When I lost my sweet Molly in January because of lung cancer I was just like you. I blamed myself for everything like not taking her to the vet sooner, not seeing the signs and if I had her euthanized too soon. I relived her last moments over and over and over. At times, I would scream to myself that I killed my baby. It was the most intense pain I had ever felt even more than losing loved ones. After all, she was my responsibility and I felt that I failed her so much. I read everything I could find on cancer in cats and found that this horrible disease is like a silent killer. It comes on so fast without much warning. That first month was agony but now I don’t beat myself up anymore. I realize that even though I made mistakes; I did my best and if there was anything I could have done to save her, I would have done it no matter the cost. It’s not our fault that we don’t know the future.
And yet a part of me still can’t quite believe she’s really gone. But just like Quincysmomma, sometimes it just hits me especially when I remember something about her that I thought I forgot. At those times I point to my heart and say she’s always in here. My baby girl will always live in my heart. I put a plaque on her urn that says, “I’ll hold you in my heart until I hold you in heaven”.