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AnnetteinNC

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since part of me died. Last week I thought  I was doing ok but maybe that was just mostly wishful thinking. Sometimes I would think,there's a few things you can actually do now that you wouldn't do with her around,like taking a class or so but then I'd feel instantly guilty,plus I now don't  want to take a class anyway.
This week has been bad,at times it feels like some huge Tsunami of grief washing over me and it feels like I'm drowning. Since I work from home she was with me just about 24/7 except in the summer when I wouldn't take her along while driving somewhere because of the heat. She was my little buddy,my companion and my best friend (and now I'm starting to cry again as I'm writing this).I still miss her terribly!!!
I don't want another dog, all I really want is her back!
I'm so sorry about not posting lately but I just wasn't sure if I could handle it at the time,hope you all can understand...

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Susie_Squillions

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Reply with quote  #2 
Oh, Annette ~

This is all a part of the process, and I wish I could change it for you.  When the protective bubble of the shock of our losses begins to lift, the grief sneaks in at the most unexpected times.  It can really smack us in the face some days.  It's a tremendous emotional roller coaster, and sometimes we just have to hang on for dear life. 

Of course you want her back!  We all understand how lonely and empty you feel.  It's a vacuum like no other.  One day, when the time is right, you will meet another best friend to spend your days with.  You will form a new bond, and your special girl will never, ever be pushed out of the way.  If anything, forming a new friendship can make the first one that much more special because you realize that that was your first friend who taught you so much and who prepared you for every friend you will ever meet in life, human and animal.

I'm sending virtual hugs of understanding and comfort your way today.  I hope you can feel them.



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nicokudo

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Reply with quote  #3 
AnnetteinNC,

We all know how difficult the ups and downs are after losing a precious baby.  Many of us, including myself, have had to step back from the forum and not come here because it was just too painful.

Wanting her, just her, back in your arms is such a normal feeling. I remember thinking after my Kudo died that I would have done almost anything to hold him just one more time.  Then interestingly enough, I had a very vivid dream where I was holding and petting him...I remember thinking in the dream that I could really feel his fur.  It is one of the most vivid dreams that I have ever had.

 I wish there was some magic piece of advice that I could give you, but there isn't.  Time will make the pain lessen, but you will always love and remember your little girl. All of the special things that made her special will always remain in your heart, part of who you are.

Thinking of you and your girl.

Karen



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shmoobear

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Reply with quote  #4 
Oh Annette, I've been thinking about you, but totally understand how sometimes you have to take a step back. It is so normal that the grief comes like waves. I too thought that I was doing well one day, and the next I was a mess. It wasn't even that anything big happened....or that there was some big reminder....it was just waking up one day and there it was.

I'm in the same place as you....I don't want another dog. At this point I would feel like they are invading Dakota's space and I would resent them. And that wouldn't be fair to the poor dog. I won't say never....but I think it will be a long time before I would be able to view them as a new friend, and not someone trying to replace Dakota.

My body physically aches to hold Dakota again....I know that even friends who have sympathy for me probably can't understand why I'm still so upset about this. But honestly, I haven't been talking to too many people lately.

Just know that you have the ride the waves that come....you'll have more good days...and you'll have more bad days. There is nothing I can say that will fix you missing your friend. But know that we are all thinking of you and wishing you peace...
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Goobiesbf

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Reply with quote  #5 
I'm in the same situation you're in - working from home, etc. - and at 3 weeks I was still a basketcase.  Our grief has no time table.  Each of us have many different connections and habits that have been broken and that have to be mended during our grief.  When we're at home most of the day with our fur-babies, they become a part of every moment, every action, every word, every move we make so there's a load of mending that has to be done during our grief.  Be patient.  It hurts but there are lessons in the pain. You put more stress on yourself when you fight the grief.  It's a ride we have little control over.  And it does get better.  Hugs.

