ScruffysSoulmate
I can't stop crying. My beautiful baby Scruffy has been gone since March and the pain is just as prominent as it was when he passed.
I'm only 19 and I just feel so lost. I don't know what to do.

I had found Scruffy abandoned in the street years ago and saved his life. In return he saved mine everyday by loving me and never leaving my side.
I believe everyone has a soulmate and he is mine.
The love I have for him is indescribable. I was never able to find the right words to tell people how much he meant to me. I always thought I was crazy for having such intense feelings for him and that no one would ever understand. He was my therapy dog, my life, my world. Nothing in the world meant more to me than he does.

I almost didn't go away to college so I wouldn't have to leave him. Sometimes I wish I didn't go. The only reason I would go home was to be with him because I knew he needed me just as much as I needed him. I thought about him every night and saw him in everything I did. Every time I came home I would spend as much time as I could with him. When I came home for spring break I said that all I wanted to do was spend the week laying down with him. And for one FULL DAY all we did was lay down together. And it was that night later on when he passed away. Nothing in my life has ever hurt me so much before. I actually felt myself crumble. There is no way to describe to another person the heartache and emptiness I feel. I couldn't even deal with it all the emotions I was feeling because I had to jump right back into school after break. We had a beautiful ceremony at a place called forever remembered which helped a lot but they could only do so much.

I've been home for almost 3 months now for summer and I've been home at night for an equivalent of maybe 2 weeks. The nights I am home I'm not sober. If I come home drunk or high I don't have to deal with the emptiness. The rare times I'm sober in my bed I end up crying myself to sleep and waking up helpless.

I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing will ever fill the hole in my heart. My mom wants to get a new dog but I don't want a new dog. They aren't Scruffy. And my heart and soul longs for him. I don't want to tell my mom how I've been feeling because it would absolutely KILL her to know Ive been harboring these intense feelings of grief. I can't do that to her. I just don't know what to do. I miss him so much.
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William
Hi
I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone on this forum understands the depth of your pain.

You need to talk to your mom. It's ok to tell her you didn't talk about it because you weren't ready. Then take it from there. It's ok to say you thought you would be able to get through it alone but now you see its causing you more pain. As a mom, I would want to know how you are feeling. No one can take away the pain but having someone to listen to you talk is very therapeutic to healing.

You are self medicating your pain which could lead to bigger problems down the road. I don't want to sound like a therapist because I'm not. But, I see the trend you are setting up for yourself and that's not healthy.
Grief is a long process. If not done correctly it can come back at us down the road and cause more trouble.

Speak to your mom or your md. Reach out for help. Write in a journal, talk on this forum, go to the chat room. There's help out there for all of us to get through this together.

I'm so sorry for your pain and loss. If you were my daughter I would take you in my arms and cry with you💕💕

Please keep posting so we know how you are doing.
🌈🐾💕
Kim
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ScruffysSoulmate
Thank you for replying Needed to hear all of that. I know what I'm doing isn't smart but I know once I go back to school I will be distracted and won't need to do those things anymore. I am going to talk to my mom today. She saw that I had been crying all night and we said a few things but nothing serious. We are going to a shelter today to look at other pups but she said we don't have to get one if I'm not ready. I'm going to talk to her and more about how I'm feeling. I also spoke to one of my best friends and it felt so good to let it all out. Thank you again very much for the advice. 💕❤💕
William wrote:
Hi
I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone on this forum understands the depth of your pain.

You need to talk to your mom. It's ok to tell her you didn't talk about it because you weren't ready. Then take it from there. It's ok to say you thought you would be able to get through it alone but now you see its causing you more pain. As a mom, I would want to know how you are feeling. No one can take away the pain but having someone to listen to you talk is very therapeutic to healing.

You are self medicating your pain which could lead to bigger problems down the road. I don't want to sound like a therapist because I'm not. But, I see the trend you are setting up for yourself and that's not healthy.
Grief is a long process. If not done correctly it can come back at us down the road and cause more trouble.

