought   I found his outfits we bought for him last year as I had kept them but they were too big  bee have a big box urn for him with his photo so hubby took the Santa hat put a cup inside and sat it on his urn .
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I am very sorry for your loss.  The "first" of everything since their "physical" good byes are the hardest.  Believe me, with time, we "adapt" to the pain.  The pain does not go away as our love for them does not go away.  However, we adapt.  But, with time the weight of the pain, becomes lighter - I hope, I'm making sense.  What I'm trying to say is the "we always will miss them, because they are ours and we are theirs" - our source of unconditional love, endless patience, non-comparable companionship, fierce protectors, and unbreakable bond.  This will be my third Christmas without my beloved Sol (a male Labrador mix).  I understand your pain, we all do.  Just take one step at a time, and breathe.  
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So sorry for your loss.
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