patent123
Its been just over 3 months since I said goodbye to my best friend.  The first month was horrible, second month slightly better my mind was occupied with life, and now on month three I am back and forth. Lately I have been having LOTS of dreams with my dog in them.

The very first one I had shortly after she died.  I was searching everywhere for her I made the horrible mistake and gave her up.  Finally I found her in a dog house.  She was old and seemed different in a way.  The moment I found her I woke up.  

  The second dream - I was at my old roommates.  He had this great idea years ago to take me to a shelter on my birthday and pay an adoption fee for me as a gift.  Thats how I got my amazing girl.  I eventually lost contact with my roommate after a falling out.  I found out later in life that he killed himself.  Part of me always wondered if my girl would somehow cross paths with him on the other side.  After all he was an important key to us finding each other even if we did end on bad terms. In my dream she was living in his apartment as if he was caring for her now.  She seemed to have all her needs met but not exactly happy, something was just missing.  Once I saw my girl I woke up.  

The next dream I was begging for the chance to see my girl one last time.  We all want that one last hug with our special friend.  In my dream I got it and I remember I just buried my face into her warm neck like I always did in real life.  Our hug and kisses lasted a few seconds and then I woke up.  I haven't had a dream of my girl since then.

Last night while in bed watching a movie our new dog whose a big snuggler was under the covers next to me.  He started to kick me in the back  trying to get comfortable and I instantly remembered the last night I got to sleep with my girl.  We had just gotten back from the Emergency vet.  I was told it wasn't good but I opted to consult my vet I trusted in the morning.  I knew things were bad and deep down I knew my girl wouldn't come out of this.  So her being paralyzed I lifted her into bed and let her lay next to me.  The entire night she shook and shivered I think she was in pain and obviously confused by the sudden lack of mobility.  I was up all night with her trying to get her comfortable.  I remember she started kicking me in my side with her front feet that still worked trying desperately to get into the perfect spot. When I remembered our final night together like that I cried.  After that it was all down hill.  My girl lost even more feeling in her back, lost all control over going to the bathroom, and her life just went down the drain.  

I have this new puppy now and I'm starting to appreciate him and understand the type of attention he requires which is so different from my old girl.  I have had this new dog since he was 8 weeks old.  It makes me wonder a lot about what my girl was like at such a young age.  I wonder where she came from, who her first family was, why did they surrender her to a shelter. I have a lot of unanswered questions.  I'm also angry that such a sweet dog had to go through all of that before she found a home that loved her completely.  Since having all my dreams I have a lot of thoughts and questions that I will likely never have answers to.  Many strange things have happened.  I recently came across a dog in Alabama in a basset hound rescue.  She looks like my girl 100% I instantly fell in love with her.  She has a few major medical issues and her rescue was asking for donations.  I didn't have much to give after spending my last penny on vet fees but I sent $10 to this dog and I put a little note in honor of Fairchild(my girl) I received an email saying thank you for the donation and telling me how it would be used.  The lady ended her email in P.S. my maiden name is Fairchild.  It was a jaw dropping moment one that was to bizarre yet special.  I don't know if it was my girl sending me a hello or just one of this crazy things that happen.  All I know is it kind of made me feel better for a few moments.  

So as month 3 with out my best friend is approaching month 4 I find myself emotional yet again.  I'm angry I was robbed of more time with my special girl...specially since she really deserved it.  I'm sad that in this life you have to deal with death because its inevitable...and lastly I hope my girl is able to move on to a happy afterlife and be aware of that I haven't replaced or forgotten her but I think of her daily and miss her more then anything. 

Sorry I rambled on and on leading this topic in 10 different directions.... sometimes it just helps getting thoughts out.
Quote 0 0
loft2111
How amazing that you donated and the name was Fairchild, I go goose bumps reading this.  The signs they leave us are beautiful, even physically not with us they will try to communicate with us.  I know the rollercoaster of emotions all too well, I lost Little Man 10/1 and right now back to that first month again.  I am so sad, crying and just missing him terribly.  I too have anger, regrets and every other emotions I can think of.  Hang in there, it will get better and your baby will continue to send you signs, they are so comforting to have during such a painful time.
Little Man's mom
Quote 0 0
patent123
Thanks Loft2111- Your LM reminds me of a child hood dog.  I would visit my grandmas every summer as a child.  Her neighbors which lived across a huge field had this dog named Corky that resembled your boy.  He would always run over to our house and play with me and when he was ready he would let himself out of the house and run all the way back home.  That little guy taught me that pets aren't just animals we take care of...They have some smarts about them and are very aware of their surroundings and the people they befriend.  I hate the roller coaster of emotion.  I wish I could find a nice medium one that didnt reach such a low.  
Quote 0 0
Dalidog
Patent123...your baby was definitely giving you a sign.  I felt that feeling inside when you spoke of your baby coming to you in that last dream.  And then the kicks...well, that was your baby keeping in contact and letting you know she is okay.  There is no doubt...  they let us know in subtle ways.  Your post was very touching.  I loved reading it.  As more and more time goes by, we find ourselves with peaks and valleys.  The emotional roller coaster ride is taxing on us both physically and emotionally.  I'm happy your new puppy brings joy to you.  Your girl knows and is watching over you.  Hugs to you and your baby

