I have written here a few times, and frequently read the posts and it always comforts me, and breaks me to read.  I say this, as I to understand the heartbreak everyone is feeling.  I have a lot of dogs, well, at least to the normal person!  I had 4 dogs (now 3) and I frequently have foster dogs, you see, I am an advocate and operations manager for a local rescue. I see hideous things done to animals at the hands of humans and it is always sad but losing Snoopy my first dog on my own has been earth shattering.  I apologize in advance for the length of this post.

Snoopy came to me 5ish years ago from a cruelty case, he was at the time, a 12lbs schoodle.  Snoopy presented with a tick and flea infestation where he had scratched most of the hair off his body.  Snoopys symptoms were so severe they considered true adaptability as they were not certain what was fully going on.  Snoopy was in poor condition, but he was such a sweet and resilient guy.  We got his hair to come in, got him on allergy meds, and spent the next few years pampering him.  As a dedicated dog mom of many, he was my favorite, my loyal companion, I was his person.  Snoopy was the dog that would follow me around the house, that would be the first to greet me, and would plop on me the moment I sat down.  Snoopy was a senior in his own right when I rescued him - they assumed he was 7-9?  Two years ago his age started to catch up with him..  He stopped eating due to dental issues (the poor bugger hated vets and was never a good patient)...  After a botched dental (the vet thought initially it was a brain tumor) we had all his teeth removed, his allergies were always intense, frequent bile vomiting that ultrasounds and blood-work could never figure out..  Lost hearing that appeared stroke like..  Then a few days before Easter his normal bile throw up got worse, he started to throw up his food or refuse to eat (even threw up with cerenia)...  An emergency early morning visit to the ER landed him with another cerenia shot and sent home..   That afternoon after eating and not being able to throwup he took a turn for the worse..  He laid on my couch trembling, full body trembles, his normal spunky self didn't enable him to snap at my husband as he usually would when he got too close (just let out a little grunt).. When I took him outside he wouldn't move, his eyes looked sad, and his body was doing everything it could just to stand, when he tried to move his nails just scraped the concrete.  I brought him back in the house and the same thing he just trembled and couldn't move.  I collectively tried to think of everything that had been happening over the last year - mouth infections, massive ear issues caused hearing loss, throwing up food and bile non stop, he started peeing/pooping in the house, he slept all day everyday, no longer wanted to go for walks etc..  I brought him back to the vet, he never lifted his head up on our way back. 

Snoopy despised the vet.  Even though he had no teeth, weighed 24lbs, and had a muzzle he still frightened them.  However, this Easter there was no muzzle needed, he was angry at her for pushing on his belly but had no strength to snap at her.  I chose to let Snoopy peacefully go. I asked the vet if I was making the right choice - knowing this was not his normal vet.  She told me looking at his history from the many times he had been there that she thought it was the humane thing to do, she said she would never euthanize a dog if she didn't think it was the right thing to do.  She thought I was putting him first and saving him from more pain.  I got to hold him, love him, and kiss him while watching him cross rainbow bridge.

I have immense guilt from this decision.  I had 2 dogs in that hospital at that time, Snoopy and my younger rescue for severe gastro issues.  My head was spinning with worry, my checkbook was cringing in fear.  I go over in my head daily did I do the right thing?  Should I have done more diagnostics?  If I did, would he still be here?  I hope money did not hold me back?  I have never been a fan of this hospital - should I have waited until my vet could see him?

My husband, my family, my friends have all said I made the right choice, my heart is at an impasse.

Have you experienced this? How have you managed to move past it?

Thank you <3
Quote 0 0

Well your post has had me in tears as well as laughter regarding your Snoopy hating the vets and snapping at them.I guess they tremble with fear like us when we have a dentist appointment.Firstly can I say thank you for rescuing all them mistreated dogs as the world would be a poorer place if not for the kind souls such as yourself.I truly despise animal abusers.Reading your post brought back the same guilty feelings as I have had and still have two months on but although I would have been prepared to go bankrupt to save my boy and hell I practically had hold of the vet begging her to do anything to save him I knew deep down I was refusing to accept the inevitable then she looked at me and said it’s time to let him go and I just wish the last sixty days were a dream or a nightmare whichever way you look at it.You’ve nothing to be guilty about so don’t beat yourself up and life is full of if’s,buts and why’s but your family and friends are correct when they say you made the right choice like mine keep telling me but it hasn’t made me feel any better.Your boy is now at peace with no pain and suffering and he’d probably thank you for that as even none of us humans would want to linger on at the end of our lives.Sending you prayers🙏🏻

Love Runningman

Quote 0 0