codysmum102
Dearest sweet baby boy,

Daddy took me out for a belated Valentines dinner and movie today.  I had this feeling when I came outside of the theater into the dark that we better hurry up and get home so we can walk you then realized that there was no reason to rush home because there was no one there waiting for their walk.  When we arrived home and came through the garage door into the house it was dark and quiet.  No little boy prancing around, excited that mommy and daddy were home.  Just silence.  I miss you so very much baby boy. Life will never be the same without you.  I will never forget you and I will love you forever Cody,  Mommy is trying not to be so sad but it is very very hard.  I know you're in a better place and I can hardly wait to see your smiling face again.

Mommy 
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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Broken1
Codysmum,
 I so feel your pain! My baby loved strawberries and every time I go in my fridge i see the Tupperware full of cut up strawberries w no baby to give them to.Everything I look at is a memory of him,its truley heartbreaking...

jimmy
Ill never be the same...
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Broken1
Codysmum,
  Theres a song by Harry Styles called “Sweet creature” that I use to sing to him,I had to delete it because the words mean something different now,then it was happines,now sadness...your boy was adorable (profile pic) he looked so happy,I cant look at pics yet,I actually have a live pic (which is a 3 second video) of him sitting next to the table where i keep my iPad and I’m saying to him “I love you baby,I LOVE YOUUUUU” and his booty was shaking cuz he was wagging his tail so hard...I CANT EVEN THINK OF LOOKING AT IT! I cant belive hes gone,just POOF!

Jimmy
Ill never be the same...
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Broken1
Btw you wrote on my thread,thank you for your kind words
Ill never be the same...
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codysmum102
Jimmy,
I remember writing to you. I have just gotten to the point where I can look at pictures but I still cry.  When I made a collage of my baby I was bawling the whole time.  I have video too and I can't look at that because that would make it even more real that he is gone.  I hope some day I am able to.  I used to sing made up songs to him.  The last time I sang them was when we were spending the last minutes of his life when him at the vets.  I was bawling the whole time and he looked up at me like what's wrong?  Then when I forced myself to stop he smiled. God I miss that smiling face so much.  He was such a happy dog.  I'm just glad his last time on earth wasn't spent in pain.  I am tearing now.  I miss him so very much.  My life is better for having 11 years with him but it would have been even greater if I just could have had some more time.

Take care,
Julie
bobs.jpg
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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Broken1
Codysmum,
 I absolutely LOVE the collage and I’m hysterical crying right now for you,its actually hard to type! I had a nick name for him ”munchkin orunchkin” hed sleep up against the end of my pillow so my breath would be on his back,since the day he got that cough he didnt sleep near me he went to foot of the bed,i dont know why!!! Did i scare him? I use to nibble on his back and he jump and look at me! He also had the appetite of a pitbull 3lbs LOVED TREATS...strawberrie,kiwi,carrots and sweet potato...he was slick tho,he the carrots were his least favorite so if I get him them by the fridge where he felt he had a better choice hed spit them out but if i gave them to him up in my bedroom hed gobble them up lol I’m gonna miss that little boy

your new friend,
Jimmy
Ill never be the same...
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Achilly
Codysmom what a beautiful collage💙
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Faceinyou
codysmum102 wrote:
Dearest sweet baby boy,

Daddy took me out for a belated Valentines dinner and movie today.  I had this feeling when I came outside of the theater into the dark that we better hurry up and get home so we can walk you then realized that there was no reason to rush home because there was no one there waiting for their walk.  When we arrived home and came through the garage door into the house it was dark and quiet.  No little boy prancing around, excited that mommy and daddy were home.  Just silence.  I miss you so very much baby boy. Life will never be the same without you.  I will never forget you and I will love you forever Cody,  Mommy is trying not to be so sad but it is very very hard.  I know you're in a better place and I can hardly wait to see your smiling face again.

Mommy 


I’m right there understanding your writing this way. It’s resonates with me.
Love is with you/ in you... that doesn’t go away. The two of you non ever part.
Toby’s Dad
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codysmum102

Jimmy,

We had a nick name for snack time too.  My husband used to call it good snacking.  Cody loved his dog treats.  My husband would give him his prescribed amount and then Cody would keep giving him the look like more please then Rick would say you got all your snacking you're alright and he'd toddle off to wherever I was.  It's funny you should say that about him sleeping at the foot of the bed.  When we first got Cody he would sleep right by me but I don't know when it was but at some point he would start out next to me and I'd be petting his belly and then he would have had enough and move down to the end of the bed.  I wonder to this day what that was about.  I thought maybe as he got older he was getting too hot laying that close to me.  I guess I'll never know.  Cody wasn't a big fan of fruits or vegies but he loved turkey hot dogs, steak, deli roast beef,  these meatballs I used to make out of just ground turkey, egg and bread crumbs so he could eat them too and rotisserie chicken.  In fact the last thing I could get him to eat when we brought him home from the ER was chicken tenderloins that I made him.   He ate them ravenously but then the next day he didn't want to eat or drink.  It's hard for me to eat things that we ate with him.  I haven't had meatballs, rotisserie chicken, chicken tenderloins or hot dogs since he's been gone because those were my boys favorites and I couldn't see eating them without him.  It is so very hard every day.

