We had to put our dog of nearly 14 years down on Monday. That's the thing that's causing so much pain though, I don't know for sure that we did "have" to.

She was pretty much always thirsty, always hungry throughout the day. We fed her and gave her water whenever she needed it and she would balloon up and not be able to move around well. We weren't going to put her down, but then on Monday she started getting very sick, she had very loose stool and we think may have been throwing up feces as well. We also thought she had a bowl obstruction because there appeared to be blood in her stool and she would strain when trying to poop outside the last few days.

As awful as that all sounds, what makes me question the decision is that a few weeks ago she had these stroke-like head twitches. We were going to put her down then but she kind of bounced back.

As much as I try to tell myself we did the right thing I just can't stop wondering if she would have bounced back again. Even if she wouldn't have, I'll never be able to get the image of her last few seconds out of my head. Before they did it she was trying to get off the table, her tail wagging, crying loudly. We kept petting her and comforting her. They sedated her, but when they did the final injection she jerked a little bit like she was fighting to get lose. Then she just sort of laid down with her eyes open. All I can think of and see when I close my eyes is her laying there with her eyes wide open.

I can't think back on the good memories of her anymore because it just brings pain so I try to ignore it.

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First I send you my deepest sympathy on your loss , it is so hard.  I lost two of mine that were seniors this year, and I too had to make that decision. The second guessing is a part of your grief you will go thru this.  I always say this and I say it sadly from experience, when the time comes for our babies we have such a strong bond of love with them , they know and so do we deep inside.  This doesn't mean we wont second guess ourselves or to feel like that we may have let them down, but with time we do realize that it was part of our duty of loving them to release them from the earthly pain they are in.  I send to you prayers of healing please know you are not alone here.
Debbie Princess, Kaizer & Maddie's mom
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I am so sorry for your loss.

All of us here, at some point, have been where you are today. The guilt you are feeling is understandable. The images you have of your furbaby will one day not be so vivid and memories will overtake them.
I know for on 09-04-09, I had to help my Jasmine to The Bridge and the guilt is still consuming. I carried her all day on her last day so she would go feeling how much love I had for her and I thanked her for the 13 years she gave us. It is a gut retching decision to make and it has created such a void in my life. But Jasmine was suffering so much-not eating-not drinking. But I know she is at The Bridge free from pain now.

You are in my prayers today.


Cheryl and Angel Jasmine
Jasmine is loved
Jasmine took ProIn
Jasmine is gone

Cheryl and Angel Jasmine
Jasmine was loved
Jasmine was given ProIn
Jasmine is now gone
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Consumed with guilt and grief constantly for the 1st 2 weeks -- wondering about all the "what ifs" and trying to decide how I could have done something differently to have prevented the liver cancer.  I relate so well to where you are coming from.  It is almost 4 weeks now, and I cry everyday, but thankfully the obsession with guilt has lightened up.  Your load will lighten too. God bless you and your sweet baby. 
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