I never played favorites with any of my 4 dogs, I love each of them for their own special quirks and personalities. When we had to make the difficult decision in October to put my special Haley girl to sleep,after discovering she had osteosarcoma, I thought I'd never get over it. And I haven't, I have however learned to live with this new "normal". One thing that kept me going was that we still had Mackenzie, they were inseparable. And so I felt like a little bit of Haley was still here. Then last Tuesday, Mackenzie passed quickly and unexpectedly. Now I truly understand what it is to lose my mind. I am having trouble with everything. Not sleeping, can't concentrate. I'm a mess. All I can think of is her. I don't like to be home because she's not here, and I don't like coming home and her not being here. I miss her snores, and sighs, everything. When Haley's ashes came home I felt complete. Mackenzie's ashes are home and I don't feel that way.
I've heard others talk about their " once in a lifetime " dog, but again, I thought I loved all my guys equally. My point is, Mackenzie WAS my once in a lifetime girl. I feel like I am being disloyal to Haley's memory feeling this way. And disloyal to the two pups I still have living with me, who need me and I can't seem to get it together for them.
Has anyone else experienced this? Am I out of my mind??
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Absolutely NOT are you out of your mind.  Unless all of us here are there with you.  We are all feeling just as you do now, trust me on this.  It has been 12 weeks for me now and just yesterday when I was alone I was literally screaming to the universe that "I want my baby back".  I sobbed so hard that I had to take some medication and go to bed.

There are no adequate words for the loss you feel really.  Just know that you are definitely NOT alone.  This site wouldn't exist if we all didn't need a place where someone truly empathizes with how we feel.  If you haven't been there, you just can't understand.

I am sure most of us anyway have had other pets during out lives that yes we did LOVE a LOT, but sometimes this one comes along and there is just no explaining how they get to us more than the other ones have.  Doesn't mean you didn't love all the others.

I hope this helps you some to know there is nothing wrong with you.  Only that you know how to love.  I am sending you lots of hugs and hoping our babies are having fun together.
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I agree with Janice - if you are out of your mind then you have all of us right there with you.  you are not being disloyal to haley for your grief over the loss of Mackenzie and please relieve yourself of that one burden of guilt.  sometimes when we have multiple pets in the home we truly believe that we love each equally but I recall with my rotties bear and chances and then chances' son and I lost chances at 6 to osteosarcoma I realized she truly had been "my girl".  also I think if a pet passes when it is not expected and seems out of the blue that we fall into a deeper grief because crikey we weren't prepared for anything like that to happen.  when I recently lost my service dog roxie out of the blue, driving her to the emergency vet I never once thought i'd be leaving there without her still alive to get better and come home to me.  it was such a shock to my system that I went into shock and it was hard for me to process that yesterday (Christmas day) she was fine so how could I now have to live without her.  the first four weeks after her passing are a blur which my mind doesn't really recall.  having my daughter's pet pomapoo still at home I knew I had to make sure she stayed healthy so tae and I started new daily routines.  she lays next to me so I can keep a hand on her which keeps me calm (roxie used to alert me when she sensed calm leaving me by barking once).  I also knew I had to help tae try to get through her grief since roxie was her pal and she could not understand why the two of us went out the front door but only I came back.  your two pups might also be missing their friend Mackenzie as much as you are.  we are all here for you and we all understand the intense pain you feel.  like Janice, I have days where I scream "roxie I want you back, please come home to me".  but then I realize that only God knows when our last earthly day will be and that is for all His creations.  I know my roxie is in a wonderful place, young healthy and whole again (she says she even has her tail now - as a purebred aussie, she lived her earthen life without a tail, so she's really proud of that tail now) and I know I will see her again on that last day of mine when my name is called to return home.  many many hugs to you!
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I know how you feel, you are not alone in this.  Chico was my one and only special pet.  I also feel disloyal to my remaining dog and 2 cats because I cannot feel the same without Chico.  I really feel guilty too and am hoping in time I can feel more for the others.   Maybe once the grief subsides they can begin to fill more of the void in my heart.  In the mean time, we have to keep going and be Mommies to them too:)  Hugs and kisses:)
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I feel the same way. I lost my Deacon on Thursday so unexpectedly and I blame myself. I cant even give my surviving dog the love he needs because im a mess. I cant stop crying ans replaying the situation over in my head what if I wouldve done something different. I feel so guilty. I feel lost without him.
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I lost my beagle luckydog 10-01-2015, i know how you feel. Everyone has a favorite even though sometimes we don't want to admit to it..............I know exactly how you feel not sleeping not eating not wanting to do anything but it does get better. We learn to live with the pain, but it never goes away.
Luckydogs daddy
david gasapri
David R. Gaspari
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