lindscx
Title says it all really. I don’t know what to do. It has only been 16 days since my fur baby passed away and I genuinely just want to be gone with him. The misery I feel is indescribable, I feel 10x worse now than what I did when he first left us. I was in such a state of shock/denial right up until I got his ashes two days ago. It’s like something just clicked since that moment and now everything is all crumbling down on me. My heart physically hurts longing for him. The house is silent, empty and eerie without his presence. I hate that this is my new reality, because I am struggling to cope with it. I want my best friend back 😪💔
Lindsay
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Memories_of_Marmalade
Dear Lindsay,

I am so so sorry for what you are experiencing with your loss of your beloved "Glen." So many of us can totally relate to what you are experiencing.

Please remember that you are still early in your grief. You're just going to have to keep traveling through time. You now have 2 weeks behind you. Which were very hard to get through. Every single second, every minute, every hour, every day, every night will soon add up to months passing. And as you continue to move forward, you WILL heal. I promise you that. Many of us will tell you that is what is going to happen. You WILL heal.

Your boy living to 15 was remarkable, as you may know dogs (in the wild) only live until around 10 years old. They are only biologically designed / engineered to live for that many years. We humans can extend their lives by providing them with shelter (from the weather / elements and natural predators), regular food and fresh water, trips to the Vet's (when they are in need of medicine and treatment etc.), and love and adoration (which is important to overall well being.) However, they are not designed to live past 10. Hard to believe when a parrot or a turtle can live many, many decades, as we humans can, but our beloved pups are only supposed to live for a single decade. For cats the average lifespan is only 2 to 5 years in the wild or out on the streets. How can this be? when they are so loving, so adorable, so kind, sweet and funny?

You provided your boy with a good, long life. You made him feel like he was family to you. He felt important. He mattered. Which only contributed further to his living longer.

You wrote in one of your posts: 

"I ask my self, was getting him put to sleep 100% the right choice? But, like you said, he had no quality of life anymore. He was deaf, could barely walk and stand on his own, and all he would do was eat and sleep all day. He wasn’t the same energetic goofy pup I grew up with, he was just a shell of himself."

Don't you see sweetheart? You answered your own question. As your boy was further deteriorating, you stepped in and stepped up. You were brave and courageous and put HIS needs first. Even over your own. You stopped him becoming a "shell" of his former self. You prevented him from further pain, suffering and discomfort. "Glen" went out while he was still "him."

The endless 2nd guessing, the doubts, the guilt, the regret and remorse we feel is simply part of the grieving process, as our minds struggle to wrap themselves around our losses. As we try and make sense of what happened and that final, fatal choice we felt we had to make, which NEEDED to be made. We punish ourselves. We pay a penance for our decision. But deep down we know we were right to do so. That we HAD to make that choice. We HAD to end what our beloved's were going through. We owed them that much.

As each of us learn, when we chose to end our beloved's pain, suffering and discomfort we transfer that pain, suffering and discomfort onto ourselves. We absorb those feelings away from them. And then we process those feelings through our grief. That is the bargain we made. It is just a part of the process. Part of the journey we must take. The purging of what they were enduring that we ended for them.

When it comes to our beloved's ashes. They are sacred. Holy. Mystical. We are all made up of stardust. All living things on our planet are made up of carbon. Carbon from stars that exploded 4.5 BILLION years ago. This includes you and Glen. So that also means that Glen's ashes, are the ashes of stars. What could be more fitting? considering he was a light that shone so brightly during his lifetime. 

The level of the great pain you are experiencing is the level of the great love that Glen felt whenever he looked back into your adoring and loving eyes. How wonderful must that have been for him to know, that he was so loved and cherished and adored by you? All dogs should be so blessed.

Please know that you are not alone. We are with you in comradeship and spirit. As Glen is...always.

