Doodlelove
My darling Barnie Doodle lost his battle with lymphoma on 8th March. He had just turned 6 and was diagnosed in November. We had good insurance and had chemo etc but he only had a short remission period.

I am devastated and feel very sad and lonely. He was my best friend really and my friends and family don’t really understand. My husband told me I should move on. WHAT? That has made things even worse.
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Paulcougar1964
Hi Barbara,

I’m so sorry to hear about your Barbie - it is so hard to lose the physical presence of such a good friend. What kind of dog is Barbie - poodle, labradoodle, golden doodle, or?

I’m sorry your husband said what he said - some people are not comfortable with the grief of others, or their own grief. I hope you do have someone in your life with whom you can honestly share your feelings. There’s a lot of books on grief out there - Joan Dideon’s “the Year of Magical Thinking” helped me process my grief to some extent.

Lots of us on this site are thinking of you, and know to some extent what you’re going through. You are not alone here, please share with us what you feel you can - we’d love to see pictures and hear stories about Barnie when you feel you can share.

Paul
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Doodlelove
He was a large labradoodle. Weighed 42 kilos when healthy but went down to 35. We have another doodle, Daisy, a 15 month old goldendoodle. She is missing him also.
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Lamont
I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced a special bond with a pet can understand how we feel when we lose that friend. When you open your heart to the unconditional love and loyalty of a particular animal, you are on the one hand, one of the luckiest people in the world, but on the other hand, the grief cuts all the way to our core when they leave us.
For many of us, we are not prepared for the depth and sharpness of the pain; and I suppose our partners  feel powerless to console us, so they say or do things that sound uncaring to us. 

Human relationships that endure are partly glued together with rational, agreed upon conditions, even true love will at some point have to be tested, negotiated in order to last. With our pets, there are no conditions, deals or arguments; we just love them, and they love us. 
It must look a little crazy to our family and friends, and some of them may even have a tinge of jealousy or resentment about it. They may feel left out, too, and unable to understand our joy when we express it, or our devastation and grief when that pet dies.

You're in good company here, though. There is plenty of support.
L




Bertie's Daddy
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Doodlelove
Thank you. I know that my husband didn’t want to hurt me, he just doesnt feel the deep loss that I’m feeling and yes, maybe he was a little jealous of my relationship with Barnie.
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catiebee
Doodlelove, my heart goes out to you in a huge way. I just lost my beloved Marissa on 2/8 to lymphoma. Like you, I went the chemo route.  She never reached remission and the vet said it must have been a nasty, nasty strain. There is something about having tried so hard to save them. 

I hate that your husband doesn't get it and said something so insensitive to you.

I hope the companionship of other grievers here will be healing and comforting to you. We all understand how devastating it feels and how horrible the emotional pain is. It's a very very tough time, especially early on.

Take care of you while you're feeling so raw.


Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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RileysMom
Doodlelove,

I am so sorry for your loss. Battling with cancer and then losing them is a very difficult journey. The whole process takes quite a toll on us. We found out my dog had mast cell tumors in November and she passed away at the beginning of February. I live with my elderly dad, and since my mom passed away, he’s found comfort in the companionship of my dogs, more so than he ever has in the past... I know he cares about them in his own way, but even with that, after my dog died, he told me to learn from the experience and move on. He likes to remind me often that he grew up on a farm and their viewpoint of animals was much different. Insensitive, yes. Well meaning, yes. Helpful, not exactly.

I hate to say it, and everyone here will hate me for saying it too, but there IS SOME truth to what they say. We can’t wallow in our grief forever. It’s not healthy for us, for the animals we still have, nor does it truly honor the memory of our lost pet, who no doubt lived every moment to the full while alive and rejoiced in the happy, fun times. So, I take it for what it is worth, a reminder that I need to keep on living until I feel alive again.

But I also know that to come out the otherside of this healthy and fairly intact, room needs to be made for the grief. These emotions and thoughts demand a place, and if they’re kept inside, it can be so damaging to us. Our society tells us that animals are just animals, they’re lower than us, therefore to grieve them is just... well, silly. They’re meant to die, it’s part of life, so why be so emotional over it. We’re conditioned to have these feelings, so when we actually do lose a pet and we feel so much grief, we can feel like there is something wrong with us. Many will try to hide or deny their feelings because of that. But, there is nothing wrong with it. When you love someone, when you bond with them, it’s only natural to grieve their loss. The unnatural thing would be to not grieve them. It would be a form of denying your love for them.

