MotherPugger
I just lost my sweet little Sammie girl on this past Sat. Dec. 6th. I'm DEVASTATED!!! She was 12 years old on 8/25/14, I've had her since 8 weeks old, she had had a bladder infection like 2 weeks prior and I had brought her in and got meds and the following week we went back in and everything looked great. This past week was very busy, I have two boys 1 1/2 & 3 and I took them to see Santa Wed. night, was home Thurs., but my hubby said Sammie didn't eat, the following morning she ate her treat & meds (for allergies) and then didn't really want to eat Friday night. Sat. morning I ran my boys to a church Advent Retreat and when I got back home to let out the pugs (I have 3 including Sammie, all female and all 12 years old. Sammie was black, the other 2 fawn) the 2 fawns came out, but not Sammie. I went in to get her and she was just limp, breathing very heavy and her tongue was gray. I set her outside and she just stood there, I KNEW something was VERY wrong and started freaking out, ironically our vet was at his office which was crazy as he normally closes early Sat., we rushed her there, BUT I KNEW she was dying, I held her and brought her in in a blanket and he took her temp it was 4 degrees below normal, it said that was not good at all, she wagged her little curled tail 3 times and laid on her side and began to die, I had my arms around her and she took a few breaths and died there in my arms. Some pee came out and was very dark and the vet said her liver had shut down, then some fluid came out of her nose and mouth, I just kept petting her and kissing her, I LOVED HER SO MUCH!!! Everything was a blurr, we left, I left my sweet baby lying there, I wish I had stayed longer, I wish I had brought her in sooner, I HAD NO IDEA she was SO ILL, she had been FINE. I can't function, I'm trying to keep it together but can't. I found out my one Fawn Lucy has late stage kidney failure about a month ago which really hit me too as she'd ALWAYS been the super healthy one. I've been IVing her every 2 days since then and have her on a special diet. I've been nursing her and thought if one of them would go it would be her, NOT SAMMIE!!! I love ALL my girls, but Sammie & I had something extra special. I'm 43 and didn't have children until I was 40, these 3 little girls WERE my first children!! i dressed them in all kinds of wonderful outfits, I belonged to a pug meet up group that met once a month for play dates, holiday parties, etc., they went everywhere with me! I put their pictures on the back of our cabin cruiser boat aptly named "Mother Pugger", they are my family and now we are missing one. I honestly don't know where to go from here, I'm having a very difficult time being a mother to my boys, at work, in the car, at the store, living, etc. I have so much guilt and what if's running through my brain!! I'm crazy going around looking for her hairs and putting them in a baggie, smelling her blankets. I will get her ashes back in a couple of weeks, also I was going nuts Monday missing her and I called my vet and told them to clip some of her fur & get me a paw print, I'm dying here people.....HELP!!!! I think she died from congestive heart failure from what I've read (i DID NOT do and autopsy) because it all fits it kills me to thing she was basically drowning from fluid in her lungs and couldn't get oxygen hence the gray tongue, if only I had acted sooner maybe they could have done something to save her!!
Heidi 
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Dalidog
I'm so sorry to hear about your Sammie.  Losing that forever pet is something we don't ever get over.  It sounds like you did all you could, but I understand that horrible guilt.  Your Sammie left you after you thought she was better.  She will send you signs, just look for them and recognize them.  I can understand the sadness, grief, but especially the shock of it.
My Dali was also 12 years old.  She had a respiratory infection and I took her to the vet.  He gave her a shot, 10 day prescription, and said she would be okay.  I took her home, gave her meds that night as instructed, slept with her.  The next morning she wouldn't eat, but that was not unusual.  I left to go to my sons house and she died within an hour later.  My husband said she coughed and he turned around and she was gone!  I have been inconsolable for the last 10 weeks (Sept 27).  Doctor had to put me on meds to help with panic, losing weight, and my constant sadness...but it is still there.  I have that same "what if I had taken her earlier"  what if, what if.....I will have that forever.
When you can, post some pictures of your beautiful Sammie and tell us stories about her.  It is good for you to do that, and good for us too.  I so look forward to the stories of all the animals at the bridge with my Dali.  I hate that you or anyone else has to experience this grief, but without it now, we would not have that unconditional love...and it will be waiting for us at the bridge.  Wouldn't change one minute of it to feel better today...just with there were many more years as I had expected.  Take care of yourself.  Hugs to you and Sammie

