FClaire
Struggling today with guilty thoughts. Some I know are just silly but I have no control over them.
Feeling really guilty today for just being in the house and trying to carry on and do normal things. Ollie just loved being in with us, he got all the attention!! Feel so guilty and very upset that hes not here in his house, he thought everything was his. He would love to be here, so sad hes missing out. Hubby pottered about in the shed (trying to keep busy) and Ollie would love to be with him in the shed, sniffing and being nosey. He couldn't do that today, so feel guilty even over that. Have managed to cook a piece of meat, not that we feel like eating it! Ollie loved sundays when I cooked meat. He would not settle until it was cooked and had been given some. Feel so guilty for cooking this and hes not here for some. I know I should try and not to think and feel like this. But so hard. Every day seems to get harder and harder.
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anang
You are amazing, and please be gentle on yourself. You have done nothing wrong, you are mourning your baby. 
I can relate to each day getting harder and harder. It's like a paradox. All we can do is our best, and know that grief is not linear. 
Please let go of your guilt. I know it is easier said than done, but it really has no purpose. I only say that because my dad constantly tells me that, and although I struggle with it myself, I firmly believe it.
Ollie is with you in more ways than you know.
-Katie
 
K. Unger
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FClaire
Katie thankyou x I know your right, or should i say I think your dad is right! I realise it's not doing any good. I think I need to start doing things, because these thoughts are more intense when I am not doing anything. But then it is trying to adjust. I said to my husband before, I just didn't realise how much our lives did revolve around Ollie. I'm finding things to do in the house that I hadn't done in quite a while,because every time I tried to do something I would give up because ollie always wanted my attention. Doing things now without him under my feet is so hard to adjust to. He was always very nosey and wanted to be involved in everything. Thankyou Katie,for your kind words xxx
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear FClaire,

I think we all feel the same way that you do. It is so hard to find "normal" again after the loss of our beloved's. I also do think that we feel we need to pay some form of penance: 

(pĕn′əns)

1. An act of self-mortification or devotion performed voluntarily to show sorrow for a sin or other wrongdoing.

2. A sacrament in some Christian churches that includes contrition, confession to a priest, acceptance of punishment, and absolution.

This is a very ancient feeling evidently. One many of us share with you. Please know that you are not alone in this feeling and we are all with you in spirit.

Kind regards,
James

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BeautifulDK
Memories_of_Marmalade wrote:


Dear FClaire,

I think we all feel the same way that you do. It is so hard to find "normal" again after the loss of our beloved's. I also do think that we feel we need to pay some form of penance: 

(pĕn′əns)

1. An act of self-mortification or devotion performed voluntarily to show sorrow for a sin or other wrongdoing.

2. A sacrament in some Christian churches that includes contrition, confession to a priest, acceptance of punishment, and absolution.

This is a very ancient feeling evidently. One many of us share with you. Please know that you are not alone in this feeling and we are all with you in spirit.

Kind regards,
James



Dear James and FClaire, it is EXACTLY what it is. It's Penance. I am speaking to a priest today. Everyone tells me I did no wrong, but it sure feels like it. Oh God :(
Found this - no wonder I am confused :( 
https://chaplaincy.tufts.edu/humanist/files/Religion-Animals.pdf

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pannklaus
I am sorry about the loss of your precious Ollie and the guilt and grief you are struggling with.  So many people in this group write that even when they know they shouldn't feel guilty they still do.  Since guilt is often a part of the grieving process, maybe it would help to just accept it and not try to make it go away.  It seems like you are feeling guilty about feeling guilty, which just adds on another layer of complexity.  We feel whatever we feel for as long as we feel it.  There isn't any way to make any of it go any faster, although we all wish that it would.
Patsy
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