TannersMom
We had to have our little man, Tanner, put to sleep on Monday. He was a 16 year old Lhasa Apso. He had a stomach tumor, and hadn't eaten for 8 days, and was having a hard time standing up. We knew it was time to let him go, but it's the hardest decision I've ever had to make. He was my husbands dog, until we got married. Then he wasn't interested in Dad quite as much because he had a new Mom. I'm retired, so every single day my husband was working, it was just me and Tanner. I have to say, this loss is just as devastating as my fathers death. I never had children of my own, so Tanner was my only child. Sometimes the pain is so bad, and the tears so heavy that I can hardly breathe. Everyplace I look, he's not where he's supposed to be. We got his ashes back yesterday, and I thought it would help, but it hasn't. I can't sleep, I can hardly eat and I just can't stop crying. I miss him so much, it hurts. I'm just one big mess!! Please tell me that this will get better!! Today is my first whole day at home without him, as his Dad went back to work today. I find myself sitting here in tears, talking to his urn! I feel like a nut case.....

I miss you Tanner.
Susan (aka: TannersMom)
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AnneL
I am so sorry for Your loss. He was a sweet little guy. I had to let my my beloved boy go on the 11th january so I know how you feel. I am still crying every day when I get home from work and he is not there. I have his picture next to me in the sofa, and I am talking to him just like you. I also have his urn by my bed and talkes to him there too. I live alone and have no kids so he was my baby. It do get better when time passes, but it is just terrible the first weeks. I had one dog before him, and it took me 3 months before I could Accept that he was gone when I had to let him go. My dog also had cancer in the spleen and liver so it was the right thing to do just like it was the right thing to do With Tanner. I hope you will fell better when time passes. One poem that helped me is this:"A Pets Prayer"

A Pet's Prayer
If it should be, that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then, you must do what must be done
For this, the last battle can't be won.

...

You will be sad, I understand
Don't let your grief then stay your hand,

For this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship stand the test.

We've had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears,
You'd not want me to suffer, so,
When the time comes, please let me go.

Take me where my need they'll tend,
Only, stay with me to the end,
And hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know, in time you will see,
It is a kindness you do to me
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Don't grieve it should be you,
Who decides this thing to do,
We've been so close, we two, these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
Smile, for we walked together,
for a little while

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Belly
Susan (TannersMom),
I'm so sorry that Tanner has left you physically, but I can assure you that he is there with you in spirit. My little girl passed of tick fever, so I cannot truly understand the pain that comes with making the decision to put down a pet, but like everyone on this site, we feel the pain of the loss of our loved ones.
I know how it feels to look at all the places that Tanner once occupied, only to find him gone. It hurts a lot. As the loss is still fresh, it feels as if its never going to get better--even though its been two months, I'm still at that stage. But, the one thing you definitely are NOT, is a nutcase. Its good that you are talking to Tanner--he's listening to you. He will always be looking at his Mommy from the Rainbow Bridge, watching over you. That special bond you had with Tanner will never be broken, even if he isn't physically by your side. What we have with our little "kids" will never disappear. Think of the happy memories you had with Tanner--he would hate to see you hurting. 
Tanner loves you and misses you too.

Wishing you better days, with hugs and hearts,
Belly
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TannersMom
THANK YOU both! I know that he wouldn't want to see me so sad, and I know that it's just going to take some time. The pain is as deep as the love for him. I think the one thing that makes it so difficult, is that his love was so pure and unconditional. I don't believe I've ever felt that before, and it's hard to let go. Today I need to gather up his things and set them aside for now until I'm ready to get rid of them. So, that will be my goal today. Thank you again for your understanding and compassion. It's comforting to know that no matter the time of day or night, I can always let the feelings go I. A place that has so many people who understand the pain. Thank you again.
Susan (aka: TannersMom)
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Luvmyernie
No, no, no, you're not a nut. You're a person in grief -as am I. And it's awful and I wouldn't wish it upon my worse enemy EVER in life. For some reason though, the Lord has decided to not allow these special creatures to live as long as our bodies do. They grace us with their incredible kindness. Their enduring love and silly ways for what seems like never long enough -and in the end-we have these amazing memories. The process of grief is so intense for most of us as pet owners, but you will be able to smile again when thoughts of Tanner come to mind without being so overfilled with tears. I am so very for your pain. I know exactly how you're feeling,like you want to run out your back door and and scream on the top of your lungs while you keep running or better yet, you just want to be pinched because you swear this can't be real what's going on..... Life without your dog that's been forever in your world just can't be comprehended..... I know for me,this is very hard for me. Ernie has kept my calves and the back of knees warm every night for almost 17 years . (Give or take a night being at he er) I am so broken and hurt. Yet it's been a few months... So I should have "it together" by now according to my family. So I cry in private or grieve in private - like now. I miss my Ernie terribly. I'd give anything to just kiss his nose again or to feel his big soft ears again. I know it'll get better in time, it's going to take time -he's been in my life as long as my husband. He was the best boy. As I am sure your Tanner was too .

Don't get rid of his items
You don't have to do any thing with them- unless it's really upsetting you. Have your husband move them to a place or drawer when he comes home / if you can wait
But I would really hold off on getting totally rid of the collar or a special toy or special close items - idk... You just might want those down the road to look back on. I have stuff from all my animals in a chest, and I am very happy I do. Nothing too much, just enough to remember special times.
Just know, he was yours, anything you do or feel - it's ok! Nothing is ever weird or dumb! Everyone is different and do grief and memories in their own way! I have made a canvas print of all my pets (11X14) I have a memory wall in my master bedroom for ME to look at. It's not a shrine, it is for me to see their pretty faces everyday. And honestly, it makes me smile daily! To some that would be weird, just saying, do what is normal and what YOU want to do for YOU to remember your wonderful Tanner
And all the Love he has given you . Take care and I am sorry to ramble. A little emotional today.
I have lost 7 beloved pets in the last 9 months - it's been a rough last year! My pets are my world!
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Luvmyernie
Can you share a picture with us of Tanner? Do we have that option on this forum?
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TannersMom
Luvmyernie....I can seem to be smart enough to post a photo of Tanner. All the ones I tried exceed the size limit. However, that's him on my avatar.
Susan (aka: TannersMom)
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