Kirbysmom
My Dearest Kirby,
Mommy misses you so much! It's been almost 3 weeks and the pain is still so hard to bear. I haven't been able to sleep in my bed yet since that is where you cuddled up to me every night. I have to sleep on the couch with the TV on all night. I talk to your picture every day and pray that you are happy and taken care of. I just feel so empty inside and so lonely without you here. I still feel guilty for having to make the decision to have you put to sleep. I know you were in pain so I felt like I would be selfish to keep you here just so that I wouldn't be in pain from missing you so much. I am having such a hard time with thinking I failed you somehow. I keep hoping for some kind of a sign from you to let me know that you are okay and that you are happy. I feel like I didn't have enough time to tell you goodbye and I hope you know how very much I loved you and will always love you. You are in my heart forever and Always......I love you to the moon and back! 
Love Always, Mommy xoxo
Rhonda [image]
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Lilimarie
Kirbys mom, I have not been able to sleep in my bed either, it's been over 3 weeks. I only use the bedroom for getting dressed now. I too sleep on the sofa every night with the TV. I usually have a glass a wine as well, it helps me sleep through the night. I'm so sorry you're hurting. It's so draining. Everything just seems so different. You almost feel like the world should stop, but it doesn't. Feel free to share your stories. I'd love to hear them
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Kirbysmom
Lilimarie, 
Thank you for making me feel normal! It helps to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. My heart is just so heavy and I can't seem to go a day without crying. I just miss Kirby so much! I'm not sure when I'll be able to sleep in my bed again....I'm like you and only use my bedroom to get dressed. I have been taking something to help me sleep, but I still wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. Early this morning I woke up and my heart was pounding and I couldn't breathe....I guess it was a full blown panic attack. I haven't slept much for the past 3 weeks and I think it's catching up with me. It's hard to get through the day at work feeling like this and then as soon as I walk in the door I'm in tears. I just keep asking myself how long it will take to feel normal again??? I yearn to hold my sweet fur baby and kiss his sweet little nose and cuddle up with him at night. He would always curl up next to me and rest his little head on my arm. When it was bath time he would go hide under the bed. He knew exactly when I would be home from work and would always be right at the door to smother me with kisses. He was just my precious baby and I'm having a hard time trying to get through each day without him. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that we will see each other again one day. I would love to hear more about your sweet fur baby and how you are doing. Hope to hear from you soon. Kirby's Mom (Rhonda)
Rhonda [image]
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LexyBaby
I understand the feelings you are going through. I lost my Mayhem last night unexpectedly. My daughter found him on the floor. The feeling is horrible. I cried when I walked through the door today and didn't hear him barking to welcome me home as he always did. Nights are terrible. He would curl up in bed near my legs and I miss him so much. I can't come to terms with this. My daughter is devastated. She was up crying in my bed all night because she misses him laying there. This is so hard and I feel guilty for not being here, like it wouldn't have happened if I was here. I'm heartbroken over this loss. I miss my baby so much and I pray that he is happy and at peace and doesn't hate me. Take care. I hope we all start feeling normal soon. Or as close to it as possible.
Missing my LexyBaby...xoxo
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Lilimarie
Rhonda, there is never a time limit on Grief. My Benny passed in such a horrible way and when I found him at home laying on the floor its been etched in my memory daily. He really was like a baby to me. Especially, since he acted like a little toddler. I always had to take precautions not to leave any kind of foods that he could get to that would make him sick, because he knew no limits.. Lol. He slept with me every night and he would burrow under the blanket and sleep with me back to back. He would wait patiently in the mornings for me to wake up. So, as you can imagine I always started off my days on the best note. The loss of him hurt so badly, and I know you can understand, but I think the reason we hurt so badly, is because the bond was that strong. I thought to myself the other day, as much as I hurt without him here, i'm so thankful that I was able to experience his love. He taught me to love with more compassion and to love unconditionally and for that I will never forget him and he will always, always, always, be inside my heart until we meet again. And, I know Kirby is looking over you and wishing peace for you and also excited about the day that he can be with you again, so until then we can cherish the memories, share their stories, and always keep them in our heart until we can walk with them again in due time.
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Leahbeahis
Rhonda, we can all relate. The pain is so intense that sometimes you feel you can't catch your breath. I rarely get any sleep either. If I wake up I immediately think of Lucy. Lucy died accidentally much like Lilimarie's boy, Benni did. The way I saw her is traumatic to me.

Even if you lost your baby in the best scenario you could think of, you would still hurt just as much. It's because of how strong the love is between you two. No amount of time would've been enough. We all play the guilt game. If I did this, or didn't do that, if only...if if if. You are only human and you did everything you could in your power to care for Kirby. When you get a sign, there will be some relief. Even the strongest believers in God or an afterlife have doubts sometimes. When you get that sign, you feel reassured that you will indeed see your loved ones again. The hardest part is waiting for that day. I hope you can get some rest tonight.
~ Leah
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Kirbysmom
Thank you all for sharing your stories with me. It does make it easier knowing that others understand what I'm going through. The bonds we have with our fur babies are just so strong that it's like losing a child and the grief we experience is overwhelming. I agree that no matter how we lost them there is always the guilt. The always thinking could I have done something more? I have a daily devotional bible that I have been reading and also downloaded a book on my kindle "Furry Friends Forever More" A Heavenly Reunion With Your Pet. This does help some and I do have faith that God wouldn't allow us to love our pets so fiercely and then not to ever be united with them. And since there is no time in heaven when we reunite with them, even if 40 years from now, it will seem like it was only a moment to our pets and they will recognize us right away. I can't wait until the day I see my sweet Kirby again! It seems like each day although in some ways we get stronger, I know speaking for myself that I miss him more and more as time goes by. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks and I feel like I should be over the crying, but it is still so hard! I am so thankful for all of you that are here to listen and share your stories. Your babies were precious as well and this is such a wonderful way to keep their memories alive! 
God Bless....Kirbysmom (Rhonda)
Rhonda [image]
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Leahbeahis
I'll have to order some of these books. It feels very comforting to think that our babies aren't grieving or suffering the way we are, and that for them, it'll only seem like we just left them when we see them again. I can't wait either. Get some rest tonight, and thank you.
~ Leah
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