Dalidog
Morning my Dali.   I hope you are warm and happy and playing with your new friends at Rainbow Bridge.
You know you are the light of my life and that light has been very dim the last 5 weeks without you.
I haven't been without you this long in over 12 years.  I'm so glad I didn't go on vacation this past summer when asked.  You remember I said I wouldn't leave you for 2 weeks, never had, so I stayed home.  I'm thankful for that time with YOU.  I thank you for every moment I had with you and I'm sorry I took them for granted so much or was too busy sometimes. You know I love you and took you whenever I could.

I have started to look at a few pictures (when I can handle it) and bought a scrapbook to organize them in.  Sent off for a Rainbow Bridge pin to wear and the poem to frame with your picture.  Your picture has a prominent place in the living room so I can see it from every angle.  I talk to it and touch it every day.  Melissa has been over a lot with your little sister Luna and nephew Patchez.  She said their personality is completely different now without you to boss them around.  They seem sad though and look for you.  They don't get too close to me because they know you always pushed them away.  We all miss you terribly.

I'm so very sorry I didn't realize how sick you were.  I will always regret not taking you to the vet earlier and will always wonder if it would have mattered.  I'm so sorry I listened to the vet when he said you were going to be okay.  I stupidly felt comfort that he gave you 10 days of meds and even tried to sell me heartworm pills.  I just KNEW you would be okay by the time the prescription was done and you looked good after he gave you that shot.  I tried to leave you alone so you could rest that last day and get well...I thought that was what you needed.  Please forgive me for not knowing.  I cry and cry because I feel I let you down.  This is so very hard for me.  I always thought you would be with me many more years and pass of old (very old) age.  You seemed so healthy just a few days earlier.

The house is so empty without you.  I can't go in any room without thinking about where you were in that room.  I can't go near the dog food aisle in WalMart without breaking down, I have to walk a different way around the store.  Last night was Halloween and I remember how you loved to greet the kids or walk the neighborhood seeing all the people.   Lights out last night and I went to bed early.  I hug that white fluffy pillow that you slept on and will never wash it or let it go. 

I have had many pets, but you are my soulmate and will always be.  It gets harder every day and I will never have another pet.  I had perfection and will wait to be with you.  I do a lot of reading on pet afterlife, grief, etc. and realize that you are still here (never a doubt) and that we will be together again.  Thank you for choosing me and thank you for all the unconditional love you give and thank you for making my life complete.  Yes, I am beyond grief, but I would do it all again in a heartbeat.  The grief is unbearable and I know that is not what you want, you spent your time on earth making me smile and laugh and comforting me.  Thank you Dali.

Enjoy your new friends and please take care of Little Man.  I imagine you playing with him.

I love you.

Mom






Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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Ravensmommy
What a beautiful letter to your Dali. She was so lucky to have you.

I went to Target today and had to walk a different way around the store, too, so that I could avoid the pet aisle. On the way home I passed PetSmart and almost lost it. I don't know what to do without my sweet Raven.

Hugs to you today.
Melissa (Ravensmommy)
Mommy will always love you and keep you in her heart, my dear sweet Raven.
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loft2111
Your letter brought tears to my eyes, Dali loves you very much and knows how much you miss her. I miss my little man and am sure he and Dali are having a great time playing with each other. Hope you're okay, although how is that possible right? I seem to be losing it the past few days, as soon as LM's one month hit the realization that he's never coming back sunk in. I'm a mess, a terrible mess, I'm not even sure how my husband is putting up with me. Take care and hugs to you.
Little mans mom
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fonziesmom
Beautiful letter. It is remarkable how so many of u have such similar feelings and thoughts. Remarkable to me, anyway, since I'm still grieving so much and my family is s stunned by it. I now feel the need to hide my sadness.
I, too, thought Fonz would be okay. Right up until the last two days, I believed the vet that although he had cancer, we were just needing to find the right combo of meds to help. I thought we'd have a couple more years together. Then suddenly, it was the end. A very ugly, sad, painful end for him. Those two days, watching him die, were the worst of my life and I just want to block them out.
Please be grateful that Dali didn't suffer long and know that you did what you could.
I 100% understand feeling like you let her down, but our babies knew our love. They don't know anger and they definitely don't know grudges. Besides, animal instinct is to die alone. Fonzie got up and started to walk minutes/seconds before he died. I grabbed him bc I worried about his gate. I carried him to outside and he snuggled up on me and by the time we got to the grass, he was gone. I had just gotten up to change my babies diaper, but my nieces were there to say goodbye to him and they called me when he stood. That was the first I had left his side in two days. Had they not told me he had gotten up, I would not have been there.
We do what we can. They know that. Dali is loving you and trying to give you comfort.
Please take care of yourself.
Have you rescheduled the doctor appt you referenced before? I have been worried about that.

There are a few people on this forum that have really touched me and whose support (through very little words) has really made a difference over the last too many days. I hope you have found support and we help you at least get though the days.

Take care of yourself. Eat. Drink water. Sleep.
I will love and miss you forever, My Fonzie Bear...
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LillieNeko
What a beautiful letter to Dali, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I find it hard to be in the cat aisle at Petsmart as well, after losing my little girl.  I needed to go there to pick up reptile food and I walked the long way around.  I keep thinking about all the things I'll never have to buy again for her.  Dali was lucky to have you, indeed.
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Dalidog
Thanks so much for all the support.  When I read what everyone has gone through and how much we all feel the same, it comforts me in a way that nothing else has. 

I went to the senior citizens bazaar today just to get out of the house.  I was just looking around and saw a friend of mine I had not seen in a year or two.  She owns one of my daughters dog (Dali's sister) puppies.  I immediately panicked, turned around and left.  I was so afraid she would see me and ask how my Dali was as she always did.  I couldn't handle it.
Not sure when I will be able to talk about it to people without breaking down.

My husband took me to the little pet cemetery where he and his brother buried Dali next to one of her cat friends.  I could not bring myself to go before, but felt it was something I needed to do.  I have a little outdoor praying angel statue that I have carried from home to home every time we moved and put in my flower beds.  I wrote a note to Dali on the bottom of it in permanent marker telling her I loved her and placed it on the top of where she lies.    I hope she knows how hard it was for me to go there, but I feel it is part of the acceptance I need to go through.  I am sure I will have nightmares or a sleepless night tonight once more.

I am doing all I can to accept things and try not to dwell so much on the "what ifs", they are killing me.  I know that Dali knows I love her, I just would give anything to have things gone differently.  Still in shock, I guess.  I rescheduled my doctor appointment for Monday and hope they will give me something for the panic and anxiety attacks that aren't getting any better.  I don't want it to be about me though, my baby was strong and never let on how she must have really felt.  I don't have patience anymore with people who tell me their ailments, not after the quietness of it all.

Thanks to each and every one of you on this site.  I don't know what I would have done without you the last 5 weeks.  I am so sorry for everyone's loss and I pray for all of you and your babies.  No one in my life understands, they don't mention it, and they don't think I should be like this.  Even my husband who loved Dali seems to be okay.  After taking me there today, there was dead silence all the way home as my heart was breaking and tears were streaming down my face.

Again, thank you all....from my broken heart.   And thank you Dali, for being Dali



Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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