Kind regards and my sincerest condolences,
James
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DDs_Mom_12
Lindsay,

I know exactly how you are feeling.  I just unexpectedly lost my beloved cat on Saturday July 11th.  He followed me around just like a dog and slept near me every night.  In his honor, I made a generous donation to the animal rescue group that I adopted him from.  This has given me some peace and satisfaction in knowing that I will be helping other homeless animals in his name.  Once COVID-19 is no longer with us, I plan on again volunteering at this animal rescue group.  Volunteering for homeless animals has always been my passion and purpose in life.  Perhaps when the pain starts to subside, why not consider doing the same?  It is so rewarding. 

Sue
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peke_bb
lindscx wrote:
Title says it all really. I don’t know what to do. It has only been 16 days since my fur baby passed away and I genuinely just want to be gone with him. The misery I feel is indescribable, I feel 10x worse now than what I did when he first left us. I was in such a state of shock/denial right up until I got his ashes two days ago. It’s like something just clicked since that moment and now everything is all crumbling down on me. My heart physically hurts longing for him. The house is silent, empty and eerie without his presence. I hate that this is my new reality, because I am struggling to cope with it. I want my best friend back 😪💔


I'm so sorry Lindsay. I know how you're feeling. Yesterday was a bad day for me. I was in a daze again. But I'm trying extremely hard to push through. I say a simple prayer and ask God for strength. I'm not a religious person, but it helps. As James stated above, you will heal. You'll get to a point where there are more good days than bad. Please, if you ever feel like you want to be gone and need someone to talk to, you can talk to me anytime. I don't know you, BUT I truly genuinely care.
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Memories_of_Marmalade

I finally had to go to a mental health clinic and get on antidepressants. Which I had never taken before. I was barely eating. I felt my grief was damaging my mind and body and just finally thought it was best to go to the ER. Which I did. Did not take that long and they gave me an immediate prescription for Prozac. I was surprised how it felt. Whenever I would begin to go down into that deep dark abyss it felt like the medication would step in and prevent me from going further downwards. Such an odd feeling. I only stayed on it for a few weeks but it truly helped. For those who have not taken antidepressants they may help. 

James
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P_Mom
Dearest Lindsay, great advice from all above...we've been and are there with you.  It's been 5 months and 5 days I lost my 15 yr old chihuahua mix Patch I had since he was 16 weeks old. 10lbs of pure love, goodness, and playfulness his entire life.  He was my rock through many life's ups and downs.   Everyone grieves different, but I feel like it gets harder before it gets easier.  It still hasn't gotten easier for me, but happier memories are starting to seep through where I can at times even laugh about our memories together as everyday was fun with Patch in it.   

Looking back, I was in total shock the first few weeks.  Not long ago, I was in a real dark place feeling I couldn't live without my boy.  It scared me as I have a husband and another wonderful pup who need me. I had to pull myself out as I know in my heart Patch lived to make me happy - he would not want me in that horrible dark place.  

It's not easy, truly one day, sometimes one minute at a time.  But I'm hopeful seeing others like James and people further along letting us know there is light again. The light will come in our wonderful, cherished memories of our very special loves that we were all so blessed to be given that incredible time on earth with, and I believe, will be reunited with in our own time.  

