It helps me a lot to read about all the stories I can relate to. I feel so much guilt, too. My Westie, Quaint, would be 13 Years in May. He had Cushing Syndrom. I ask myself constantly, would it be different, if I would go sooner to the vet or should I go to another vet, should I have tried different this and that....
I believed so much I was doing everything right. On the end he was only bones and skin, he was not greeting me as I came home from work...I should have known better! I should bring him to a vet sooner.
He had skin problems all his life, but all I heard from vets was I should try a different diet, I should bath him with a special shampoo.... I did everything. I always managed his skin problems. Until last year as his skin problems became worse. The vet said, as expected, different diet, so I didn't go to a vet anymore. I tried alternative medicine, found a certified Homeopath, who run bioanalysis and the result was Cushing Syndrom. With a special treatment he was getting better, his skin was healing, his hair was growing, slowly, but growing, I changed his diet as suggested, giving him herbs as subscribed... Now I think it was too late. Although he was eating, he was constantly losing weight, he was losing interest in everything, he was only sleeping. He could barely stand at the end.
At the Vet station I experienced the nightmare. I felt like the worst pet parent in the world. As I told the vet I went for a homeopathic help to help him, he wouldn't listen at all, I tried to explain, but it was worthless. I didn't do anything in his eyes, I left my pet untreated.
The blood results and X-Ray showed he had enlarged liver and was very anemic. He could barely stand.
I am not sure anymore I made the right decision and it is eating me. The guilt is so big that sometimes I can't breathe.
Why I didn't go to a different vet? Why I didn't go to a vet different vet months, years ago? And the worst guilt, why I didn't see the alarm the second he would not come greeting me as I came home? Why?
I know it has no point asking myself all this questions, I can't turn back time, but it helps to write them down and to know some of you will understand.
The whole routine changed. weekends are the worst. He is everywhere, but yet, he is not there anymore.
I am happy to go to work, although I can't really concentrate, my co-workers doesn't know (and wouldn't care).
He was my everything. I have a partner and two cats, but he is not there anymore and they can't fill up the emptiness that remained. I miss him so much. I would do anything to have him back!
Thank you for reading this and thank you for all of your stories that really help me to know I am not alone with my destructive thoughts.
Please reach out, I understand the guilt you are facing