Dear Bandit,

I am writing you this letter because someone told me it would help bring closure. Remember when you were a puppy and I always told you we would always be best friends no matter what and I would always protect you? By now, you must know that was a lie. We are still best friends, but I could not protect you from this world anymore. Saturday night, I had to make the hardest decision of my life when I saw you laying on the ground and barely able to walk. Your mind was willing, but your body was not. Ultimately, I had to help make the decision to end your life.

There has yet to be a minute that has gone by where I have not questioned this decision. I keep play the “what-if” game with myself and wish there would have been another way. People say euthanasia is the last act of love, but I can’t help but feel like I betrayed you. I wish things could have been different.

I believe in Heaven and I know you’re up there with Jesus now. I was wondering when you were moving your paws Saturday night if you weren’t running towards the city of gold and the twelve pearly gates. Jesus Christ is a man that will never let you down, and he is a much better man that I could ever be. I hope you are enjoying his company along with the many other animals that are up there.

When you look down on our family, I hope it doesn’t hurt you to see us cry. We are selfishly grieving because we loved you so much. I know we are all experiencing pain differently. So far I have experienced numbness, pain, guilt, regret and anger. I know you had to see me express anger earlier when I kicked that door. I hope it made you laugh.

While I am thinking about it, please do me a favor and ask Jesus to bless that other family that had to put their dog down in the room next to ours Saturday night. I could tell they loved him and it brought me a little peace to know you wouldn’t be making the trip to Heaven alone. I hope you and that other dog became friends.

Today it was beautiful out. You would’ve enjoyed playing ball outside and I can’t help but think this week of beautiful weather is because of you. Are you playing ball in Heaven? Does the Rainbow Bridge really exist?

I don’t know the actual answer to any of these questions, but I’m sure you do by now. I know it will be tough going back home again; looking at your favorite spots, going for walks… the first snowfall will be hard. Watch over us, okay?

I love and miss you. I know everyone in our family would selfishly wish for you back in a heartbeat if it was possible. We miss you like crazy. Last night I stayed up until 4 a.m. thinking about you. Thank you for being so amazing. I love you.

Bandit (November 9, 2001 - March 5, 2016)

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When I read what you wrote, I can see words that I too have used, and continue to use. It's a common thing with us humans that have opened our hearts for our fur babies, feathered babies, and so on. I remember when I wrote a letter to my Phantom years ago when she crossed the bridge. I wondered many of the same things as you are. I think it is helpful and I am glad that others have been able to do this. I know from advice that I have given to people, words of support, that their pets had lived long lives and that whoever I was talking to, provided a happy home, and even though that is stuff I have said, it still hurts sometimes because we all wish for more time, even in old age that our babies reach, never seems like enough. So I won't say that because you already know that the time wasn't enough. I feel for you, and I hope that others on here can provide words of wisdom, and help the healing begin

Your letter to Bandit was beautiful, and I can see that you loved Bandit a lot.

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What a beautiful tribute you wrote to your baby.  I know you will see your baby again.  Everyone here knows exactly how you feel and I wish you peace.  It is still hard for me and it has been over 3 months now you would think it would be better by now, but grief knows no time table.  I only hope that Bandit and Molly are playing together and that Molly was there to greet your Bandit.  What a beautiful picture you posted.

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So sorry for your loss,  what a truly beautiful dog Bandit was.  And such a special tribute that you wrote.  We all know exactly how you feel right now - however long we have our special little friends is never long enough. Just to know that we gave our animals such good lives, right until the time we have to part.  
 After losing our 17 year old dog Jim just over 12 weeks ago, I really hope he is running free over the Bridge, free from all the shackles of pain and old age, just waiting for the day we will be reunited. 
            Jackie. xx
J Taylor
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