It's been 5 days since I had my beautiful, beloved Kayla (Kookie) euthanized.
I think I've been in semi shock, denial or shutdown, till today.
She was 15yo, I had been struggling with "the right time" for over 4 months, but she kept rallying and wanted to stay on. She always rallied when visitors came. Mostly she thought they came to see her of course. And she'd stay good for a few days after the company. But, it just got to be too much for her. Bad hips, knees and CCD (Canine Cognitive Dysfunction), finally got the best of her.
The vet came to the house last Tuesday, everything was so surreal for me. It took place in our yard, under the pines, by garden place she loved.
After she passed, I wanted to but couldn’t yell out. I couldn't cry when I was digging her resting place, like I was in another world (that was the day before), and couldn't cry very much while I buried her. I feel like I've just been numb, until today. It hit me very hard today. I just kept crying saying "I want her back".
I know we grieve the loss of everyone differently, human or animal child. I'm just scared this is going to be harder then I thought it would be. Not that I didn't think it wasn't going to be very, very hard. Friends and family have called and are very sad too (she was loved by so many) They've been supportive, but I haven't been able to lose it with any of them. I go from overwhelmingly sad and sobbing, to feeling numb or shutdown.
I’m thankful for this forum to be able to at least talk about her and allow myself to express feelings in writing.
A huge energy, starburst, super nova has passed from this earth.
My sweet girl, Kayla (Kookie / Kookie Bonana) 1999 - 2014