Nel71
I lost my 14 yr old yorkie today, she got hit by a car and died at the scene and I'm truly heartbroken...I have never felt pain like this and the feelings of guilt are tremendous. I know it hasn't even been 24 hrs yet but I can't ever see me getting over this.
Someone please help and tell me things get easier :(
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rlynn91
Hi im rhonda i lost my cat fiona early satu mornjng to cancer i dont know if it does get easier it hasnt for me she was 12
Rhonda robenolt

*Love you always fiona & Mrs kitty 
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Nel71
Hi Rhonda I'm so sorry for your loss, I feel your pain. I'm so truly heartbroken its unreal. I feel I myself am going to die from a broken heart. I'm not coping at all and can't bear being in this house alone without her lying beside me...the guilt I also feel is overwhelming and consuming me.
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Sweet_Sage123
Nel71 hang in there - at times you have to take it minute by minute just to survive- I lost my min pin 2 weeks tommorrow- she was my baby (I dont have kids of my own) so the first day - the first week - I thought I would die of a broken heart ! But I got her ashes a week after she passed and I began reading this forum and reading books about losing beloved pets and writing a journal - in that journal I can talk to my baby everyday - I have her ashes by my bed and she is near me everynight - doing all this I Promise it gets easier or at least the pain is less - I will always love and miss my girl ! Sending prayers to you ❤️
I too lost my sweet Sage on 12/7, she would have been 13 in February.  The guilt I feel is almost unbearable.   I have so many guilt questions, is she ok now?  Does she know how much I love her and I wasn't trying to hurt her? HOW am I going to live the rest of my life without her?  My heart hurts so bad its hard to breathe at times.
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NowBeckyToo
Nel71 and everyone here.
I hope the following will help you in dealing with this pain that is with you 24/7. It was posted by a friend of mine the first time I visited Rainbows Bridge, 5 years ago. Also from personal experience, I want to add, that Time is the healer. When you are ready, Time will begin to soften the edges of the pain that now, you cannot see past. I wish I had more than words, but in the end words of comfort and memories of those we have lost are all we have. No, it's not enough. Believe me I know. Wishing you peace of mind and healing of spirit when the time is right.

[QUOTEq=TootiesGuardian]I'm looking at a webpage right now from: http://www.recover-from-grief.com

I wanted to post the 7 Stages of Grief. 

7 STAGES OF GRIEF
Through the Process and Back to Life


           beautiful sunrise over a lake


The final stage model we have included is the "7 stages of grief".

Once again, it is important to interpret the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation. There is no neat progression from one stage to the next. In reality, there is much looping back, or stages can hit at the same time, or occur out of order. So why bother with stage models at all? Because they are a good general guide of what to expect.

For example, generally, a long period of "depression" (not clinical depression), isolation, and loneliness happen late in the grief process, months after the tragedy strikes. It actually is normal and expected for you to be very depressed and sad eight months later.

Outsiders do not understand this, and feel that it should be time for you to "get over it" and rejoin the land of the living. Just knowing that your desire to be alone with your sad reflections at this time is normal will help you deal with outside pressures. You are acting normally. They just don't "get it".

 

 
[MsSpacer]
[MsSpacer]
             Grief is hard!

       [meditating-bed2]

    Comfort your body and
   soothe your soul in our new
        COMFORT ZONE

[MsSpacer]
[MsSpacer]

 



Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief":
 

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief...

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

Becky's Momma Puppy
Regina

Becky aka Baboo
Always The
Queen of My Heart
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Lisac
NowBeckyToo wrote:
Nel71 and everyone here.
I hope the following will help you in dealing with this pain that is with you 24/7. It was posted by a friend of mine the first time I visited Rainbows Bridge, 5 years ago. Also from personal experience, I want to add, that Time is the healer. When you are ready, Time will begin to soften the edges of the pain that now, you cannot see past. I wish I had more than words, but in the end words of comfort and memories of those we have lost are all we have. No, it's not enough. Believe me I know. Wishing you peace of mind and healing of spirit when the time is right.

[QUOTEq=TootiesGuardian]I'm looking at a webpage right now from: http://www.recover-from-grief.com

I wanted to post the 7 Stages of Grief. 

7 STAGES OF GRIEF
Through the Process and Back to Life


           beautiful sunrise over a lake


The final stage model we have included is the "7 stages of grief".

Once again, it is important to interpret the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation. There is no neat progression from one stage to the next. In reality, there is much looping back, or stages can hit at the same time, or occur out of order. So why bother with stage models at all? Because they are a good general guide of what to expect.

For example, generally, a long period of "depression" (not clinical depression), isolation, and loneliness happen late in the grief process, months after the tragedy strikes. It actually is normal and expected for you to be very depressed and sad eight months later.

