Dogman007
My little sweetheart was around 19 or 20 years old.She had been ill,not eating,losing weight.For a 11 pound dog that's not good.I spent weeks nursing her back to health.I finally got some weight back on her,then she had a seizure that was just horrible.I won't get into the details,it was devastating .We were force to take her to the vet and have her put down...My heart is completely broken.She and I had a special friendship with each other.I counted on her,and she counted on me.She always looked for me,and I always looked for her.Even as I write this I can't hold back the tears.I cry every day on my way home from work.My other two little dogs look for her and that makes it so much worse,she was the leader of the pack.I can't get over the feeling that I let her down.I know I gave her a wonderful life,but she counted on me for EVERYTHING!!I just don't know what to do with myself sometimes.I talk to her daily,tell her I love and miss her,but the grief won't subside.I just don't know what to do with all this heartache .Any ideas anyone?P.S.The other two dogs are doing pretty good now,I try to keep my grieving away from them...
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Teesabell
Dogman007,

So sorry for your loss of your furbaby!  Losing a pet has to be the most devastating thing ever!  You are very blessed to have your baby reach the age of 19-20!  I lost my baby Cookie 12 days ago.  It has been hard and I have experience the same things you have described.  I cry and talk to her every day.  Finding this site has helped tremendously, especially all of the support from fellow owners going through the same thing.  I encourage you to check out a few posts and share your experiences as well.  I don't know if it will help you as much as me, but I am hopeful.  Praying for you to find peace and comfort in knowing your baby is happy and pain free! 
Terri
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CKMP
Dogmam007,

So so sorry for your loss of your special companion.  It is overwhelming, the sense of loss, of emptiness and of the heartache.  What a wonderful amount of time you had to share your lives - 19 or 20!  My goodness - you two have to the best and closet of friends - and you have to be a fantastic care giver and care taker.  Teesabell is right about this site - there are so many wonderfully caring and supportive people here - and we are all unfortunately here for the same painful reason - won  have all lost a very very important family member.  I have said it a number of times - having to make that final decision is the most difficult and the most selfless act ever.  The tears you cry are the final gift to give to your girl - an expression of your deep love for her.  A bond that strong between you two can not be broken or lost - she will be close to you always.  Guilt and self doubt are two intruders into our grief - we care so deeply and are so responsible to and for our companions -  when something happens we jump to blame ourselves - it has to be what we did or did not do.  Don't let these two intruders in - I can tell you from experience - once in they are very tough to get rid of.  I lost my girl two months and 8 days ago and I still cry tears each day and still question and blame myself for anything and everything under the sun.  Teesabell has said to read some of the posts and share your experiences and thoughts - it does help support you through some dark moments and days.  Those two pups are at home are there to help you through the difficult moments - your special girl walks with them and you each day - never far.  Warm thoughts . . . 
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winstonsmom12
Dogman  Very sorry to hear of your loss.  Goodness, your baby lived a long, loving life.  I am happy to read your other 2 babies are feeling better also.  Please tell us more about your baby. There is always a caring loving person on here to support you through your grief.  We all are grieving the loss of our babies.  Blessings   Sue
Susan
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jimmy17
Dogman007, I am so sorry for the loss of your special little girl.  Even though its so hard at the moment, you 2 shared such a long and happy time together.  We lost our Once in a Lifetime dog 5 months ago, he was 17 and as we`ve no children he was very much our baby. When he had to be put to sleep I really couldn`t imagine life without him, his last few months were not so good, we were basically his care givers also, so life was just very, very empty.   I still cry, and miss him so much, but am now able to look back at the wonderful life we shared with him.  Finding this site was the best thing, just knowing you are not alone, and that the way you are feeling right now is normal. I also started a journal which I still write in daily - 17 years of beautiful memories , and I`m still remembering things I thought were long forgotten. 
 I`m glad your other 2 little dogs are doing okay now - just as you will.  It will take time, because we loved them so very much, but they leave a piece of themselves forever in our hearts, such strong bonds will never be broken.
                                                                     Take care, Jackie
J Taylor
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GeeAnn
Dogman it will get better.  I can only say that because I went through this 8 years ago with our Lab who was just shy of 17 years old.  It took me a lot longer that I thought it would to move on from that, but I was finally able to think about her without crying and today I just have the sweetest memories of her.  We lost our Border Collie mix 4 years ago at age 14.  I was lucky because his health had been rapidly declining and I decided it was time and was going to call the vet the next day to make an appointment.  He died that night with his head on my lap.  He just laid down his head and took and deep breath and that was it.  I was so sad over that one but I didn't have the questioning and guilt and so the grieving didn't feel as painful.  It very rarely happens that way and I wish that wasn't so.  When we have to make the decision to end their suffering, it adds another element to losing them and grieving that we have to cope with.  And its so hard.   All of their life, our main focus was making them happy, keeping them safe and being their protector.  It goes against everything we have done for them to make that decision.  But I have been trying to remember that for a dog, life is about being loved, running, playing, eating, chewing on toys--enjoying life!  Because they have no concept of time or logic, when they feel bad or are in pain it must be very sad for them to not be able to do any of the things that make them happy--except be loved by us.  

I have been dealing with the guilt of whether I made the right decision too.  While I don't know if the vets diagnosis was spot on, I do know that there was something seriously wrong with our sweet Riley and maybe we could have given him another month or two but I don't think they would have been the types of days he was used to and that would have made him sad, which would have also made me sad.  A friend of mine told me that I took the pain so Riley wouldn't have to--and that's true love.  I am trying to find comfort in that and I hope you can too--but I know its hard.  
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JerseyNonna
dogman, i'm so sorry to read of the loss of your dear girl.  indeed what a blessing you were given to have shared 19/20 years with such a wonderful soul and obviously you took such good care of her for those years.  it is very hard to lose such a dearly loved companion and you will begin to have ok days mixed with the sad ones and the ok days will begin to turn to good days.  won't happen overnight but it does happen with all of us.  I lost my service dog roxie the evening after Christmas very suddenly and I felt as if the rug of life was pulled right out from under me.  walked around in a fog for about 2 weeks, not caring, not sleeping much, very little appetite, just running almost on autopilot because my body was just so used to doing the little things I still can.  the greatest gift of love that you gave to your girl was that final gift of releasing her from her pain to cross the bridge to that special wonderful place where she is young and healthy and playing with the rest of our dear friends where she waits for you.  by now i'm even sure her spirit is back at the house with you watching over you and the rest of her pack family so keep talking to her.  for now, many many hugs and prayers to you and we're here for you.
JerseyNonna
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Bailey15
Hi Dogman,
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious girl! I do understand the pain you feel after that awful decision to say good bye. It is the ultimate act of kindness we can give to our best friends - but it in no way prepares you for the terrible grief that follows.
I think it's so sweet that you don't want to let your other dogs see you grieve (I would be the same way) but maybe you could all comfort each other. They must be grieving too so perhaps you could hug them and just let your feelings out. Animals are so intuitive. My friend's dog passed away and she was also devastated. Her cat, who she had rescued but who never really bothered much with her, suddenly was at her side constantly even sleeping up by her head. My friend was shocked that it was the same cat. I'm just thinking that if you let them, your other dogs would likely be happy to be there for you.
I write in a journal to my Bailey (who passed 6 months ago) and I am still working on a scrapbook for him. It makes me feel like I am doing something to honor him and also helps me feel close to him.
I hope that you are able to find some peace! Such a painful time, I know!
Sending you positive thought for healing,
MJ

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CK1991
So sorry for the loss of your beloved little dog! It is so very hard lose such a sweet little soul.
Hugs to you!
CK
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