“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” – Jack Lemmon
Frisky was my favorite cat. I have had him for 15 years, since I was 18 years old. He and I have been through so much together. He was what my dad affectionately called "a scaredy cat" because he was afraid of everyone and very very skittish. The only person he ever took to was me and then to my husband almost immediately. Everyone else, he would run and hide when they came around. Frisky and I had a very special bond that no other cat will ever have with me. No other cat will ever fill the empty void in my heart that is there without Frisky.
At 15 years old he lived a long and a good life. I don't know exactly how it happened or when, but Frisky developed fluid in his chest cavity which was so filled by the time the vet found it, that it had started filling his abdomen area. There was nothing the vet could do and Frisky was desperately struggling to take in every breath. So even though it was the most heart wrenching thing I have ever done and the hardest decision I ever had to make, I decided to end his suffering and have him euthanized.
They let me hold him during the whole process. He started in my lap, with his upper body against my chest and my arms wrapped around him. I embraced him as they gave him the shot to make him sleep, and held him the entire time, stroking his favorite spot behind his ears, and telling him how much we loved him and that he would soon be comfortable and at peace. Once he was asleep, they moved him to the table where I moved my chair to, and wrapped my arms around him. I kept stroking behind his ears and kissing him over and over while I repeated over and over "I love you". The vet gave him the shot and I continued to repeat over and over again "I love you" while keeping my arms wrapped around him. And he died peacefully in my arms with "I love you" as my last words to him. The vet listed for his heart and whispered "he's gone" then they left the room and let my cry and say my final goodbyes.
The vet placed him in a bag for me to take home and he is now buried in my mom's back yard next to his kitty friend Darcy (my sister's cat).Now almost a week later and I still can't cope. i have a husband, and 3 year old son and two other pets yet I feel so lonely. Especially at night after everyone else has gone to bed. This was mine and Frisky's time where I would watch tv and pet him.There are times that something makes me smile or laugh and I immediately feel guilty. Like Frisky will think I don't miss him. I also feel guilty because ever since my son came along, Frisky has been neglected in the affection department. When he would come up on the bed late at night or early in the morning rubbing his face into mine I would push him away. or when I was on the couch doing something I would push him away. Now I feel so guilty that I took advantage of him being there and didn't show him the affection he needed.This is not fair to my 3 year old because he does not understand. Christmas is my favorite time of year and every year it shows. I am always the most cheerful and festive person in the house making sure everyone's Christmas is great. But this year my heart just isn't in it and it's not fair to my son. Especially when he is at the right age to start understanding Christmas. How do I force myself to make sure he enjoys his holiday when my heart is so heavy?And how do I get through this loneliness of no longer having my baby to cuddle?
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