Jenny_Fuzz Show full post »
Jax84
It feels wrong to be without my girl too. I can't stop saying that to my husband. It feels so wrong. Instill refuse to believe I'll never see her again.

Jenny I LOVE that photo so much. Soooo gorgeous. It really validates how much I need a kitty in my life to feel whole.
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Jenny_Fuzz
Thank you to both of you. I am definitely there with you on how you're feeling. I really miss him. I've been having terrible thoughts today that I know are not healthy to have. I know he never liked being apart from me and I feel like I've forced him to be apart from me. I know he would want to be here right now with me if he could. I just have to keep telling myself that the cancer took him. I didn't choose to split us apart....
Jenny
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Jax84
I don't know if we're allowed to post videos, but I just discovered this one. I'm not religious on any level but I watched it and even though I bawled my eyes out in some parts I think this video (about to watch part 2 now) might literally be the only thing that can legitimately help me cope with my grief. It's interesting and wonderful and makes me so hopeful. I hope it will bring a small measure of comfort to you in such a lonely time.

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Jax84
^ there is a part in there that specifically talks about when, how and why they pass on. That is the part that made me bawl my eyes out yet have hope that my cat is okay without me.
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moysoyjoy
Thank you for posting this Jax, I found it extremely comforting.
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Jax84
moysoyjoy wrote:
Thank you for posting this Jax, I found it extremely comforting.


You're so welcome. It has been the ONLY thing to bring me comfort. I'm so glad I found it and that you saw it too.

I kept thinking about how she died and that I was never with her and never saw her when or after it happened. Knowing it's how she wanted it/planned it/didn't feel anything has answered my questions and soothed my guilt that her death was my fault. I woke up this morning feeling so different to every single day before that. It doesn't quite hurt to live anymore.
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Jenny_Fuzz
Thank you for the video. It is definitely helpful for some people on here so I'm glad you shared!

I brought Fuzz's ashes home today. The relief I feel at having him back in the house is much more than I expected. My heart still aches constantly, but it provides me with a little peace anyway.

It's been a week since I've found out we were going to have to put him down and how bad of shape he was in. He had spent the entire day at the vet and they called me and told me the results of the tests. He was so happy to see me when I walked in to get him that he was meowing as loud as he could. He was so happy to be home as well. He sprawled out on the bed and just crashed. I doubt he slept at all at the vet all day and he was used to sleeping all day normally. He doesn't like sleeping on the bed at night because he likes his own personal space when he naps, but he stayed on the bed for a while after I went to bed. He was so tired. He eventually moved to his cat bed like he always does. He loved his cat bed so much that he did often sleep in it even when the bed was completely free. Seeing his condition when he got home, I was having doubts about having to put him down. They gave him IV fluids and he perked right up. I know it was the right decision because he was in rough shape by the end of the day Tuesday, but at that time, I was starting to think he could make it a couple more days....I miss my fuzz. 

[gPG1hCT] 
Jenny
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Trudijane
Jenny, Jenny

Your words are the same that's in my heart; I lost my Coony in August 2015; I've felt and still have the same feelings as you do even though Coony had a buddy named Montana who is also grieving (I can tell).

About the question of when to adopt another cat - if you truly love cats - you'll want to love another because they all deserve love from someone like you.  But, wait until you're ready and not before.  I have had 3 generations of cats that I've lost and it took at least a year between my being able to even consider adopting another cat and after the first one of 18 years; I adopted 2 cats the 2nd time.  They both passed within the same week of different circumstances at the age of 13.  Talk about devastation.  I thought I'd seen it all.

But, you bond with each cat differently, some stronger than others, and so much to touch Coony when I kiss his photo goodnight...I still do.  I'm hoping to adopt a pal for Montana in a couple of months.  I'm hoping to love him a new way but I'll never forget Coony and Fuzz is irreplaceable also.

Take your time.  You will know when you're ready and you know in your heart that you're not forgetting him by putting away his toys, etc. He's right there with you - in your heart.
TrudiJaneNeiverth
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Jenny_Fuzz
Thank you so much. I am sorry about your Coony. None of it is fair, but it is reality....

I am definitely going to adopt again, two cats because I feel so bad for cats that don't have a companion. I think I'll be ready in a couple months. I need that cat companionship so much. None will be as good as Fuzz was, but that's ok. 

It has helped me a lot to put his stuff away so I don't have to see it out unused. I still keep it in the house, very accessible. I've opened the tubs daily to pull out his favorite bed and just hug it for a while. It's away so I can function, but available for when I need it. 

This house still feels very wrong, and I think even with new cats it will still feel that way. It's such an odd feeling to lose someone that important to you. There's the time before Fuzz, while Fuzz was around, and after Fuzz. It's like my life has these three phases. They are all so distinctly different. I don't feel that way as much about the other cats I had, but that doesn't mean they didn't mean anything to me. It's just different. Fuzz was my kitty soulmate for sure. 
Jenny
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