Ellen 
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NTB

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Reply with quote  #6 
Annette,  like you I work from home and my boy was with with me 24 hours per day.  Not having that physical presence there is so hard.  I will be feeling fine working at my desk then forget what happened for a moment and turn around and see the empty spot where he used to lay and start to cry.  I have found the most comfort in going back through all our photos although it was hard to start and many tears were shed.  So many good time and memories.  I sure you and your girl shared many as well.  I now have an 8x10 photo at my desk and I know he is again with me helping me through the day. 

I am having your same thoughts of just wanting him back and that I will never want another dog.   Just yesterday I found myself thinking that I should gather up his remaining fur for its DNA so that I could have a clone of him made.  With time I am sure that I will warm again to sharing the love of another dog and hope you will someday to.  There are so many beautiful dogs out there that were not blessed like our two were and do not have loving homes.  I am sure that both of ours would want us to pass on this gift to the future generations. 

It is going to be long struggle but just keep remembering the good times.
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AnnetteinNC

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Reply with quote  #7 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Susie_Squillions
Oh, Annette ~

This is all a part of the process, and I wish I could change it for you.  When the protective bubble of the shock of our losses begins to lift, the grief sneaks in at the most unexpected times.  It can really smack us in the face some days.  It's a tremendous emotional roller coaster, and sometimes we just have to hang on for dear life. 

Of course you want her back!  We all understand how lonely and empty you feel.  It's a vacuum like no other.  One day, when the time is right, you will meet another best friend to spend your days with.  You will form a new bond, and your special girl will never, ever be pushed out of the way.  If anything, forming a new friendship can make the first one that much more special because you realize that that was your first friend who taught you so much and who prepared you for every friend you will ever meet in life, human and animal.

I'm sending virtual hugs of understanding and comfort your way today.  I hope you can feel them.



Thanks Susie,the thing about the protective bubble wearing off is so true as well as it feeling like a roller coaster. Today is a little better but yesterday was bad.
Thanks so much for your comforting words and the virtual hugs!!
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AnnetteinNC

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Reply with quote  #8 
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicokudo
AnnetteinNC,

We all know how difficult the ups and downs are after losing a precious baby.  Many of us, including myself, have had to step back from the forum and not come here because it was just too painful.

Wanting her, just her, back in your arms is such a normal feeling. I remember thinking after my Kudo died that I would have done almost anything to hold him just one more time.  Then interestingly enough, I had a very vivid dream where I was holding and petting him...I remember thinking in the dream that I could really feel his fur.  It is one of the most vivid dreams that I have ever had.

 I wish there was some magic piece of advice that I could give you, but there isn't.  Time will make the pain lessen, but you will always love and remember your little girl. All of the special things that made her special will always remain in your heart, part of who you are.

Thinking of you and your girl.

Karen



Thanks Karen for understanding and your kind words,they made a difference! That is so great about your dream,it must have been very comforting to you!
I'm not sure if I dreamed about her yet,a couple of times it felt like I had but then I couldn't quite remember...
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AnnetteinNC

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Reply with quote  #9 
Quote:
Originally Posted by shmoobear
Oh Annette, I've been thinking about you, but totally understand how sometimes you have to take a step back. It is so normal that the grief comes like waves. I too thought that I was doing well one day, and the next I was a mess. It wasn't even that anything big happened....or that there was some big reminder....it was just waking up one day and there it was.

I'm in the same place as you....I don't want another dog. At this point I would feel like they are invading Dakota's space and I would resent them. And that wouldn't be fair to the poor dog. I won't say never....but I think it will be a long time before I would be able to view them as a new friend, and not someone trying to replace Dakota.

My body physically aches to hold Dakota again....I know that even friends who have sympathy for me probably can't understand why I'm still so upset about this. But honestly, I haven't been talking to too many people lately.

Just know that you have the ride the waves that come....you'll have more good days...and you'll have more bad days. There is nothing I can say that will fix you missing your friend. But know that we are all thinking of you and wishing you peace...