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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ahartofilis
I am truly sorry for you loosing youre girl Sammie. I saw this post at work and could not wait to get home to respond to you. I can relate to what you are feeling. I had to put my Labmix Coco to rest on Sunday,December 7th and I am a mess!! She had bone cancer and was in a lot of pain. She was 10 yrs. old. I expected to have a few more healthy years with her until she was diagnosed 3 weeks ago and my world was turned upside down. I tried to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for her to die but it all happened so fast. I don't think there is anything we can do to prepare for loosing our special pet. And Sammie was very special to you. Since Coco passed the true grief has set in and I don't even feel like I am in this world right now. I have had a lot of guilty feelings, also feelings of deep sorrow and sadness. Sometimes I do feel like I have really lost it. I CAN RELATE!!   Good friends and family have told me that this is normal and part of the grieving process. You were and are very close to youre pets and I think that it makes a big difference in the way we grieve. It is going to be very intense!! Like an open wound that needs a lot of time to heal. Nothing can make it better until it heals on its own. I find that even if I have to go through the motions to get things done, that its better for me to move and try to keep some semblance of a routine. Please accept my condolences, May God bless you and watch over youre Sammie. Sincerely, Andrea
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Leahbeahis
I'm so sorry to hear about Sammie. I know how hard it is to have to go through all the motions in life, being a parent and having to work. You have to autopilot a lot. I find that I have to grieve at night when the kiddo is sleeping, otherwise I do not get a thought to myself. Take it one day at a time. Don't rush the grief and don't try to resist the process. Write about your dear Sammie, we are here for you and we all understand.
~ Leah
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MotherPugger
Thank you all for your comments. I had to stop by my vet today on my way home from work to get special food and iv fluids for my other pug Lucy and I had a complete panic attack. I'm usually at my vet weekly getting supplies but had not been there since bringing in Sammie on Sat., when I walked in the door the smell hit me and I got very light headed, I thought I was going to faint. The lady working asked if I was alright and I just broke down sobbing! I still don't have Sammie's ashes back and for all I know she was in some deep freeze in their back room??? It was horrible! It's amazing how much we love them, huh. My husband is fairly supportive, but I had my 3 girls prior to us getting married so his connection isn't nearly as strong! My head is a mess, I gave the wrong pills to my dogs this morning, put my toddlers coat on my 3 year old, and forgot to tell my husband that tomorrow is our son's Christmas program at preschool (he was very upset as he didn't get work off). I'm hoping time will heal us all and am sure it will, however the void we have now is overwhelming! I put up 1 picture of her as my profile pic, and will definitely post more. I like to write poetry so maybe I will write her a poem. Not only are the holidays among us, but my oldest son turns 3 on Christmas Day so this time of year is especially busy for me, maybe that will help to keep my mind from rehashing the events of Sammie's death! I miss my baby, if only right........
Heidi 
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MotherPugger
Andrea and Dahi's mom, I also wanted to mention that I got a number for a Dr. For grief / pet loss from the ASPCA web site, I called it during work yesterday as I was having a bad episode, I spoke with the Dr. And she was amazing, she said I could call as much as I needed, it's free. Let me know if you'd like the number, it definitely helped me come back to reality and I was able to finish m y work day.
Heidi 
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Dalidog
Heidi...  I'm glad you got some comfort from the Dr. from the ASPCA website.  I have been going to the doctor and she gave me meds and she is wonderful to talk to.  She has pets so she is very supportive of me and I know how important that is.  It is good to have someone understand!  I'd love to have that number too, that you spoke of.  I am trying everything I can, but I know the only thing that would really make things better for me would be to have my Dali back.  I appreciate you.  Thanks and hugs to you and your baby

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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loft2111
Sorry to hear about your Sammie.  In my 38 years of life I have never experienced grief and heartache as I did the day my Little Man passed on 10/1, it was and will always be the worst day of my life.  The first few week after he passed I had anxiety and panic attacks, everything triggered them, smells, certain sights, certain thoughts.  What you are going through is normal, it's intense grief and with time your physical symptoms will get better but you will always be sad over your Sammie.  It has been 10 weeks for me and i still cry daily, not as intense and shattering as before, but I still cry, I'm still sad, I'm still lost.  Take care of yourself and these forums are a life saver, everyone here understands what you are going through and there is no judgment.
Little Man's mom.
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MotherPugger
The number for the Dr. from the ASPCA is 877-474-3310 her name is Dr. Stephanie Latharge (not sure I spelled that right).  She was very helpful and I'm sure I'll be calling her again.  Again, thanks everyone for talking with me, thank God for these outlets and social media sites to vent our feelings, I'm a little better today, I made it to work without a break down.  I have my son's Christmas program today so I'm trying to think of that to keep my mind busy.  Missing my sweet Sammie Lou (axa Sambo), my Smoochie, and praying I will one day see her beautiful little face and smell her breath and little smell again!!!  

Heidi
Heidi 
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Dalidog
Thanks Heidi..  I look for all the comfort I can.  I will call. 
My grief holds on to me, or I hold on to it..or probably both.  Can't see being happy without my Dali.  I take comfort that she is okay, but I cry inside because I can't hold her and tell her I love her.  Again, Thanks.

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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