I lost my beautiful little Max a couple of days ago. The grief is searing and unbearable, worse than I have a ever grieved for any human being.
People keep telling me to remember the good times and that I rescued him from a terrible life when he was young but all I can see is the end. This is Intensified by the sheer guilt that I feel.
not only did I allow him to have the awful lepto 4 vaccine which intimately killed him, ( I had no idea that thousands of dogs had died from the effects of the vaccine) but at the end , the vet said he would come to my home and that he would be given a sedative. Everything would be pain free but when he injected the sedative, instead of doing it in the scruff of his neck where he wouldn’t feel it, he did it in his back. Max squealed in pain and jumped off the sofa. He looked at me for a long time as if to say ‘ mum why did you let him hurt me’.
i was utterly distraught and I am now guilt ridden that the his last moments on earth were painful due to the needle.
When he stared into my eyes at the end, was he remembering the pain of the needle and 5 days in intensive care with scans, needles, tests etc ? Or was he remembering good things?
Does anyone know? I have looked for some answers but I can’t see much research into what and how dogs remember things,