Amararata
I recently lost my dog - who was 11, and should've lived to at least 20 and I feel so guilty because I didn't give her the health care she needed.

Back in my hometown in California, the vets were really great and ethical. They had services for photobiomodulation (red light therapy), hyperbaric oxygen chambers and also alternative therapies such as Traditional Chinese Medicine, nutraceutical services and acupuncture with rehabilitation services for your pets, even a water chamber that allows your pet to work their muscles without any pressure on their ligaments. 

Several years back, I had to move to a different area, which is much more remote and the vets in my area are known to be predatory. My mum's 10 year old maltese died after being put on 7 rounds of antibiotics due to a tooth infection that never seemed to go away, and it's well known that the vets here will purposely induce unnecessary surgery on pets out of greed and overprescribe antibiotics due to kickbacks they receive from pharma companies.

I am gripped with pain in my heart everyday and can't stop crying. If I had stayed in my hometown, my little baby would still be alive. She would've gotten the necessary health care she needed and I wasn't able to provide that for her here and it breaks my heart.

She loved California so much and I knew she didn't like the new area we moved to. 

In addition, due to the coronavirus pandemic, I had been so preoccupied with world events that I didn't pay attention to my little baby even as she was showing signs of deterioration. I also let someone else make her food, in which she made an 50% rice and 50% meat diet with hardly any veg which exacerbated her undiagnosed kidney condition. I usually make her food 80% veg and 20% meat and she was doing really well on this diet but in the last couple of months, I was preoccupied with work so let someone else make her food without thoroughly checking what she was giving my dog. I also stupidly fed her a little yogurt thinking she would get calcium and probiotics, but instead it also exacerbated her undiagnosed kidney condition because I didn't realize it at the time but dairy products should not be consumed due to their high phosphorus content, which can also lead to kidney failure. As I've been doing research, I learned that dairy products also lead to calcium deficiency due to the high phosphorus content despite all their marketing campaigns that they're a good source of calcium, it's utterly BS. 

I keep thinking about the series of events that exacerbated her kidney failure and I feel so completely utterly heartbroken that I wish I could have a do-over of the last 3 years, even the last 3 months. I just want my baby back and wish I didn't move here. 

I miss her so much, I wasn't ready to lose her. I'm stuck in a time loop in my mind of all the things I should've done to save her, but I totally failed. I totally failed because I was absorbed in global events instead of paying attention to my little baby. 

I hate myself so much right now. 


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Alanfar
I am so sorry for your loss. Please don't beat yourself up. You did all that you could for your little one. This guilt is part of grief. I went through the same thing. I thought I should have been more attentive and my Fancy would still be here. The vet told me out pets are good at masking illness as they just want to give us happiness.  Fancy was also 11 but we just had her the last 5 years as a rescue dog. She was a skinny little thing when we got her and was so sad. In 5 years she reached her correct size and just poured out love to us. I do wish we had her as a puppy just to have all of those 11 years. She gave us a lifetime of love in 5 years.
Your pup knew you loved her and would just want you to be happy. I try to remember all those 5 years and not those last hours as those years so outweigh the last.
Sending you healing prayers
alan farlowe
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Amararata
Thank you Alanfar, but I could've done more. My little girl stopped wanting to take her walks a week before and I pushed her to walk (holding her half the way) because I thought exercise would do her good. She didn't want to, but I pushed her...she must've been in so much pain and I was such an idiot because that should've signaled to me that there was something seriously wrong and that I need to take her to the vet straight away....

I also should've looked for different vets and not went to the one who prescribed 7 rounds of antibiotics for my mum's dog that passed away a couple years before...

There was so much more I could've done, but I ignored all the signs....worst yet...I was looking through my dream diary and 3 years ago I had a nightmare that my little baby was weak and very ill and I kept telling her "I'm sorry" over and over....and it happened exactly like that the day that she passed away......

I'm in so much pain right now because I was stupid, didn't listen to my intuition and failed to give her the help that she needed when she showed signs that she wasn't OK and I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF EVER!!!!

