Melissad75 Show full post »
Melissad75
I am so sorry for the loss of Bebo and all that you are going through. I feel the same like I was depressed already but my dog is what helped me get through. It’s hard to be so upset when I had him. He was the only one who loved me unconditionally and didn’t judge me. It didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do he just loved me. I’ve too felt like I’ve had bad luck and feel like bad things just keep happening. Then I think I have a beautiful daughter and a husband who loves me and I have a roof over my head. But it’s still really hard. I’ll be happy for a few mins then I just think my dog is gone. The week ive questioned all the decisions I’ve made and if I just did this or had more money maybe my dog would still be here. It’s hard not to beat yourself up. You did the best you could for your cat and he loved you no matter what choices you made. Thats the great thing about animals , the love they have for us is so pure and true. This forum has been a great help and you’ve come to the right place. Everyone here gets it. This is the only place I can say these things. If I said them to my family they would think I’m crazy. Talking with others here and hearing their stories has helped.
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JennyTeddy
Melissad75 wrote:
I’ve been devasted since I lost my dog Scottie yesterday Today seems even worse then the day I had to put him to sleep. I have had to put two of my other dogs down so I’m not knew to this experience but this is on a whole new level. Scottie was the only dog I had left and we shared a bond that I’ve never felt before. I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach. I feel like I want to throw up and sometimes the pain is so intense I feel like I can’t catch my breath. One min I will feel it’s ok I did the right thing and I’ll get through this then next min I’m sobbing and I just feel like I’ll never be happy again. Even looking at the sidewalk were we walked everyday brings me to tears. I can’t believe I’ll never walk with him again. ( that was his favorite thing to do besides eat and cuddle with me) I see other people walking their dogs and I can’t help thinking why can’t that be me. I just want my baby back. I know that can never happen and it is killing me. I can’t eat and barely slept last night. I kept waking up and it’d hit me over and over again that he is gone. I really hope he is in a better place but I just need him with me. I’m sorry if I’m rambling and maybe this makes no sense. I’m going for my first walk without him and it’s Prb going to make me feel worse that there’s no leash in my hand but I need to something besides sitting bed and crying.


Melissad,

Don’t ever worry about rambling, I remember apologizing for rambling telling my story and feelings. No one sees it as rambling, no one judges you or looks down upon you. We all genuinely truly understand the pain you’re enduring. Losing our babies is the most painful experience That I can’t even put words into to describe. You’re not the only one who feels this way. Many people here including myself feel devastated. I don’t even feel there is a word to really describe the pain we go through losing our babies. So you’re not alone.

I can totally relate when you say
“I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach. I feel like I want to throw up and sometimes the pain is so intense I feel like I can’t catch my breath.”
I have felt the same way. I never knew you could physically feel your heart break, I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t think, feeling like someone grabbed your heart and ripped it out of your chest and the punch in the stomach feeling, the pain I physically, emotional, mentally feel losing Teddy is down right painful. I wouldn’t eat anything I wouldn’t even drink water, I have never done that. My appetite is still very poor. My sleep is even worse. I can’t sleep at night. For almost 11 years Teddy slept next to me, sharing my bed, falling asleep with him, waking up to him, I can’t sleep and It’s so bad for my health. I try but I can’t.

I also relate to when you say
“One minute I feel ok I did the right thing, l’ll get through this, then next min I’m sobbing and I just feel like I’ll never be happy again. Even looking at the sidewalk were we walked everyday brings me to tears. I can’t believe I’ll never walk with him again.”

I feel the same way I feel like I’ll never be happy again, there are little tiny tiny moments where I’ll feel I’ll get through this and then the next minute I’m breaking down crying hysterically as if it was the first day he has been gone. And that’s where I feel I’ll never be happy again. I try and try and try but it’s so hard. Everything reminds me of Teddy. He went EVERYWHERE with me. Everywhere. The entire town I live because reminds me of him & the house, my car, stores, restaurants, camping, hiking, Rivers, any outdoor trail and spot, diesel trucks (he loved that sound.) fricken every song on the radio. Literally everything reminds me of him. People have told me “get out go for a walk, do something.” Well one I did everything and went everywhere with Teddy so doing things by myself without him really amplifies that 1. He’s really gone and 2. Im really Alone. And secondly I don’t have friends or anyone to hangout with. Anyone I go do something I start balling my eyes out. Knowing I’ll never wake up to his sweet face again, cuddle him, kiss him, hold him, put him in his backpack, feed him, care for him, bathe him, buy/make his favorite food, see him in his cute sweater & pajamas that he looked so adorable in, brush his soft hair, looking into those sweet chocolate chip eyes and see that cute little button nose, see those big ears, see him run through the grass again, never have him come with me anywhere again is gut wrenching heart wrenching god there isn’t a word to describe the pain I feel and my heart truly deeply aches for you 💔 I know you’re enduring the same heart ache of losing your sweet baby. 💔 you’re in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you big warm hugs and comfort.

Continue writing about your baby, sharing stories, memories, sharing your feelings, emotions, thoughts, the grief you’re enduring, let it all out. Post pictures sharing a memory along with that picture when it was taken or just a memory in general. Even if you have to re-tell the last day of your baby over and over and over again, don’t ever feel bad, that’s how we process grief. Everyone grieves differently, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no time frame of what is too long. Be gentle with yourself and know you have us here on this forum for support, understanding, compassion and comfort.

Hugs 💛

If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

  
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Shark88
Melissad75 wrote:
I’ve been devasted since I lost my dog Scottie yesterday Today seems even worse then the day I had to put him to sleep. I have had to put two of my other dogs down so I’m not knew to this experience but this is on a whole new level. Scottie was the only dog I had left and we shared a bond that I’ve never felt before. I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach. I feel like I want to throw up and sometimes the pain is so intense I feel like I can’t catch my breath. One min I will feel it’s ok I did the right thing and I’ll get through this then next min I’m sobbing and I just feel like I’ll never be happy again. Even looking at the sidewalk were we walked everyday brings me to tears. I can’t believe I’ll never walk with him again. ( that was his favorite thing to do besides eat and cuddle with me) I see other people walking their dogs and I can’t help thinking why can’t that be me. I just want my baby back. I know that can never happen and it is killing me. I can’t eat and barely slept last night. I kept waking up and it’d hit me over and over again that he is gone. I really hope he is in a better place but I just need him with me. I’m sorry if I’m rambling and maybe this makes no sense. I’m going for my first walk without him and it’s Prb going to make me feel worse that there’s no leash in my hand but I need to something besides sitting bed and crying.


So sorry for the loss of your Scottie.    Nothing like losing a pet that you are so close to.   Been there, done that and it is one of the most terrible experiences to have to go through.   It will take a long time to heal, but at the same time, you will always miss your Scottie.   Put your faith in God for God does care about animals and birds.  (Consider Noah's Ark).  God not only created them, he also knows when the least of them passes.   Be encouraged by God's Word today.  Scottie has simply passed to the other side of life to The Almighty's heavenly animal kingdom.   Follow the Lord and trust God for your healing over losing your very best friend and companion in this world.   The Almighty cares about Scottie and he also cares for you! 
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Melissad75
Thank you shark88 for your kind words. They are comforting at this time. I miss my friend so much but I know he’s in a better place and he’s with his doggie friends that passed before him.
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