I had to euthanize my 17 year old calico cat two days ago after a 4 months struggle with squamous cell carcinoma and after at least 10 visits to 4 different vets. i am devastated and the guilt is eating me up mainly because the last half hour did not go smoothly. The vet used some kind of medication that made her vomit, seizures and emit agonizing sounds…and my heart is breaking till now. He had to give her three injections because it was not working her heart was still strong. the image of her seizures and cries don’t leave me. I feel like she already feels betrayed for doing what I did and on top of it it was painful. I am sure I had to do it because the tumor was getting worse and I could see that she was miserable but I cannot help but feel that I betrayed her. but mainly what’s upsetting me is the agonizing euthanasia process. I would appreciate any feedback you can share. Anyone has any feedback about a euthanasia gone wrong? might she have felt it? Thank you

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Dear ranag55, I'm so sorry for your loss and for the terrible pain you are going through. I have not experienced this kind of situation. I lost my boy a week ago, also after 17 years together. His heart stopped after the stress of visiting the vet. We had to take him to the vet but we never expected this.

It won't help you feel any better, but I know many cases where the euthanasia didn't seem to go well. The bodies respond differently to the drug and nobody can predict. From what you described, your girl was a fighter till the very end. Given the signs and the seizures, I doubt she felt any sort of pain. It was just her body responding and fighting against the drug. And her strong heart beating against all odds. You feel the immense guilt now and it's normal. But you did the best you could and she knows. They always know how we feel, that's why they come to us when we are upset or happy. It's not something you needed to explain with words. You did the right thing for your furry child, despite the unpleasant ending. In her state, there couldn't be pain anymore. 

Please stay strong and try to remember that your girl would want you to be strong, not sad. Time will slowly heal your broken heart. Hugs
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Dear ranag55, I’m also so sorry for your loss, and for having to go through a terrible experience on top of it. Like Pisiciul, I don’t have any experience with euthanasia gone wrong, but I agree with what Pisiciul has said. Please don’t feel guilty and beat yourself up. You did nothing wrong. You did everything you could, especially trying so hard to save your girl with so many vets and visits. Even though it’s heartbreaking, you made the right decision so that your baby wouldn’t suffer in pain anymore. I’ve had to make that agonizing decision too, twice before. There’s no way you could have known that the procedure wouldn’t go smoothly. Please try to find some comfort in knowing you did everything you could, and that everyone here gives you love, support and understanding. Sending you hugs...
Cindy (Buddy’s mama)
My baby Buddy 5/4/10-3/7/20, rescued March 2011
My sweet Mandy 11/27/91-11/2/10, rescued November 1992
My beautiful Barney 4/28/73-9/7/92, adopted May 1973
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Hi- I can completely relate as I went through a similar experience. My beloved pup was only 3 but very ill. Everyone in my life including my vet said it was time to euthanize. It did not go well. My pup had anxiety and freaked out when she saw the vet. She struggled and I had to hold her down when they gave her the injection. She fought the medication, cried horribly, and kept struggling to stand. Vet gave her a second injection.  I actually told vet to stop as I was changing my mind. Seeing my baby struggle and cried crushed my heart. At that point she settled down and the final injection worked. It’s been 5 weeks now. I cry less but have not forgotten nor will I ever forget that horrible experience. For weeks I beat myself up thinking my baby didn’t want to die and I killed her. The only thing that gets me through is remembering how ill she was, how much pain and how miserable. I just want you to know I understand what you are going through. My advice is to try not to constantly rewind and replay those last few moments. At the end, you were there with your pet and you cared / that’s enough 
mia sara
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Not with my dog Cody, who is in the picture with me and passed in January, but another dog of mine named Stubby I had a bad experience. He was the first animal I ever put to sleep. When I took him in the room the doctor came in and kept having to poke him over and over with the injection to find a vein and he was bleeding and I felt so horrible. He finally got it to work but it haunts me to this day.
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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