Speak to your mom or your md. Reach out for help. Write in a journal, talk on this forum, go to the chat room. There's help out there for all of us to get through this together.

I'm so sorry for your pain and loss. If you were my daughter I would take you in my arms and cry with you💕💕

Please keep posting so we know how you are doing.
🌈🐾💕
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Eileennellie
I understand the desire to drink or do other things to help cope. That has always been my way, and I am currently pregnant so I can't even have a drink to try and help myself deal with the loss of my dog, Dobie. I never thought anyone would understand how much he meant to me, I spent over 8 years adjusting everything in my life to have him. I didn't leave my house for more than the hours between meal times. But it was worth it. I'm glad you are talking to people about this, it really is the best help. Talking about Scruffy is important, too. Remember the life you had together. It has helped me a lot to talk about Dobie and look at pictures. Rescuing another dog when you are ready is also a great idea. The more love you can give and receive, the better! I am sorry about your loss, but I hope you will feel better in time.
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ScruffysSoulmate
If feels good to know there are other people out there who have gone through the same thing and understand how hard it is. For the sake of your baby who will definitely take your mind off of the loss of Dobie I think it is good to not drink obviously and do fun baby planning things. Dobie is your baby and now you will have another baby of your own. You can tell him/her all about Dobie as they grow up and get them a dog of their own. I hope your pregnancy goes well. Thank you for all of that you're right talking helps a lot. I am sorry for your loss too but soon you will have a huge gain. Congratulations:)
Eileennellie wrote:
I understand the desire to drink or do other things to help cope. That has always been my way, and I am currently pregnant so I can't even have a drink to try and help myself deal with the loss of my dog, Dobie. I never thought anyone would understand how much he meant to me, I spent over 8 years adjusting everything in my life to have him. I didn't leave my house for more than the hours between meal times. But it was worth it. I'm glad you are talking to people about this, it really is the best help. Talking about Scruffy is important, too. Remember the life you had together. It has helped me a lot to talk about Dobie and look at pictures. Rescuing another dog when you are ready is also a great idea. The more love you can give and receive, the better! I am sorry about your loss, but I hope you will feel better in time.
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marykay0419
Hi I am also a scruffy mom I found scruffy at the side of the road abandoned and abused and have been raising him since he was 8 years old and I love him dearly. What I want to say to you is when I was a kid I got a puppy named whisper and she was my soulmate she went everywhere with me she taught me the meaning of Love which I had never understood before I had her for whole 12 years before she passed away from Cushing's disease. I know that whisper is Over the Rainbow Bridge and I know that I'll be reunited with her. I believe all of us will be reunited with our loved pets because God made them for us in the beginning and he's not going to let us go without their love. Your little scruffy is watching you and sending you all the love he can and he is sad because of the way you're handling your grief he's asking you to please continue talking to your mom talking to people on this forum and to give up trying to drown your grief. Allow yourself to get another little puppy and to love them dearly because you will I have since 1997 had two other wonderful puppies who loved me and I love them I now have scruffy and I hope I can keep him for a while he's gone from being a terribly abused puppy to being a loved dog and hang out jumps and plays and sleeps by me and although he has kidney disease and I won't be able to keep him for a long time I understand the loss of a pet that you love with all your heart and I know I will see him again when he goes to be with whisper. Please keep talking to your mom and keep talking to Scruffy because he hears you and he wants you to be happy and he is waiting for you when your time comes. And between now and then you will have others that you love as much maybe not quite as much as your very first love that you will love them nevertheless. I am a mom and I would hold you and hug you and wipe your tears away and tell you that it will be alright. You will always have a small little hole in your heart named Scruffy but you will also have many more holes in your heart that are filled with other puppies that will need you and love you with all their hearts so please don't give up it sounds like you're are turning around and going in a better Direction I will be thinking of you and checking your posts if there's anything that I can answer or anyway I can help you through this posting please let me know marykay
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