kkflynn75
I lost my precious "gentle giant" Kaiser (a long haired German Shepherd) Friday during a short and routine procedure he has had over 25 times - they were just placing a catheter for a chronic neurological condition he had (reflex dyssynergia) that caused him to be unable suddenly to urinate. The drug used was propofal. He was at a good veterinary hospital and the vet seems to feel genuinely bad and doesn't believe it was due to too much of the propofal because his heart was not even responsive to the epinephrine and CPR at all. He thinks it may be due to something with the underlying neurological condition he had- but there is no way to prove that. Truthfully none of this matters. All that matters is my baby boy is gone way too soon and I am heartbroken and in shock. He was just 9 years and 3 months exactly. Yet for some reason I am obsessed with getting answers and details on what happened during the procedure. I wonder if it is a stage of grief? My house is so empty and quiet without him. I am devastated. I lost my other GSD almost 2.5 years ago- so In the last 2.5 years I have lost both my babies and we are now in a dog less house. I am a single mom by choice to an amazing 6 year old boy and he is handling this much better than me. I know I need to be strong for him. I am also 7 weeks pregnant after years of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I have been such a mess I haven't been able to eat or sleep and I have to keep reminding myself I am pregnant and should be focused on that. Instead I just worry the pregnancy is doomed now given my intense grieving and sorrow the last few days. I am just a mess right now. And to top it off I have to leave to go to a work meeting this week and I won't return until Thursday. Not sure how I'm going to get through it to be honest. I feel broken.
Kelly
Quote 0 0
catlong75
Kelly I too replay the day I lost my dog Hitomi over and over in my head. I question about what went wrong. why couldnt I make her stay with me? Why couldnt the vet make her better like they were supposed to? So much going on in my head and searching for answers that I probably will never get. I believe it part of the greiving process denial. What I do know is that we will always miss our babies. They are a huge part of our lives, and we will never forget them. some days Im ok and others Im a mess. The people on this site are very helpful. sign up for the monday night candle ceremony too because it helps.
hitomi's mom
Quote 0 0
Beaglemomma
We ALL replay that LAST day.  Sure wish I know how to make it go away for ALL of us.  I just want to remember all the JOY and laughter my Molly brought to me, but that last event won't go away for me.  It was sudden too for me.  She was 14, but healthy and the morning went as usual.  She had a sudden stroke and while I got her to the Vet there was no choice.

You are NOT alone and you do need to focus on this new baby you are carrying.  Like you didn't know that already.  The HOW is the problem isn't it?  Just know that you can come to this site and meet the most wonderful people ever and there is always someone at the ready to comfort you.

I am sending you hugs and hoping all goes well with this pregnancy.  You sure have a lot to deal with right now.  Take care.
Capture.JPG 
janice
Quote 0 0
vallaing
Oh Kelly I am so sorry to hear about Kaiser.  It's so difficult to come to terms with when it's sudden. I lost my fur baby unexpectedly too on Friday and can't eat or seep well either so I can sympathize with you on that. 

I too would want answers if I were you as it's such a shock.

I know your heartbroken, but please take care of yourself and your baby and keep posting for support. 

Thinking of you and sending hugs.  You will get through this! 
Quote 0 0
Bellarosa
kkflynn75 wrote:
I lost my precious "gentle giant" Kaiser (a long haired German Shepherd) Friday during a short and routine procedure he has had over 25 times - they were just placing a catheter for a chronic neurological condition he had (reflex dyssynergia) that caused him to be unable suddenly to urinate. The drug used was propofal. He was at a good veterinary hospital and the vet seems to feel genuinely bad and doesn't believe it was due to too much of the propofal because his heart was not even responsive to the epinephrine and CPR at all. He thinks it may be due to something with the underlying neurological condition he had- but there is no way to prove that. Truthfully none of this matters. All that matters is my baby boy is gone way too soon and I am heartbroken and in shock. He was just 9 years and 3 months exactly. Yet for some reason I am obsessed with getting answers and details on what happened during the procedure. I wonder if it is a stage of grief? My house is so empty and quiet without him. I am devastated. I lost my other GSD almost 2.5 years ago- so In the last 2.5 years I have lost both my babies and we are now in a dog less house. I am a single mom by choice to an amazing 6 year old boy and he is handling this much better than me. I know I need to be strong for him. I am also 7 weeks pregnant after years of IVF and multiple miscarriages. I have been such a mess I haven't been able to eat or sleep and I have to keep reminding myself I am pregnant and should be focused on that. Instead I just worry the pregnancy is doomed now given my intense grieving and sorrow the last few days. I am just a mess right now. And to top it off I have to leave to go to a work meeting this week and I won't return until Thursday. Not sure how I'm going to get through it to be honest. I feel broken.
Jan
Quote 0 0
Jody
My baby golden died suddenly in his sleep at 7yrs old. I know how you feel and I am so sorry for the pain you feel. You are not alone. It has been two weeks today and I can at least make it to work now and take care of myself. Time will heal all wounds. Forever will our babies live in our hearts and memories...
Quote 0 0
jordanjada123
Sorry to hear of your Loss ...I understand you 100% . Jordan the love of my life passed away suddenly in oct 16 2015 i am still heartbroken. In Feb my
Partner had twins , but i was so distant , losing jordan was horrible , my mom was helping me get thru my grief and than suddenly she passed away May 2 2016 ...i still had 
Jada and she passed away 3 weeks ago . I feel your pain , please stay  strong your baby really needs you.
Quote 0 0
Jody
Oh my...that's really devastating. I am so so so sorry for all your loss! I can't even manage losing one love. I feel distant from everyone as well except my mom. Again, I am so sorry. Just know you are human and know you are not alone. This site is wonderful and there is no one to call you crazy on it. Love yourself as I try to love myself....hugs
Quote 0 0
kkflynn75
It seems I am certainly not alone in reliving the last day. It is so hard and I know I need to stop beating myself up about it. The reality is it won't change the tragic outcome, and that is the only thing that would truly make me feel better. Jordan- that is so tragic and way too much loss for one person no matter how strong!

