DogLover40
Had to put my 12 year old buddy down the other day and been trying to deal with the guilt ever since. He had something growing on his arm/leg, the first one last month ruptured after being on antibiotics and he recovered very well. But then another one started the grow in its place. The vet wasn’t sure what it was (tumor or cyst) and gave us more antibiotics, we decided that surgery was the best option to remove and biopsy since the antibiotics weren’t shrinking it. When he went for pre bloodwork (2 weeks ago) for surgery, it showed his kidneys weren’t all that great and this is where it went completely downhill. They gave us kidney food diet and stronger antibiotics to get the lump to go down. Unfortunately he stopped eating and became listless, often just staring at the wall for long periods of time. He wasn’t in pain but you can see the confusion from the toxins from the kidney disease. We took him on Thursday for another bloodwork to see if there was any improvement (although he hasn’t eaten) and his numbers doubled basically putting him in kidney failure. The vet said the prognosis wasn’t good and we were faced with the decision, the next day we said goodbye to him. A couple of days has gone by and I continue to ask myself if I could’ve done something different, noticed things earlier, went for a second opinion. Even having dreams of people asking me those same questions. I knew I would miss him when the time would come but this feeling I have is devastating, maybe I did wrong him wrong. I hope he knows how much we loved him and how extremely difficult it was to watch him go.
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ryan_junior
Try and understand that your dog knew you did everything you could for him.  There is no doubt he knew how much you loved him.  It's tough, and will be for a long time.  But you have 12 years of memories to look back on.  I hope you find peace and comfort in the future, and don't beat yourself up.  You gave him a great life, that's what matters most.
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DogLover40
Thank you for the kind words. Reading through the threads here helps.
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Lrogers424
Hang in there...it is tough.  You made the best decision you could for your buddy and spared him any more pain.  In the end that is all that matters; that you loved him enough to make the difficult choice.  I was there 10 months ago, making the same agonizing decision for my sweet girl.  It hurts like hell and I still feel her loss today and the pain of that day.  I have no regrets though, just sorrow from losing such a sweet soul.  But she, like your buddy, did not deserve to suffer so I could have 1 more day or week with her. 

I hope you find peace as you work through the grief.  There will be both days when you can deal with it all and days that wipe you out.  Remember all the great days that you had together and know there is life, hope and love still waiting for you.

Wishing you peace and comfort,
Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom
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neesy369
So sorry for your loss, DogLover40.  We all are faced with that guilty feeling when we have to make the most horrible decision to send the to cross over peacefully, but we do it out of love when nothing else can save them.  You did this out love for your precious Buddy.  He understands, this.  I know you would not want him to suffer and he is grateful that you did this despite your own pain.  Take care of yourself and please don't feel guilty.  It will be a long hard road, but eventually you will understand just as he understands there was nothing else you could do for him.  He is always with you and always around you and is now your guardian angel until you meet again.  He loved you unconditionally here on earth and loves you unconditionally in his new life form, but it is always and forever.


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DogLover40
Thank you for the kind words and support. The toughest part is coming home from work everyday and expecting him to be on the bay window waiting for me.
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Dakota13
I just went through the same thing with my fur boy in March. It’s beentough for sure but he too was going downhill fast. If I left him the way he was for a few more weeks he may have died at home. We have his memory to hold onto and pictures to look back on for the good life we gave our sweet boy. I still have my sad moments but know one day we will meet again. Hugs to you.
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DogLover40
It’s been a few weeks and things have gotten a little better, there are still moments where I think he’s there, still catch myself getting up to walk him before shutting down for the night. But the guilt has gotten somewhat better with time
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Memories_of_Marmalade

I too am so sorry for your loss DogLover.

I had to put my best and only friend to sleep 4 weeks ago today. Yesterday I almost went to the Emergency Room of a local psychiatric hospital my grief, sorrow, guilt & regret were so overwhelming. My mind keeps analyzing my final choice and re-examining possible options I did not choose. Asking itself questions and proposing various scenarios, with more positive outcomes in an endless loop.

The other night I was walking and beating myself up, as I have each night for a month, talking to myself, tearing myself to ribbons internally, and I saw a man with a small dog, a white poodle, in their fenced in front yard. The dog was trying to walk on the grass. It was obviously in severe pain and discomfort. It's back had become like a hunchback, as if arthritis had completely destroyed it. It's rear legs were barely able to move or walk, and were bowlegged from deterioration. It was hobbling around listlessly by instinct in slow circles. It's eyes were milky white with cataracts and it was completely blind. It looked like it was in a living nightmare. But it still seemed somewhat grateful to be outside, wagging it's tail ever so slightly in slow motion, but you could see it was in some kind of shock, distress and disorientation. The owner told me his dog "was 20 years old." And he smiled proudly and said "I'm just letting him live his life." And yet I asked myself "Yes. But what kind of life?" but kept my opinion to myself. I said to myself thinking of the option that I had chose "NOT ON MY WATCH."

My point is we made the difficult, heartbreaking decision to end our beloved's suffering, pain and deterioration. I could not allow my once best friend to continue to lose weight and dwindle away. To become a shadow of his former self. To become even more maimed and handicapped. To continue to be man-handled at the Vets, and poked, prodded, cut and over medicated. I could not allow him to go another hour starving and dehydrated because he could not eat or drink. I could not wait for his health issues to escalate. To go blind, to not be able to walk and drag himself across the floor, to cry out, to throw a blood clot and die in agony. I owed him my life and happiness many times over. As has been written here "I took on his suffering so that he could end his." I know you and others here made that same, devastating choice. And that it was made out of love. Not selfishness.
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DogLover40
So we decided to get another dog (goldendoodle), mostly for my daughters. I was fine with it, but now that we finally brought her home yesterday I just feel very off. Have a lot of anxiety and guilt. I didn’t have any of this when we went through the process with the breeder but now that she’s home, it just seems way off.
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