So, all of this to say, you are in a friendly place here. Everyone here understands your feelings and shares similar ones over the loss of their own pets. We understand, and you are more than welcome to express whatever you need to here to help you cope with this. I am sorry for the loss of your friend, Barnie. My heart goes out to you and I hope for some peace and comfort to find you today.
Val
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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exit30
I am so sorry for your loss. The number one thing I tell people going through the loss of a best friend is never let anyone tell you how to feel, or to just move on. Until they are in your situation, they have no idea the pain you are feeling, and there is no time limit, you grieve for as long as you need. 
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COOKIES4
Doodlelove wrote:
My darling Barnie Doodle lost his battle with lymphoma on 8th March. He had just turned 6 and was diagnosed in November. We had good insurance and had chemo etc but he only had a short remission period.

I am devastated and feel very sad and lonely. He was my best friend really and my friends and family don’t really understand. My husband told me I should move on. WHAT? That has made things even worse.
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COOKIES4
I AM JOAN MY BABY IS SPARKY A 29 YEAR OLD SWEET FEATHER BABY COCKATIEL. I READ YOUR POST AND FEEL SO BAD FOR YOUR LOSING Barbie Doodle. My SPARKY PASSED DECEMBER 28, 2017. HE WAS BORN FEBRUARY 14, 1988.

YES A LOT SHOCK HE PASSED HE REALLY WAS NOT SICK, JUST SLOWING DOWN A BIT.HAD A PRESSURE SORE ON THE BOTTOM OF HIS RIGHT FOOT. HE TALKED WHISTLED SONGS UNDERSTOOD LIKE A SMALL CHILD.

THIS GROUP SHOULD HELP YOU AND THERE ARE MANY GOOD AND SYMPATHETIC FRIENDS HERE. MY HUSBAND ALSO DOES NOT UNDERSTAND MY GRIEF.


MOVE ON IS NOT COMFORTING AT ALL. MY HUSBAND MISSES SPARKY BUT HANDLES HIS GRIEF DIFFERENTLY.

STAY IN THE GROUP AND SET UP A RAINBOWSBRIDGE MEMORIAL FOR BARNEY DOODLE WHEN YOU ARE UP TO IT.NOT YELLING LOW VISION. SHARE A PICTURE WHEN YOU ARE ABLE TO.
FRIENDS
JOAN AND JIM
SPARKY'S MOMMY AND DADDY
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Doodlelove
catiebee wrote:
Doodlelove, my heart goes out to you in a huge way. I just lost my beloved Marissa on 2/8 to lymphoma. Like you, I went the chemo route.  She never reached remission and the vet said it must have been a nasty, nasty strain. There is something about having tried so hard to save them. 

I hate that your husband doesn't get it and said something so insensitive to you.

I hope the companionship of other grievers here will be healing and comforting to you. We all understand how devastating it feels and how horrible the emotional pain is. It's a very very tough time, especially early on.

Take care of you while you're feeling so raw.


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Doodlelove
Sorry that Marissa didn’t get to remission . When I read about lymphoma and chemo it was reasonable to expect up to 18 months so I was really disappointed that Barnie only had 3 months of life. His liver was failing and he was very anaemic, vomiting bile and refusing to eat. He was kept going by anti sickness injections and steroids towards the end. It’s a horrible disease.
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catiebee
Yeah. Some pets literally get years of remission. It's very sad not to, when you tried so hard. As I did, too.

It's a hideous disease. Such a thief, so vicious. I so wish you hadn't had to go through that with Barney. My heart goes out to you very much over your loss.


Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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COOKIES4
Doodlelove. It is so hard to find out how people close to you react when you really need them.My husband's therapist is now helpIng me on the phone for my petloss grief. . NOT YELLING LOW VISION. GE UNDERSTANDS AND EVEN TOLD ME AS I CRIED ON THE PHONE A FEW DAYS AFTER MY SPARKY PASSED
. MEN HARDLY CRY HE SAID AND HE HAD HIS OWN LOSS WITH HIS DOG PASSING SEVERAL YEARS AGO DUE TO MISINFORMATION FROM THE VET TOLD GIVE YOUR DOG AN ASPIRIN A DAY FOR ARTHRITIS.. BAD CALL AND THEN HE CRIED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE IN FRONT OF THE VETERINARY STAFF.
THIS SUPPORTIVE THERAPIST WITH A MEDICAL DEGREE HAS BEEN SUPPORTIVE OF ME AND MY HUSBAND IN DIFFERENT WAYS.

SO MY FEELING IS, MOVE THROUGH OUR GREIVING TIME AT OUR OWN PACE.

EXCUSE ERRORS USING MY PHONE ARTHRITIC FINGERS AND EYES NOT THE BEST.


PRAYERS AND SUPPORT FOR EVERYONE.
JOAN AND JIM
SPARKY'S MOMMY AND DADDY



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