I am so sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to lose such a loving and faithful friend and your loss is compounded by the extreme stress of the vetting in his final weeks and days and having to make the unthinkable decision to end his suffering. Some people will never understand the pain of such a loss and the stress and devastation it causes. You are in like company here. We lost our sweet Daisy 5 months ago to cancer. We also had to make that unbearable final vet visit and help her to go peacefully. I relive that day over and over again and am still overwhelmed by her loss. Everyone grieves in their own time and at their own pace. Don't let anyone push or rush you through the process. It is different for everyone and here you will find care and respect for the decision you made and the pain you are in. I had to somehow break and step out of my cycle of grief as I felt it was consuming me. We did decide to adopt again and now have a new little one to care for. I'll never get over Daisy's untimely loss, but having little Luna softens my broken heart and has helped me grieve and move through the pain.
Take of yourself and take your time to process, grieve and, maybe eventually, celebrate that you had this wonderful little soul in your life. They are a gift that we are only granted such a short time with.
Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom