Today is three weeks since my Dali left me. I broke down this morning and again a bit later. I'm not sure if it will ever get better. The grief is all consuming. I have moments that are okay, but then the floodgates open again.
I was given a book yesterday called "A Boy back from Heaven". It was written by a friends relative and relates the story of how their 4 year old was so sick, left for heaven, and came back. The boy is now 11 or 12 and doing well. The book touched me because the boy spoke of heaven and 4 angels meeting him and then making him go back. He had never seen his mothers grandmother as she passed before he was born. One day the mother was scanning pictures for a project and left a picture of the grandmother out. The boy saw it and asked his mother why she had a picture of his angel. He also didn't want to return, and asked his mother if she was mad that he wanted to stay in heaven. He came back for a purpose. This is a true story and very touching. Anyway, this book made me realize that our pets we grieve so badly are actually angels on earth. Why else would they be so loving, unconditionally, and no matter what we do. I truly think they watch over us. Odd, I used to think I took care of Dali. The book has a quote near the end:
"there are, of course, sad tears. But I can have reassurance that the mourning is for my personal loss and I can rejoice in knowing that the grace of God will give her the peace and comfort to spend eternity in that beautiful kingdom and I will see her again one day".
Odd, I have known these people for years, but yesterday is when the book was given to me. I stayed up and read it cover to cover last night. I had this overwhelming feeling that Dali had a hand in it getting to me. Maybe she was trying to comfort me, knowing how hard I am taking her leaving. It made me imagine her waiting for me, looking over me, knowing she did her job on earth well taking care of me and that she will always be with me. Is she trying to get me to accept her absence? Something is definitely speaking to me. I am fighting this because I am not ready to accept it. Will I ever be?
I view pets so differently now. They take care of us. They ask for nothing in return except love and subsistence, not a big house, lots of money, or anything material. They are truly exceptional angels. I love you my Dali, thank you for being there for me.
I'm sorry I have rambled on and on, but this was important to me as I try to begin healing. In my mind I saw my baby today, in fact, I see her everywhere. Dali was my life and I don't know how to begin a different one now. How I miss you, my Dali Lhasa
Dali, as much a daughter as any human... pure love
Until we meet again