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Kookies1Mom

Thanks Kate. I did have pretty good day. Actually I was able to express my self to people (cry, except hugs, laugh, etc) and even ended up receiving a nice gift for Kookie.

This weekend should prove to be a good one. It's a long story (I'll keep it short), but I've heard from many old family members and friends. I hear they are coming to the gathering (powwow). I've been receiving calls from old friends I haven't heard from in ages. I've been blessed today! I'm actually pretty shocked and amazed. Just because you don't hear from folks for 2 or 3 years, doesn't mean they don't care (lesson for the day) I love them all!

I want this healing for all RB members too! I will be thinking of all of you this weekend!

 

A huge energy, starburst, super nova has passed from this earth. 

My sweet girl, Kayla (Kookie / Kookie Bonana) 1999 - 2014

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Kookies1Mom

 Kookie has been gone 2 weeks ago today. I did have a pretty eventful weekend, just trying to keep my self busy. Keeping busy was working, but I stayed "on couch" all day yesterday (Monday) I didn't do a thing. I was pretty exhausted from the weekend, but mostly just heart broken. 

I drove tribal elders on my golf cart back and forth to the powwow. I ended up walking back and forth a lot too (good therapy for becoming grounded and feeling. Not to mention much needed exercise)

It was a very low key powwow, which is what I needed. I saw friends and received some hugs and condolences. But, I didn't or couldn't cry because, "I was in - help other's and be strong mode -", Oye!
I seriously felt/feel have no one I can be "little" around. At least, that's what's in my mind. So, it figures I had a pup child who was like that as well. What a gal she was...and not far from the ground that she licked it! 

So, I'd like to share a very small video of the powwow with you. Unfortunately, I wasn't tracking well, so my camera's batteries went out, not to mention I forgot to put my darn card. So all my pics and videos are on my cameras memory, with no way to put them out. So here's a small vid from a local paper.

I want to share it because some folks find peace in spiritual events and or just to be distracted for a brief moment, in the beauty of the event. And the children, ah the kids were so beautiful!

Kayla (Kookie) loved her powwows (antique shows, auctions, fairs and etc). All the kids used to glom onto her. She was missed this past weekend and forever will be! It's going to be hard to go to anymore events without her.



I was right behind the drummers. My friends were the one's who carried the flags. 

Kookie used to be the one who'd distract the kids, because they'd be playing off some where...the kids were always late for the dance entry. I will "always" miss that!

 

A huge energy, starburst, super nova has passed from this earth. 

My sweet girl, Kayla (Kookie / Kookie Bonana) 1999 - 2014

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Kookies1Mom

A photo from last year when I used to take her to the river to swim (but had to hold onto her)

She's drying off on her sleeping bag and pooped! I so wish I could take her there now. I wanted to a few days before the vet came, but she was too disoriented. Active yes semi, mind was too gone though.




A huge energy, starburst, super nova has passed from this earth. 

My sweet girl, Kayla (Kookie / Kookie Bonana) 1999 - 2014

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Katel
Oh thank you for posting the video of the powwow-  I could feel the spirit  so
strongly and yes the kids are adorable.   I can imagine the feeling of peace attending such an event would give you, being surrounded by such beautiful people but at the same time missing your so lovely Kookie being there.

She had eyes that talk to you -    almost human.  Of course you wish you had kept her longer but you did what was the kindest for her,  but not for you, as you have the pain of loss now. My heart goes out to you and I am sending you warm hugs galore,

Blessings
Kate 
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Siennia
Hi Kookies Mom, I am so sorry for your losing Kookie.  She was a beautiful dog, thank you so much for sharing her pictures!  With the pictures and the stories it made me feel like I knew her.  I can see this kind soul in her eyes.  I hope you've been able to find some peace in the comfort from your friends and family and the pow wows.  Take care
My dog did this amazing little thing, she existed, and made my whole life better for it. <3
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Whirled_Travel
I'm so sorry for your loss!  I agree with everyone else - what amazing eyes, and such a beautiful dog. 

I don't know what to tell you about your grief - I'm trying to deal with it myself.  Just one day at a time is all you can do.
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Kookies1Mom

Thank you all for your kind words.

It's 4:30 am and I can't sleep, and I realized it's been one month since I had my Kookie euthanized.

It's been a horrible night!(morning) Flashes of I could have tried harder to keep up with her diementia and my crazy thinking of, I didn't talk to her enough about what was going to be happening before I had her euthanized.

It's a month to the date later and now I'm feeling guilt? (well, it's been building) And I know I did the best I could. I have support, family and friends who tell me I did really, really well by her in taking care of her for the last year (I'd made vet appointments to have her euthanized and canceled them for over 6 months) I just wanted more time with her and believed she'd rally. Now though, I'm feeling like I just got selfish. I grew tired of cleaning up her messes (potty and etc) Not being able to leave the house for more then a couple of hours, in case she got stuck in a corner or behind a chair....uggg!


I lay with her big stuffed white seal baby toy. I miss her sent, her fur (which covered everything) is fading and I miss her so much.

Theres more (like having to move from where I am for the winter) a cat I have, who (looong story) hates everyone and treated Kookie bad. Now, I have to figure out what to do with him in my move. Right now I'm a mess and want to shut down again (I still do on and off) But, with out even knowing the date, I fell apart. 

A huge energy, starburst, super nova has passed from this earth. 

My sweet girl, Kayla (Kookie / Kookie Bonana) 1999 - 2014

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Jinxandmatildas_mom
I too have the same feelings of guilt of being selfish about cleaning up their messes at the end, but you have to look at it from a perspective of respect and dignity, my kitties were such clean kitties, to not be able to help themselves at the end, it must have been heartbreaking for them, thinking maybe I would be mad at them which of course I never was, and didn't understand why this was happening to them,and I too didn't leave the house for any long period of time, because we loved our babies and worried for them, that's what moms do, what we did was from pure love, nothing selfish about it, so be kind to yourself, easier said than done I know
Kathy
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