Outsiders do not understand this, and feel that it should be time for you to "get over it" and rejoin the land of the living. Just knowing that your desire to be alone with your sad reflections at this time is normal will help you deal with outside pressures. You are acting normally. They just don't "get it".

 

 
[MsSpacer]
[MsSpacer]
             Grief is hard!

       [meditating-bed2]

    Comfort your body and
   soothe your soul in our new
        COMFORT ZONE

[MsSpacer]
[MsSpacer]

 



Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief":
 

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief...

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

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robertian1959
Hi Nel71 , i wish i could say it will be alright in a couple of days , but the truth is i don't know myself . I had to put down my beloved Gemma last monday at 10:44, i know the exact time as when the vet told she was gone i saw a clock .

She meant more to me than anything, we were together for just more than 15 years . My whole life was around her , i didn't do anything without thinking of Gemma. She had me as her bed partner except for 57 days that i was on holiday.I tried sleeping in bed for the first time last night but couldn't get to sleep as my body knew she wasn't there. I got rid of all her toys and possessions but still come across something of hers and breakdown in tears. 

Since i got her casket with her ashes back the last thing i do at night and first thing in the morning is kiss it and greet her. I hope you get over it quicker than me as i feel it will be a while yet for me to come to terms with my loss and this time of year seems worse as everyone else is planning a xmas and us pet loser's can't even fathom a xmas cheer
Gemma's Daddy
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camunki
Hi Nel..........sooo sorry for the loss of your yorkie, and that you had to witness this tragic scene............and thanks NowBecky for posting the grieving stages.....that does help.

and yes Nel, in alot of time, many, many months, sometimes years it will take to feel better, this is too new, too raw, too recent to
feel any otherway than just plain sad, upset, guilty etc........

I lost my baby 2 weeks 4 days ago, I cry everyday, i miss her everyday, i have her ashes, and i do post in a journal each and
everyday, it helps, when i walk my other dog, i talk to my beloved pet & let her know i love her.

Please know you are not alone..........

Cam

Cam


 
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Nel71
Thanks so much for your replies and I'm so sorry for your losses also :(. I can't bear this pain throughout my body and the guilt is consuming me because I know I could have prevented this.
This is too hard:(
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camunki
Nel, don't let guilt get the best of you.

I cannot tell you how many times i went the the could haves and should haves with my pets....I wish i could have done something
different to have them in my lives..............yet, that will not change a thing.....don't let the guilt get the best of you,.

Your yorkie had 14 years of an amazing life, filled with love from you.......you have to remember that..........and don't let
the burden of guilt fill your mind.

Wishing you strength during this difficult time.

Cam

Cam


 
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sbsad
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my 15-year-old dog 2.5 weeks ago, and it was one of the hardest and most awful experiences I've ever had.

Everyone has their own timetable for grief and it takes some longer than others to recover, but I do think everyone recovers with time. I'll also say that it seems that for a lot of people, the two-week mark makes a big difference. I still cried every day at two weeks, but I no longer felt that extraordinarily painful heartbreak that I felt at the beginning, and I was able to enjoy activities when I was distracted. You may not follow that timetable, but I wanted to give you some hope that you might, despite how horrible you feel now. I really had never ever felt grief like I felt that first week, I honestly thought that I might never recover. But now, 2.5 weeks later, I feel confident that I will. Hang in there, I don't think there is much to do for now besides cry and wait.
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LinLee1947
I know exactly how you feel as my 6 yr old boxer and sole companion got hit by a car in October.    For a distraction I visited my daughter in another state in the US and the holidays are coming.  I used to sob (and I DO mean SOB) 3-4 times a day.  Now not as much.  I have read where you have to grieve, not try and block it out.  Also to cry, stamp your feet and do whatever to "let it all out".   I am also suffering from guilt because I let him out but realize since I have no sidewalk, if I was walking him it could have been the same.  I still hold fast that he was not in the road but along side.  I will never really know and that haunts me.  

One thing I did was buy a balloon and write him a letter and attach it and let it go.  I told him I love him.   It helped somewhat.

We will all heal together here.  We have to.

(Course when I returned home from my visit I went into another crying jag but maybe bottled up as I didn't cry when visiting)
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Nel71
Hi LinLee, I'm so sorry for your loss also.
I too sob everyday, today I was doing well then when I was back in my own house it hit me, going into my bedroom especially as she was always lying on my bed waiting on me. I can't stop crying tonight. I can't get my head around it at all. The worst part is wondering if she suffered in pain alone. She got hit by a car in the early hours but wasn't picked up by the police/council until 10 the following morning and that is killing me.
The council officer told me when he picked her up she was cold and stiff which meant she was dead a while and that brings a little comfort but I'm still dying inside wondering if she suffered. I just need to pray that with her being old and small her heart would have packed in instantly and I'm trying to convince myself of this.
I get her ashes back in an urn soon so hopefully this will help too.
I love and miss her dearly.
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