Thanks for thinking about me,I had been thinking about you also.I know what you mean by physically aching to hold them again,and also about you not wanting another dog,at least for now.I feel the same,I'm afraid I'd resent the new arrival for not being her and like you said that just wouldn't be fair.
I came back from taking a pottery wheel class yesterday and was reminded that every time before when I'd go somewhere where she couldn't come I could not wait to get back home and to get back to her but yesterday there was no one waiting...
I wish you and everyone else here peace as well,you've made me feel a bit better!
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AnnetteinNC

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Reply with quote  #10 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Goobiesbf
I'm in the same situation you're in - working from home, etc. - and at 3 weeks I was still a basketcase.  Our grief has no time table.  Each of us have many different connections and habits that have been broken and that have to be mended during our grief.  When we're at home most of the day with our fur-babies, they become a part of every moment, every action, every word, every move we make so there's a load of mending that has to be done during our grief.  Be patient.  It hurts but there are lessons in the pain. You put more stress on yourself when you fight the grief.  It's a ride we have little control over.  And it does get better.  Hugs.

Ellen 

Thanks Ellen! It does a lot of sense what youn wrote about the many different connections and habits that have been broken and that now need to be mended.
Thanks also for the hugs.
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AnnetteinNC

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Reply with quote  #11 
Quote:
Originally Posted by NTB
Annette,  like you I work from home and my boy was with with me 24 hours per day.  Not having that physical presence there is so hard.  I will be feeling fine working at my desk then forget what happened for a moment and turn around and see the empty spot where he used to lay and start to cry.  I have found the most comfort in going back through all our photos although it was hard to start and many tears were shed.  So many good time and memories.  I sure you and your girl shared many as well.  I now have an 8x10 photo at my desk and I know he is again with me helping me through the day. 

I am having your same thoughts of just wanting him back and that I will never want another dog.   Just yesterday I found myself thinking that I should gather up his remaining fur for its DNA so that I could have a clone of him made.  With time I am sure that I will warm again to sharing the love of another dog and hope you will someday to.  There are so many beautiful dogs out there that were not blessed like our two were and do not have loving homes.  I am sure that both of ours would want us to pass on this gift to the future generations. 

It is going to be long struggle but just keep remembering the good times.


Thanks do much for your reply! You're right,not having their constant physical presence there is one of the hardest things,she would always be laying there watching me,when she see me looking at her,her tail would wag :)
I was thinking about going through the pictures as well,even bought two picture frames already,one for her and for her brother who passed away a few years ago.
I actually saved some hair from her brother,that I thought I could have him cloned from ;)  and the other day while walking in the yard I saw some of her dried up poop and I almost wanted to put it into a baggy to preserve it,isn't it strange-the thoughts that run through one's head during times like these?
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angiet7

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Reply with quote  #12 
its been the same for me Annette , thought i was doing well with losing Mika and then the sun was shinning and i am in the garden doing some gardening , and mika always always followed me . chewing little sticks and digging in the soil next to me , that was her way of helping ,,, but she isent at my side anymore , I managed to do some weeding but i was just in floods of tears wanting her back with me , so i think we both bad at the moment ,, we will cope i am sure , take care of yourself xx
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AnnetteinNC

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Reply with quote  #13 
Quote:
Originally Posted by angiet7
its been the same for me Annette , thought i was doing well with losing Mika and then the sun was shinning and i am in the garden doing some gardening , and mika always always followed me . chewing little sticks and digging in the soil next to me , that was her way of helping ,,, but she isent at my side anymore , I managed to do some weeding but i was just in floods of tears wanting her back with me , so i think we both bad at the moment ,, we will cope i am sure , take care of yourself xx


Thanks for your reply!
I know just what you mean,I just came back in from doing some gardening as well and there was many a moment when I was thinking that she would just love this weather,comfortable and a little breeze,she would be laying nearby watching me or standing right there while I was digging in the ground waiting for a grub to pop up which she would then gobble up ;) she loved eating those grubs!
I feel so lonesome out there and inside the house also,missing my little constant companion. Hoping that it will get better with time,for you and I and for all the rest who are missing our babies!
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