And what was I doing during the time she was showing signs she was getting sicker? I was completely obsessed with this coronavirus pandemic instead of paying attention to her....I did my baby so much wrong...I just want her back and start over. I'm in so much pain, I was even considering cloning her, but I know she wouldn't have the same personality nor the same soul...plus she would be borne out of the pain of other surrogate dogs who would be used to carry her and it wouldn't be fair to them.


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Kelly_1968
We feel the same. We were so caught up with working and normal activities that our diabetic dog was having more issues than we realized. We got comfortable with the way things were that we didnt notice more. He had zoomies still and was seemingly ok. But when we look back now there were signs, and if we could only go back. But would that have meant he would have been put down earlier. Or would it helped. You give them all the love and the best home and be grateful you had them as long as you did. Its hard to swallw cause i miss him dsarly and havs regrets but its getting better everyday. Hugs to all of you ❤❤
Kelly garrett
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kikis_mom_1118
When Kiki was not feeling well I pushed her to walk. I feel bad now but honestly I just didn't know any better. You didn't know any better. There was no maliciousness in your heart. We both did what we thought was right at the time. I know for a fact that Kiki knew that she was loved and so was your fur baby. I wanted her to live to see 21 but she only made it to 14. Don't persecute yourself.
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Ccap1125
So sorry for the loss of your dog, i completely relate to how you are feeling.   I also lost my cat 2 days ago and feel so guilty all i do  is cry.  i knew something was up with her - she was smelly in her vaginal area but i took her to the vet a year ago for same issue and vet said it was  because she was fat, she didn't clean herself well.  Well i noticed the end of february it was smelling more but was busy working and had no money and then had a bad arm injury in march so i kept putting off the vet.  tuesday i noticed decreased appetite and took her to vet wednesday - the vet said she was very sick and needed to be put to sleep.  i keep feeling like i failed her and didn't care for her properly.  i can't seem to forgive myself.  i hope in time it gets better.  
Catherine Capasso 
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Dozer2010
I had to put down my 10 year old boxer today due to degenerative myelopathy. He was the sweetest boy in the world. He had slowly progressed to where he couldn’t use his back legs. I had to help him out to use the bathroom and help him stand to drink water and eat. We’ve taken him to the vet multiple times but there was nothing they could do. I feel like a horrible person right now for putting him to sleep but everyone tells me it’s for the best. I’m just so overwhelmed by grief.
Ashley 
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Amararata
Kelly: Yes, I feel the same way. There were signs and I wish I could just rewind the last 6 months and gotten her the right treatment that she needed. It was after she passed away that I found out what she needed and I'm so filled with regret everyday. I just miss her so much. I'm sure you miss your special little one as well.

Catherine: I've read that urinary tract infections could lead to kidney disease and it sort of sounds like that might be what it was from your description although I'm not certain. I wish pets could tell us when they feel sick. They try so hard to act normal and that nothing's wrong. I wished I listened to my gut feeling that something was wrong long before she developed serious symptoms.

Ashley: That's just a hard thing to deal with. Sorry for the loss of your boxer. I do think that we had more comprehensive and integrative health care for our pets. 
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Dozer2010
Amararata wrote:
Kelly: Yes, I feel the same way. There were signs and I wish I could just rewind the last 6 months and gotten her the right treatment that she needed. It was after she passed away that I found out what she needed and I'm so filled with regret everyday. I just miss her so much. I'm sure you miss your special little one as well.

Catherine: I've read that urinary tract infections could lead to kidney disease and it sort of sounds like that might be what it was from your description although I'm not certain. I wish pets could tell us when they feel sick. They try so hard to act normal and that nothing's wrong. I wished I listened to my gut feeling that something was wrong long before she developed serious symptoms.

Ashley: That's just a hard thing to deal with. Sorry for the loss of your boxer. I do think that we had more comprehensive and integrative health care for our pets. 
Ashley 
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