Daisymamma
My beautiful Daisy died Monday. It was the hardest day of my life. She was around 11 1/2 and we rescued her from the pound at 8 months. She was my everything. She taught me how to be a mother by showing me patience and how to care for another life. We did everything together. She slept in my bed and was one of us!! About 2 years later I was pregnant with my 1st child. Daisy was the best ever to our son. She was like his mamma!! I had to stop letting her on the bed because my son was too tiny and I didn’t want her jumping on him. We went on walks daily and did everything together. 16 months later I was giving birth to my 2nd son. My Daisy was in the other room and howled her one and only howl I ever heard when he was born. She could sense my pain in childbirth and could sense when he was being born. Life was perfect. Daily walks, outings and trips out of state together. Then my youngest son was diagnosed with cancer at 2. Everything abruptly stopped. But Daisy was so patient and gentle. She knew my son was hurting and comforted him after long chemo days. She’d fall asleep on the couch next to him and when he felt sick she was right there to comfort him. Our life was complete isolation so we spent a lot of time together in that house and on walks when my son was healthy enough. Fast forward 3yrs and we wanted to move and give my son a fresh start. We moved about 15mins away and life got so busy in what I thought was a good way. My son was considered cancer free and I just wanted him to live and experience things. My Daisy grew old and I was too busy to stop and see it. I no longer let her on the couch like the old house. And I don’t know why I ever did that. She loved going up on the couch with us and I stopped it all. She was aging and I should’ve gave her that comfort. But I didn’t. She use to have her dog bed upstairs in my room but I moved it out into the loft because she snored so loud. Why didn’t I put headphones on? She became too weak to get up and down the stairs and we put her beds downstairs but she slept down there alone. Why didn’t I sleep a few nights with her. She slept downstairs for about a year. In her final days we all had a sleepover downstairs with her but she didn’t want to be bothered. A few weeks ago she greeted me coming home and I know it took so much out of her getting up, but I was trying to get through the door and my kids weren’t listening and I told her to go lay down. I should’ve cherished it but I didn’t. I knew her time was coming close by I couldn’t just stop and cherish things. I was always too busy. My Daisy would come lay in the office and listen to my kids read but sometimes the ventilation in that room was bad and she would be so stinky from laying outside, I’d tell her to go and shut the door. She’d sit there scratching to come in. I’d give anything to go back. I didn’t tell her how much I appreciated her and loved her and then I blink and it’s all over just a memory. This pain is like nothing I’ve ever felt. I’ve been told my child was 80% covered in cancer and might not make it. Yet this is the hardest pain. If it weren’t for having to be here for my kids, I don’t want to even wake up. I just want time to pass as fast as it did with her so I can see her again and not feel this pain. I arranged for a viewing tomorrow to say my last goodbye. I know we have had amazing memories and adventures but I can’t get over the things I didn’t cherish and the regrets and guilt it’s eating me alive.
Quote 0 0
Ginger4256
I am so sorry for your pain. I know exactly how you feel, the guilt, the what if I...
I can only tell you to let yourself feel the pain. I believe that my Boo knew how much he was loved even in the minute before he died.
It is hard, the hardest thing I've ever been through. Daisy knew. She knew
Boo' s mommy
Quote 0 0
camunki
Hi Daisysmama, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl Daisy and Daisy truly knew love from you!! our pets never hold grudges. From your writing you were a great Mum to your Daisy.....and I too am sorry to hear about your son having the cancer, that is alot to take in. I know we all go back with "guilt" wishing we could have done things better with our beloved pets or gave them more love or more of anything.  I also know that when our pets get older, we somehow know in the back of our mind when their time is coming, yet we never fully want to take in that thought of it happening. 

You took your Daisy on daily walks and trips out of state, and Daisy was loved by you and your children, she was patient and gentle and was comforting to your children, what a great girl she was. And your Daisy loves you forever.

These upcoming months are by far the hardest and will be filled with alot of tears along the way. Keep your girls memory alive and talk to her, she hears you and loves you forever.....til you meet again.

Cam


 
Quote 0 0
dachsiemom
Dear Daisymamma- I am so very sorry about your sad loss, and for the pain you are experiencing because of guilt feelings.  It sounds as if you are a young woman, and have just learned some important life lessons the hard way.  We have all been there, one way or another.  I could tell you not to feel bad, but of course you feel bad about Daisy.  That's normal.  And of course you are wondering what you could have done better.  But you were dealing with a heavy burden that most young mothers do not have to face- a two year only child being diagnosed with cancer.  Trying to take care of your son with a life threatening illness, plus another young son, and also caring for an aging dog, is a lot to handle.  And I assume you had a lot of other responsibilities as well.  Of course you made some mistakes; only God is perfect.  For your sake and the sake of your family, forgive yourself.  That is a hard thing to do, I know.  And remember what you provided for Daisy- a comfortable home and a happy life.  I hope that you will be able to find peace.  -Dachsiemom    
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"
Quote 0 0