My dog, Coco had to be put to sleep on 6/11 and I’m still reeling from this devastating loss.
My husband and I had him for over 17 years and so he had been with us through thick and thin. Coco was mischievous, loving, sweet, funny, curious, loyal, goofy, thoughtful, I can literally go on and on. Basically he was everything great and perfect. He did bark a lot and that could be annoying at times but I would give anything to hear that ear screeching bark all over again.
Coco had been dealing with renal disease for years and was put on multiple meds and a renal diet which we cheated for him at times.
Coco sustained multiple strokes last year and was put on Plavix. He seemed to have recovered nicely until his vet asked us to remove his Plavix for fear of bleeding. Within a week, my poor Coco had multiple strokes and things went downhill from there. This vet has been great for Coco for many years and I’m sure she made the best choice she believed at the time. I should have gone with my gut. I hate going through the regrets and what ifs. But ultimately Coco was already in his late stage of renal failure and so, his time was up no matter what intervention. His appetite was poor, he started to urinate less despite his “normal” hourly pee, his hind leg became weak where he could barely walk or stand and the most gut wrenching was to see him staring into nothing, be it the wall or the wrong side of the door. I feared the end was coming but nothing could have prepared me for the worst feeling of loss.
I don’t have any family other than my husband. I grew up in a very abusive dysfunctional family so love was not really a verb. This dog and our last one, Lilo was the most unconditional love I’ve ever experienced in my life. Even at my worst with anxiety and panic episodes, these two, especially Coco was able to somehow snap me out of it quicker than any meds or human or event.
I owe so much gratitude for these two creatures .
Coco was there for me when we lost our last dog, Lilo. He made it bearable and eventually ok. But his lost is killing me. I find that I’ve been thinking about death more often as a way to see him. I wouldn’t do it for several reasons, one being my husband. But my mind often runs the possibility of being with my dog if I just died. Sorry if it sounds morbid but this is the most joy and love I’ve ever experienced and I can’t imagine life without Coco. I’ve been to the shelter the same day Coco passed. I have severe asthma so I would have to rescue another “hypoallergenic “ dog like him, a Maltese. It was a full time job taking care of two senior dogs with multiple health issues, but what an honor it was. I need to get back to working again so I’m not sure when the right time is to adopt again. I’ve always thought that after these two passed, I would rescue senior dogs since they are the least wanted. I’ve decided that perhaps I will adopt an older dog with a younger one. My husband is having an even worst time if you can even imagine possible. So, I’m trying to be strong for him while trying to pick myself up. I was alone when Coco was put to sleep, it was traumatic, I took his body for cremation and picked up his urn all alone. My husband is reeling from severe depression so this lost has only compounded the impact of his depression.
I have a physical reaction when I think of my dogs lost. It’s unbearable and the pain is unrelenting at times. I know it gets easier but I don’t see how. Coco saturated every part of our existence. He was my reason why I had gotten over my phobia of birds and cats. But of course he has done more than that. I love this dog, my buddy so much and miss him. I’m so glad that there is a forum like this that exist for people like me. Makes me feel less of a weirdo obsessed withdogs, especially mine. I’ve had people tell me “it’s only a dog” or “animals don’t go to heaven”. Obviously, I think it’s bs. So I just keep these emotions hidden inside and hope that time will eventually heal.
Thanks for reading every one. Sorry it’s so long but I’ve got no one to share.
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Sorry for your loss. RIP Coco.

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I am really sorry about your loss. It is taking a toll on you and your husband. I think you just have to look at the bright side; he was with you for over 17 years. It is a long life for a dog. I myself lost my cat few days ago, and he wasn't even 14. I wish he lived longer. Just remember that everything that you have in life will only accompany part of your journey on earth. This journey could be long or short, but at the end, you'll always have to say goodbye to each other. Stay strong! Beautiful memories will last forever. For me, coming to this forum and share my pain with other people have been very helpful. It sure won't change the fact that your fur baby is gone, but at least you know that a lot of people are going through the same thing, and that you are not alone. 

If you find it unbearable, you might need to talk to a therapist.

Take care
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This choked me up.  We never ever want to see our beloved animals hurting and/or miserable or anything but happy.  I'm so sorry that you had to go through this, Yellowmello, and I hope that this group of wonderful folks helps to ease your pain ever so slightly.
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I am sorry for your loss of your beloved dog. It is so difficult to lose a pet, especially one who has been in your life for 17 years. That is a lot of years of bonding experiences and memories to mourn. Anyone who says it's "just a dog" has never allowed a loving relationship with an animal into their lives and are missing out. A pet's love is so innocent and pure. They exist for very important reasons and help lift us up.

I think it is natural to think about death when we experience the death of a person or a pet that was close to us. We need to be careful that our thoughts don't turn to plans and action towards our own deaths, in which case, we would need to seek professional help.

I believe dogs go to heaven, in fact, I have never doubted it. Where do others think they go, if not to heaven? They are such loving and innocent creatures who want to be loved in return.

You will know when it is the right time to get a new dog or two. It is so painful to lose them and our lives are so empty without them, we need new ones to love and be with us. My 4-year-old kitty suddenly became so sick with a fatal illness last December that I had to let her go. It was terribly painful and sad for me, I thought I would have many years with her. She was such a sweetie. I have since found a new sweet young shelter kitty to bring home and start loving, even though I still feel pain from my loss. She is adorable and my love for her has grown fast and she is such a joy to have!

Hugs 🤗 to you!
Furry Love Is Forever
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