I try to remind myself my boy only wanted my happiness when he was here with me - as I'm sure Glen did for you.  I feel him on the other side of this thin veil licking my tears until I laugh again, which I'm certain is what Glen is doing for you as well. ❤❤
Jennifer
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ClareMcw
I feel the same way. I lost my dog Stella to a tragic accident 10 days ago. Most days I cry almost the whole day. I just want her back. I wish I could give you advice that would make you feel better. I guess it just takes time. Hugs to you.  268E152D-F0B5-47F7-9611-7ADFD0D71A2A.jpeg 
Amy McWilliam
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lindscx
Wow, I am in tears right now reading through everyone’s comments. I’m truly comforted by all of your kind words, they really are helping me to get through this awful time. Thank you 😩😢 Trying my best to push through the days, but the pain is always there stabbing my heart like a knife 😪 I’m missing my boy so much! I hope everyone is doing okay today 🙏🏼💕 
Lindsay
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grievingmama
Lindsay, I just wanted to say I'm right there with you, this is hard. I've experienced loss many times in my life, both human and animal, but the loss of my little man has been the most traumatic and painful experience. He was my my best friend and meant everything to me. To carry on without him now, after spending 13 yrs together, feels impossible and unfair. I cry multiple times a day, I replay everything he did, I did, all the months leading up to his last moment. I hate that I played god, I hate that I had to make the choice to say goodbye to the only being that has ever showed me unconditional love, ever. Most of all I miss him. But I try to remind myself every day that passes without him by my side (today is 6 weeks) that I am so grateful to have found him and had him with me during my life. I was blessed to be his mom. We are all better people because of our loving companions, they teach us a lot. As much pain as I am in now, it is worth it to have had the time I did with my boy. I'm sure you would say the same about your time with Glen. There is a quote "life is uncertain, death is certain". We cannot change that reality. We have experienced great love and now great loss. What we do with that experience as we move forward in this life we have, is up to us. I get it, I struggle to get up, to eat, to go on, but I also want to honour what my boy gave me, so I push forward and play it forward. His name was Buddha, he taught me to love and be loved. Take your time and when you're ready, remember what Glen gave you and maybe try to give a little of that out to the world. Maybe that is how we make our dog love story immortal. xx 
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Adriane_d
So sorry for your loss. Stay strong 
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lindscx
Lindsay, I just wanted to say I'm right there with you, this is hard. I've experienced loss many times in my life, both human and animal, but the loss of my little man has been the most traumatic and painful experience. He was my my best friend and meant everything to me. To carry on without him now, after spending 13 yrs together, feels impossible and unfair. I cry multiple times a day, I replay everything he did, I did, all the months leading up to his last moment. I hate that I played god, I hate that I had to make the choice to say goodbye to the only being that has ever showed me unconditional love, ever. Most of all I miss him. But I try to remind myself every day that passes without him by my side (today is 6 weeks) that I am so grateful to have found him and had him with me during my life. I was blessed to be his mom. We are all better people because of our loving companions, they teach us a lot. As much pain as I am in now, it is worth it to have had the time I did with my boy. I'm sure you would say the same about your time with Glen. There is a quote "life is uncertain, death is certain". We cannot change that reality. We have experienced great love and now great loss. What we do with that experience as we move forward in this life we have, is up to us. I get it, I struggle to get up, to eat, to go on, but I also want to honour what my boy gave me, so I push forward and play it forward. His name was Buddha, he taught me to love and be loved. Take your time and when you're ready, remember what Glen gave you and maybe try to give a little of that out to the world. Maybe that is how we make our dog love story immortal. xx 




Thank you so much 💕 you’ve said everything that I’ve wanted to say. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone even though it feels that way. Buddha is such a cool name too! I know both him and glen will be happy and healthy now running around in the rainbow bridge. Like you, I haven’t mourned a loss this hard before. There have been a few family members that have passed away and I definitely did not feel such heartbreak over them the way I have with my boy. He was always there by my side through all of the difficult times, he was basically my security blanket and that is now gone which is a hard pill to swallow. I have been through SO much crap in my life though and I know that I am one tough cookie, so I know that I will get through this with time. We both will 🙏🏼💕
Lindsay
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Adriane_d
Its a different kind of 💘 
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CaliKariLillismok

I am so sorry for your pain. I understand how you feel. It is so hard without them. So quiet and so empty. I have some of the same feelings. Of course you long to be with the one you loved so much. You have to hold on though. You have to give yourself time to grief. The loss can be overwhelming. Make sure you reach out. You can contact me anytime you need. I matter what time. I will be here for you. I lost my baby girl. I live alone so without her I am really alone . Please be kind to yourself and know we need to carry on because they would want us to!!!


take care! Sending prayers your way!

kari 

Kari whiteaker
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