I have wondered about this, I'm going through the fear of 'forgetting', I mean I will never forget Simba, but I might forget his smell, his sense, and that my pain is somehow allowing me to keep these?
Im no where near this, I lost him a few days ago and I am all over the place emotionally speaking, but I have had a flash of this thought. It's like you get split in two, one part runs away from the pain, pushes it away and creates distance, and another part nags at you, punishing you. I'm not sure if this is what you mean, if not I'm sorry if I am off the mark. I'm sorry you are scared and hurting.