Take care,
Your friend Julie
,
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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codysmum102
Achilly, Thank you so much.  It is up on the wall in my family room next to the shelf where I have his ashes and other bits of memories from his life.
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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codysmum102
Faceinyou,
So true.  He is no longer with me but our love will stand the test of time.  I talk to him all of the time but just felt like I needed to write my feelings down, sort of like a journal.  I'm trying all sorts of things to try to process my feelings and help deal with the grief.
Julie
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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Broken1
Codysmum,

     God Bless Cody,Rick and you...hopefully through our energy and grief our babies find each other over the bridge! I dont want to sleep,i hate waking up and it hitting me like a ton of bricks,the things that i dreaded doing (waking up all times of night 5/6 times a night to walk him) I miss now! I feel like I’m going crazy...

your friend,
Jimmy
Ill never be the same...
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codysmum102
Dear Cody,

I had a lot of errands to run today so I keep busy but as soon as I got home, walked into the house and you weren't there I got that terrible sinking feeling in my chest.  Now it's getting dark and there will be no walk for us.  I really need to start walking again though because it's good for me but I can't take any of the routes we used to take through the neighborhood.  It would be too hard to be doing it without you.  I will have to find somewhere else to walk.   I remember before you came to us your daddy and I used to try walking and we'd start out good but then we'd always end up making excuses and stop walking.  After you came to us though we walked every night without fail.  Even when it was raining or if one of us couldn't go the other would take you out.   We knew how much you loved your walks and you'd look up at us with that sweet face saying come on lets go!  Sometimes you would go so fast I could barely keep up with you.  Other times you went at a more leisurely pace taking time to mark everywhere and make sure the other dogs knew Cody was here! You had certain routes you would take and we'd leave it up to you to choose which way we were going.  You liked to change it up.  After we moved, in September, you took the same route for awhile but as you got to know the neighborhood you started venturing out and trying new routes.  But that all changed when you started getting really sick and at some point you could barely go across the street and then you would be ready to come home.  After we found out you had the tumor and we saw the neurologist who put you on Prednisone you started acting like your old self.  Walking so fast I could barely keep up.  I thought maybe we will have a lot more time because look at how good he's doing!  But it was not to be.  Two moths later you had another seizure and after coming home, the next day we could tell that our time was up.   The brain tumor had won.  I love you so much baby boy.  My love for you is forever and you are with me in spirit, always in my heart, but if I could only touch you again...

Mommy
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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Broken1
Codysmum,

i just cringed when I read the word “prednisone” my Baby was on that twice a day (8am/8pm),gabapentin and hydrocodone.he hated the taste of the gabapentin and would wiggle his head so fast that I’d fill syringe w water to wash it down.The steroids I hear are very rough on there system and I would bet he was bleeding internally and that was part of his demise! his pop turned red a few times I think he was a bleeding internally,my mom would say “its the strawberries“ but we’ve gave his strawberries for years,no red pop,then I thought maybe the meds,but it only was that color a few times.People kept telling me “you’ll know when it time”,at least 3-4 people,ALL dog lovers,but I thought “I’m gonna end up making him suffer because I love him so much Ill never think I know its time to kill him” .he had a very rough night Friday.mom and I were up all night w him,every time he'd cough we’d hold him up under his front legs to try to stretch is chest so the trachea would open,sometimes it would work immediately sometimes not,so,we were up all night repositioning him every time hed cough.The meds just stopped working,the hydrocodone use to stop the cough 3-4 hours so he could sleep and that barely worked it was down to like a hour or even taking a hour to work.then he went limp in my hands and his little head just fell over,my mom yelled “is he dead?” And i said “baby,baby” and his opened his eyes w this look like “daddy I’m so tired”.so I’m sled my mom.”what do i do if he passes” and she lost it and said “if he dies I’m getting in my car and just driving“,I was alone w him and 2 other dogs,it was 8 degrees,winding country roads,Ice and she cant see good at night,I was terrified.Saturday came and I just didnt weant him to suffer and die or have a episode of choking and die and at that point “I KNEW”...it was the hardest decision ive ever made,I’m guilty,I feel like i murdered my Baby,I feel like i betrayed his trust and I just cant live w the decision I made,now all I’m left with is 2 glass jars of his hair,paw printsand waiting on his ashes,some Daddy huh??? As far as looking at pics or videos (which I have thousands of because i was my boys personal paparazz) i just cant do it TOO painful...as for walks, he had his own spot 2 spots in front of the house (we have 11 acres) where he went and his last poop is still there,I know it sounds gross but i want to freeze it.I also had my neighbor come over,who’s a groomer,to trim his nails and my mom found one trimming,I was so happy.I’m sorry for rambling my thoughs just take over. Again,for the love of God,I hope he knows how much he was loved and now missed,he took a piece of my heart w him..

your Broken friend,
jimmy
Ill never be the same...
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Achilly
My Chance was on gabapentin and prednisone as well. The vet gave him the minimum dose but he was starting to have a hard time get up again so we asked if we could up it and it did seem to help but then I wonder if it made other things worse. I guess that's always the what ifs that what makes it so hard chance end up being on 5 meds at the end.
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