Daniels66
It's been 4 days since i had to my old boy down. He was 17 years old and i honestly thought he would make it to 18. His hips had started to go on him a little while back and had stopped being able to jump in and out of my truck. He still figured out how to lift 2 paws up to help me pick him up into the truck. A couple weeks ago, i woke up to him not being able to move on my deck. Devestated, i thought it's his time and with the help my brother in law we got him to the vet to euthanize so he wouldn't suffer. The vet decided to do some xrays and thought it might just be a sligt herniated disc and some arthritis and gave me some meds. By the next day he was up again and happy. He even picked up his toy and shook it around a bit. Everyday he came to work with me and whenever he was there he would perk up and follow people around waiting for food. When we got home, he mostly slept. It was starting to get harder for him to initially pick himself up and i would have to help him stand and then he could walk and come beg for our food. One day he started to smell and we decided to bath him but he still smelled after. It wasn't til the next day that we realized it was coming from his mouth as the one side had swelled up from pretty big. We decided that day that we would put him down the next day. The next day, i woke up and now he was bleeding from his mouth a bit , so I cleaned him up and picked him up and took him to the dog park for one last walk, then we went to the office for one last visit then we grabbed an egg mcmuffin and ice cream cone which he happily devoured. The vet came to our house and I sat on the floor beside him petting his head as she injected him. He didn't even make it to the end of the injection before he went.

I am devestated. I spent nearly 24/7 with him and even though i know deep down it was his time. Im also feeling like i could have done something more to help him recover. I haven't been able to leave my room without panic attacks and the thought of getting in my truck and going to work without him is killing me. I don't know how to move on without him.
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Jan_H
I am very sorry for your loss of your sweet boy. It is normal to feel like we could have and should have done more. But clearly he had a long and wonderful life with you. And you made his last day a good one with a walk at the dog park, an egg mcmuffin and an ice cream cone. And then you ended his suffering even though it has made you suffer and feel devastated.

There are many understanding and compassionate people here. It can help to share feelings, stories and pictures here, when and if you are ready.

My condolences,
Jan
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FClaire
So sorry for your loss, I lost my beautiful boy three and a half weeks ago so I feel your pain. I felt like you are feeling now, and thinking we should have done more. But I do realise now we tried our best and gave him a chance, but when the time came he just looked at us to say enough is enough. He just put his head down and the vet then put him to sleep (crying now) it was very peaceful. It sounds like you did try your best and it was probably his time. I have learnt from this that we all second guess ourselves, it's all part of the grieving process. I would take some comfort that you where with him at the end and he wasn't alone. And lovely that he was in his own surroundings not in a cold hospital like some. Including my ollie. I always wanted him to die in his own home, but sadly that wasn't to be.
Everything you are feeling now is normal, I'm feeling exactly the same. Struggling so much without him. And just want him back. I do realise now that's not going to happen. And the thought of moving forward without him crusifies me. My heart like yours is truly broken. But we have to get through it and believe we will in time. Just take it slowly, one day at a time. Keep coming on here, I'm glad I found it. Everyone understands and are always willing to listen and help anyway they can. Xxx
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anang
Daniels66,

Thank you for posting here. Your words are so poignant, I cried while I read them. You gave your boy the biggest gift by taking him to the dog park and going to McDonald's to get him treats. I think it's telling (in a good way) that he passed away before the actual injection. 17 years old is very long for a dog, and that is due to the love that you gave him. I know that doesn't make things any better right now, but perhaps in the long run you can give yourself kudos for giving your wonderful baby an amazing life. 
Please hold your baby dear to your heart, while also taking care of yourself. Write lists of your special times together, have a special ornament or object that specifically belongs to you and your baby, go for a long drive, allow yourself to cry, do things to take care of yourself. You will receive a lot of support here!
I lost my 19 and a half baby girl Anna Ng about a month ago. She was amazing. I know I've posted about her over and over (which I think is another integral step in healing) but she was just incredible. She was the bees knees. I planned to have her put to sleep at my home, since she had been breathing but unresponsive for several hours. She died naturally about 2-3 hours (time seemed suspended) prior to the vet coming to my house. The vet still came and offered me peace. 

Warm regards,
Katie

Warm regards,
Katie
K. Unger
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Daniels66
I am very sorry to hear about your loss. Knowing that you post so regularly makes me feel much better in knowing i am not alone in how hard i am grieving. Thank you so much for your words.
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Daniels66
Thank you Jan. As i have moved into my 5th day, i am finding more comfort in knowing i did the best thing.
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Daniels66
Thank you FClaire. I am very sorry for your loss as well. The thought of moving forward is truly hard, especially when you're so stuck in a daily routine. I have 4 other dogs so i know i have too get back to life and eventually let the next one go. Everyones stories are so comforting. Thank you!
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