Jody- that is terrible and so sad. Did you do an autopsy to find out ever caused it? They offered it to me, but I couldn't cut up my beautiful boy. I just couldn't do it.

I feel so bad for all of you suffering too and will pray for all of us. Time is sadly the only thing that Makes it better and that moves so slowly when we hurt as bad as we all do right now.

I took some Benedryl (safe for baby) and am praying I can sleep through the night tonight.

It is so nice to know I am not in this alone.
Kelly
Quote 0 0
Jody
I keep reliving that morning as well. But now try and think of the day my mom and him wrestled the roast that cooked all day and he won! Lol...then puked it up. That's where I have begun to take my thoughts. I did not do an autopsy either. I did not want him dissected and his heart taken out. After research, I feel it was cardiac related. Aortic stenosis and/or an aneurysm. The vet also said maybe tumor on his spleen. I just know it didn't matter. Nothing was bringing him back :( The candle ceremony was great tonight. If yoy haven't already been there, I totally recommend it. It was sad and got some laughs. It gave me a tiny piece of closure and acceptance. Just have your 3 candles ready. It made it so warm and special!!! Good luck on sleep. After 2 weeks, all of us can sleep again, even my bulldog. Tonight is the first night since Tony died that she did not bark once!
Quote 0 0
kkflynn75
Oh Kaiser- my heart is broken and nothing feels the same without you here. It feels like a black and white version of our life. Jamison has woken up crying every night because he doesn't feel safe without our buddy there. I can't sleep either. I am getting all your records pulled and looking into the amount of medicine they gave you that day. I feel it is something I need to do in your honor. I have always been your advocate and will be now too. Grandma and grandpa miss you and are sad they didn't get to say good bye. They think I need to just accept it was your time and be at peace with that. That's just not me - you know that about me. I have been in Boston all week for work and I feel like everything around me is going on as normal while every moment is a struggle for me. I have cried in every bathroom stall at this hotel, at the airport, on the plane and of course in my room at night I break down. My heart is shattered and the "what if's" are haunting me. What if I took you somewhere else? What if I had noticed they had changed your anesthesia protocol? Why didn't I notice that? I can't wait to get back home and just fall apart properly. I will miss seeing you on your spot on the couch. That will tear me apart. I am going to do the candle ceremony for you next week and get in to a grief counselor. I know I'm going to bed Help to get through this. I love you so much buddy, I hope you know that. Love mommy..
Kelly
Quote 0 0
Lizzy12
I hope you find answers or come to a place of closure with what caused Kaiser's death. I can not imagine going through this terrible pain while pregnant. Please try to be gentle with yourself so you can stay healthy and strong. I keep forcing myself to eat because I know not doing anything positive for myself will just make everything worse. I hope you made it through your work travels ok, that sounds so hard. I'm trying the candle ceremony this week too, I really hope it brings you some peace.
Quote 0 0
denwill1310
This case sounds so similar to an experience we had some years ago.  We took our Sheltie Berry in to be spayed because of Pyometra.  She was in very good condition and was not ill with it.  It was an Open Pyometra.  She died under the  Anaesthesia.  We asked for a post mortem.  The story that came from the vets was that Berry had athletes heart.  We have since been told that that is unknown in dogs.  We are convinced to this day that the vet overdosed her with anaesthetic.  To be honest I do not believe they even did a post mortem.  I believe they made up this excuse to cover their own backs.
denise
Quote 0 0
kkflynn75
@denwill- that is terrible! I am so sorry for your loss. Did it take you a long time to heal? I am just so angry and devastated. I miss my buddy so much. I too lack trust in the review they are going to do. I am having a third party - a professor in anesthesiology at UW do a review as well. Depending on the results I may sue for veterinary malpractice.
Kelly
Quote 0 0