Im sitting here writing in total agony. Four weeks ago the thing I had been dreading since we celebrated his 9th birthday (thinking he was getting older) happened, he died. In the short span of four days I saw the love of my life go from happy and full of life to tired and eventually passed. The weeks leading up to his death had been filled with difficult situations unrelated to this, but I kept telling him, "as long as I have you, I can endure everything". His name was Gabriel, but he went under probably as much as twenty firm nicknames on top of his daily new nickname, usually made up of random syllables that seemed to fit him. He always new I was talking about him though, he was a rarely smart dog. In my life I have never known anyone like him, even as he drew what would be his last breath I could read his mood and his thoughts from his limited expressions. His last words to me was "I love you". As I lay next to him on the floor the night before, caressing his ear and the ridge of his nose, I told him " I love you, I want you to know that", he looked into my eyes and gave me a tiny little tail-wig, with the last strength he would ever muster. He died in my arms the following morning. For him it was quick, his heart stopped, he died momentarily, I could feel it. For me, it was traumatic, and I still have severe flashbacks, many suicide-attempts and a mild psychosis from the following event. 

I remember it vividly; I witnessed the whole process from my beloved soft and warm Gabriel to a wax-like shell that grew stiff to fast. The first feeling was utter panic; feeling his body tighten, seeing his eyes roll back in his head. Suddenly he was heavy and like gelo, and everything went in slowmotion. I could see myself trying CPR for dogs, suddenly being split into two different people, the rational and the emotional. The emotional new it was to late, the rational remembered that CPR can take time. the heartbeat was no more, the chest was empty, and the tongue turned blue/white and his mouth was cold as I tried to breath air into his lounges. I ran out of the house screaming in the streets in pure panic, I hit my mother when she told me to calm down in case the neighbors heard. I went back into the house one last time. He was laying on the bed, wrapped in a blanket, but it wasn't him. It was a wax figure, even his hair was different, fake like. I cried, apologized for hours, but the others said it was time to go. I picked him up, he was light, my logic mind wondered how it was possible at all to loose that much weight in such a short time. He was stiff, undependable, moist, and warm. Not warm like he used to, but like an electric hotplate that was turned of a while ago. I sang to him there in my lap the entire ride to the vet, 1.3 hours, the last thing i touched was his bushy little eyebrow and the tiny little curls on his head.

I will remember this day always. He was my soulmate in every sense, my child, my love, living without him is impossible. I see him everywhere, I hear him always, and I feel him near me every day. He taught me unconditional love and he deserves the same respect every human gets when they die. Life is life and love is love no matter the species, he taught me that... I will dedicate my life to animal rights, -respect, and -cancer research in his honor. The impact of the relationship is not affected by species. as many of you know, animals are just as different as people with their own likes/dislikes, quirks, and personalities. They need our protection and love (up close or from afar), essentially we are animals too and not better or more worth than them. 
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I am so sorry for your loss of Gabriel.  There are no words to describe this awful pain.  Gabriel was/is/will be your soulmate for life.  This incredible bond is like no other, dogs give without asking anything in return.  Their love for us is endless and unconditional.  Gabriel's love for your is endless, that what makes your loss so painful.
What a wonderful way of honoring Gabriel, bless you.  Again, I am sorry for your loss.
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Solmunde, I am so sorry for your loss of Gabriel. I love you mentioning nicknames- my Rookie had so many as well, some of which didn't really make sense, but he always knew I was referring to him, and happily responded/ came. Keeping you in my thoughts and sending you a hug!
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My heartfelt sympathy on the loss of your beloved Gabriel. 4 weeks is still a short time to accept such a terrible loss. Try and remember that Gabriel will always be a part of your heart no matter what. It may help you to do something in remembrance of him like memory box with his some of his things. Please write an update on how you are doing. Hugs to you!
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