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

Quote 0 0
ahartofilis
Patent123... Hello there to you! My name is Andrea and I am Cocos mom. I have read some of you're posts and also saw lovely pictures of Fairchild, such a beauty!!! I especially love the one with the baby, absolutely precious!! My sweet girl Coco was put to rest 2 weeks ago on a Sunday. I have had 2 dreams of her in one night. In the first one she was laying on my bed and I was petting her and she was happy. In the second one, which I had the same night, she was trying to get on the bed but could not as her bad leg, the one with bone cancer, was hurting too much. I woke up and cried a bucket of tears. I had these dreams the day after I put her to rest. Since then I have not had a dream of her. Sometimes I think that the dream was telling me that she was not really well enough to come to me yet. I don't know but I miss her terribly and I hope that she will come to me again.
 I can relate to so many of the feelings and emotions that you have posted about your sweet Fairchild. Lately I have been feeling guilty again because I should have done more to keep Coco alive. It just hits me so hard that when she left there is a finality about it that is devastating. Its not like I can say, Coco can you please come back because I need to see you again, even if its just for a short while!?  I am sorry for rambling, its just that I am still trying to come to terms with all of this. It is still a struggle to get through the days without her. I usually end up teary eyed and emotional at least a few times a day.
 When you made the Donation in Fairchilds name is was an act of giving and I sincerely feel that when we give from the heart and with the right intentions that it does not go unnoticed by our heavenly father. There was a reward in that for you as the receivers maiden name being Fairchild. A nod from above perhaps!! And a nod from you're sweet Fairchild.!! Thank-you for sharing you're experiences and listening!! I hope that Fairchild and Coco becoming great friends at the bridge!!  Sincerely, Andrea, Cocos Mom.


Quote 0 0
patent123
I do enjoy our new dog...I know as he becomes an adult he will be more enjoyable (puppies and their bad habits) But I still miss my old girl so bad...  Everything about our story was meant to be.  In high school I read this horrible book about a single lady who takes home this dud of a basset hound from a shelter and he ended up being the best dog in the world.  The dog on the cover resembled my girl.  That book  made me want a basset hound.  I came up with this elaborate story how I would magically find my little guy in a shelter and we would spend our days traveling the country in an old convertible.  I would even have to get him aviator goggles to protect him from the wind.(childhood dreams right) Well a couple years passed and I was ready to make that ridiculous story happen.  I searched online for a while but never found a basset hound.  Thats when my roommate stepped in and took me to this shelter.  I had just checked their website and didn't see any but I went anyway.  It was all little connections that led to my dream coming true.  I walked up to the shelter and saw my girl through the big window...and oh man she resembled that huge dud of a basset that was on the book cover. I fought all day to bring my girl home...the moment I saw her I just knew in my heart she was the right one for me.  (she didn't like me much at first she was really focused on one of the shelter workers) Our journey started in Chicago in 2008 and ended in Iowa this year.  We had some great memories together.  Like when I took her to meet Santa our first Christmas together, taking her sledding and her being bundled up like the little boy from A Christmas Story, making her home made doggie treats, buying her a life vest so we could enjoy the doggie dip at the public pool, and getting her a red wagon because sometimes she refused to walk long distances and in Chicago cabs wont always drive you to a vets office. 

I find it incredible that you can have an instant connect with an animal.  Have such a close bond that you can read each others thoughts almost.  I just wish we got more time with them.  Its hard when your life once revolved around someone and just like that they are gone.  I know you all understand that .    
Quote 0 0
patent123
Coco's Mom- Its a horrible feeling not being able to fix our animals when they develop any medical condition...specially the serious ones.  I understand the feeling of thinking you didn't do enough.  I felt this way a lot like I failed my girl.  I was given the option to have surgery done on her back but there was no guarantee it would fix her.  It was unlikely given all her back injuries she's had in the past.  Had I been more financially stable at that time I would have done the surgery in a heart beat. Thats my biggest regret not being able to try the surgery.  My vet did explain something to me though that made things a little more clear... When he first saw my dog he was in no way ready to give up on her so he gave me some affordable options to try.  When it became clear those options were not working I asked if continuing to try these things on her was cruel. He explained that in someways keeping my girl alive and unable to walk was cruel.  He asked when do we get to the point that enough is enough? Do we keep trying all these different approaches because we want more time with her because its hard to say goodbye or do we do the kindest thing and end her suffering.  He was right...her outlook wasn't good and it was 100% cruel for us to keep going.  I hated watching my girl waste away in her crate while we hoped for a miracle.   I believe given my options I made the best choice for my girl.  I'm sure you did the best choice for Coco as well.  Its hard because neither option is a happy one for us.  We may end their suffering but ours is just beginning.  

In the early days after my girl passed I hoped for some sign.  I'm sure with time Coco will send something your way.  A friendship that special doesn't just go away because one of us passed...in many ways they are always with us and if we look closely enough we might see something special.  Coco and Fairchild would make great friends.  FC loved all other animals specially ones she could chase a ball with or someone who enjoyed a good scent just as much as her.  I'm sure their bodies were restored to great health...their medical issues no longer holding them back. They can now run around together.
Quote 0 0