Yaoyao
Albert had a stroke last Monday right before midnight, and I had to put him to sleep shortly after we visited the ER. 

Yesterday, I felt a little bit better, went to work, even laughed at a coworker's joke, and for the first time I almost felt like I can do it, I can go through this and be strong. Everything seemed ok until it was approaching 11 PM, all of a sudden I felt like I couldn't breath and I was going to have a panic attack. Then I realized it was a week ago today that I lost Albert. From that moment everything went downhill, it felt like I was waiting for the clock to get to 11:50 and I was waiting for it to happen all over again, except this time I won't be there for him and he had to suffer alone. The next few hours felt like hell, I couldn't sleep last night and had all kinds of crazy thoughts. I wanted to call the hospital and ask them if Albert was there. Feels like the little progress I made the past week is gone and I'm losing my mind again.

I know anniversaries can be hard, but I wasn't prepared for this. No.  
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MLovesRuby
Oh Yaoyao…..I wish I could hug you.  This is soooo hard.  I know we are going to fall down that black hole without warning.  Please know that we will all reach our hands out to you and pull you back out.  Albert wants you to stay in the love light with him, I know it.

Please help me when I stumble.
Michelle
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Yaoyao
Hi Michelle,

Thank you! The ups and downs are one of the hardest parts. I try to think about the sweet moments we shared together, but you know it's hard to get out of the dark place once you are in there. It's been almost 10 days, the mornings became slightly easier. The nights are still hard, I start to feel sad and frustrated when it starts to get dark outside everyday, and I still can't sleep that much. Work has been keeping me busy and distracted sometimes, but at the end of the day it's still just me. I try to think about the fact that Albert is free now, and not in pain anymore, that's the only thing that keeps me feeling somewhat better. 

Of course I will be there when you need help!

Yaoyao
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