Pinkdot
My dog, Regan, had to be euthanized two days ago, and it's hit me like a ton of bricks.  I find myself at a loss.  I expected to be sad, but I didn't expect it this much.  She was my sixth dog.  I cried and was sad at the passing of each of the others, but it didn't take long for me to see some light at the end of the tunnel.  This time I'm not seeing any light.  I think I bonded with with my other dogs as much as I did Regan.

Two things that might be contributing to this depression are one, I've always had two dogs, so there was always a pet to take care of and help through the loss, and second, this was the first time I was in the room while my pet was euthanized.  I dreaded this moment for weeks cause I knew it would more than likely have to be done.

Another thing that might be upsetting me is a dream I had the night before Regan was euthanized.  Of anything I could have dreamed, it had to be this:  Regan and I were in the backyard.  She was sleeping.  I sneaked away to hide from her, but she woke up and found me.  She rolled around on the grass and I was petting her.  Then she asked me, "Are you going to come visit me?"  I said, "Yes, Regan, I'll visit you soon."  Then I woke up.  The funny thing is that the dream was lighthearted.  There was no talk of death.  She was going away and wanted to know if I was going to visit her.  After waking up I kept thinking about our conversation and what was going to happen the following morning.

I'm a bit of a mess.  But I know each day will get slightly better than the previous.  I know.  I guess this one is going to take more time.
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DogMom86
Pinkdot, I'm sure you felt the passing of your other pets just as intensely as that of Regan, however with the passing of time our brain tends to sort of gloss over the depth of our grief or block it out in self-preservation. It is really difficult to be in the room when your beloved pet is euthanized. I stayed for both Mija and London. I held Mija, the Chihuahua and I held London the Golden Retriever's head. It's a personal decision whether to stay or not, but for me I wanted them to hear me and smell me before they passed on and feel my love. 

Even if we know that we're going to put our dogs down, it doesn't make it any easier. There is a phase called pre-grief which you are grieving already at the prospect of death and are anxious because you know it's coming: https://www.veterinarywisdom.com/single-post/When-You-Know-You-Will-Soon-Lose-Your-Pet-The-Experience-of-Anticipatory-Grief.

Afterwards, there is a cyclone of emotions which are different for everyone. The emotions I experienced are sadness, shock, anger, numbness, and guilt. There was also guilt that I felt relieved in a way to know they were not suffering. 

Hugs to you during this difficult time
Mija, Chihuahua: 2004-2019
16 years
London, Golden Retriever: 2005-2020
15 years

Mom to Misty, Sango, Tami, Abby, Kawaii and Pepita the Chihuahua

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BoxerMomForever
Pinkdot I’m so very sorry about Regan. I sure know how you feel about this one was more difficult. My Lily passed in October. I’m taking it way harder than my first dog. Some dogs you have a special connection with. I think that is you as well. They said you grieve harder when you loved harder. I agree. I hope as each day goes on it gets better. I was crying every single day. I talk to her every day, I hope she’s listening. Hugs to you. Glad to talk to others going through the same thing.

Dogmom, going to read the article about pre-grief, I certainly know I experienced that.

Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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Leathur
Pinkdot:

I know exactly how you feel. I've loved all my cats...some I was connected to more strongly than others. The loss of Diego feels more like I've lost a limb. Or half my brain. I feel "off".

Similarly, I was "cat-less" after his death - something I hadn't experienced before in my adult life.

I also agree with BoxerMomForever:  "...you grieve harder when you loved harder." But think of the incredible LOVE that was shared. What a gift!

Try to be patient with yourself. Don't force the grieving process along because of a preconceived idea of how long that should take.

I wish that you may find peace and comfort in knowing Regan's fur-ever in your heart and soul.
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Pinkdot
Thank you for the replies.  I'm so glad I found this website and forum.  It helps a lot to know we aren't alone.

Thank you for the link, DogMom86.  It was a few days before Christmas that we got the bad news, so all throughout the holidays I put on a brave face, but in the back of my mind I was already saying goodbye.  It was a somber holiday for me, even though on the outside I didn't really show it, and I never cried.

BoxerMomForever, that's so true, about grieving harder when you loved harder.

Leathur, that's my situation, too.  This is the first time we're without a pet.  We do want another dog, we do.  But it'll be some months down the road.
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BoxerMomForever
Same here, first time in a long time without a pet. We are not ready yet, I should say my hubby doesn’t want another, due to the heartache. Ughh. I want another but it will be down the road. Hopefully later this year. I’m not happy being without one. Hugs to you all.
Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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EmyJay
This is the first time we've had only one furbaby, Itsy, who is just living from day to day. She's a 16 1/2 year old cocker spaniel. We've always had another furbaby to love and help through their own grief.  This is much harder with just one pet.

Emily J. Lewis
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EmyJay
Boxer Mom,

I feel like you do and my husband is saying much the same thing as your's. He just doesn't want to go through this again. But like you, I will be very unhappy without a furbaby. Itsy is still with us, but it's a day by day challenge. Maybe when some time passes they will change their minds . . .  
Emily J. Lewis
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