Cici23
Hey!
I lost my beloved cat of 15 years a week ago. I could not go through the terribly traumatic experience without some tranquilizers and after the burial l left town staying with a friend for the past week. I haven't grieved at all, haven't wanted to talk about it and l pushed all the sad feelings and memories to a far corner of my mind. There were only some silent tears in intervals when something l saw or heard reminded me of him. I came back home today ready and expecting to feel the full blast of sadness and loss but l still haven't cried properly. I just feel numb and keep thinking of other tasks l need to get done. Am l normal? Why am l feeling so disconnected from it all? All answers and advice apreciated. Thank you.
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Jan_H
I am very sorry for your loss of your beloved cat. Numb grief is perfectly normal. Sometimes grief is like a bottle of soda that has been shaken. If you take the top off it will explode. It needs to be opened and released slowly. Some people need to keep it closed longer than others. It's not always right to feel everything at once and it's best to respect your brain's way of coping. Just give yourself time and compassion and accept what you are or are not feeling.

My condolences,
Jan
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Cici23
Thank you.
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cat_person
My condolences,
I don't think you should question yourself why you are not grieving properly. Maybe this is your way of coping with the trauma. It's your loss, and your way of dealing with it is the right way for you. Also, your numbness can be a stage of grief. I went through a few, and not once... As long as you are not falling to pieces, it's fine, and if ever you feel that you are, just don't keep it in, reach out for help. 
Take care,
Tatiana
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Cici23
Thank you
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LaGata
I'm truly sorry for your loss.   My grief and pain was immediate and after 7 months l wake to a pain neverending.  We are all different in our expressions.  I hear pain fades away with time-it doesn't.  It slows down sometimes and then out of the blue you start remembering....and so it goes
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Cici23
Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for your loss too.
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Gracie4ever
Cici23, I feel your pain. My heart is broken, too. My girl was put to sleep on August 19. Right after I got home, I didn't cry. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I wanted to cry to let out some stress, but nothing came. I read that often the shock of what you have been through, numbs you to protect you.  Here and there something will trigger me, like right now being on this group, and I will feel more emotional and sometimes sob for a bit, then stop. We all grieve differently. You are grieving in your own way. Don't feel bad. For me I know the grief will last a long long time because it's just this heavy feeling in my chest. Not always can I cry..and when I can..I try to let it out as long as it wants to last. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Cici23
Thank you. My condolences for our loss too. You described pretty much what l have been experiencing. I also think l could be subconsciously holding back with all my might because l might not be ready to let it fully impact me. I can not even look at his photos at all just yet...
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Gracie4ever
Thank you Cici23, I had posted a picture of my girl in another support group and when I go back to read what people have written, I look away and scroll past the picture. It just breaks my heart too much. I've been considering meds and counseling...feeling a lot of guilt and though they say that's a part of grieving, my brain says "if you feel guilt it's because you're guilty"...it's like a plague has come on me, pain and sorrow..but not always the ability to cry. I do think the body is trying to protect me from the full impact, as you said...there is also a paw print ready at the Vet but I told them it may take me months to ever have the ability to go pick it up. My heart is with you.
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Cici23
Knowing that l am not the only one feeling this way helps way more than you can imagine. I am seeing guilt as a part of my punishment for not being selfless enough and ending his suffering sooner.
I cut a little chunk of his hair before l burried him and it will take me a long time before l open that little box again to smell and stroke it.
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Gracie4ever
Yes you have really been a comfort to me, to know someone else knows what I am feeling. I didn't think to keep a chunk of hair but after I got home I used a lint brush on her towel and got enough. I have kept some things that break my heart to think of them but I couldn't get myself to get rid of them..like her pill splitter with some half pills inside...I put them in a bag in a cupboard...along with her bowls and a few other things...I feel guilty because for a week or two before, I saw that when she lay down, she did it very slowly...but I thought oh it's arthritis and I never could tell if it was causing her a lot of pain or a little...so I, too, wonder if I waited too long...but I know I would not have been ready to make that hard decision. When I saw finally that she was really in pain, the decision came. To this day I don't know how I made it, I know it was for her own welfare. I wanted her to rest in peace and not hurt.
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Cici23
You were way braver than me. I could not make that decision and l will regret it for as long as l live. Thinking that it would help me l got rid of all his things straight away giving them to a friend but now l wish l hadn't. I only have a few things that were not spotted in the haze at the time under the furniture but his schratches on the sofa and chairs will definitely remain. There is also the flap door that l don't know what to do about.
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Gracie4ever
My dear, I don't know if I will ever have the heart to take those things out. Right now I feel they may stay in that cupboard until my last day. Really, we don't need their things to remember them. Oh my goodness, something broke my heart. When you mentioned the haze it reminded me...I had a plate on the counter near the sink with a knife on it, for feeding her...and a week later, I knocked another dish against it and when I heard the noise I said "oh my god noooooo" and had to look and yep - it had stayed there for a week after it was needed. There are also claw marks on the window trim where she used to jump up there to look outside...and marks on two bathroom cupboards and the door where she would rub her scent. I have thought about removing them...but no...I have let them stay.
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