EM
Rewarding triumphs that we are granted and the daily struggles that we all go through. It seems as though we are all unified through our unique experiences. Each person has a unique story, yet we still share so many similarly vivid experiences when it comes to the hurt that we are going through and the simple pleasures and happiness that we are fortunate enough to attain. I'm creating this topic for anyone and everyone who wants to or needs to discuss their circumstances and experiences, including the painful as well as the positive. I'm sure we can all learn from each other and gain encouragement.
Quote 0 0
partialmarshall
Thank you for starting this topic, EM. I think it's important to try to remember the positive in the midst of the pain. For me, every inch of peace I gain toward acceptance is a triumph. The other day I realized that, as much as it hurts to have lost my best friend, I wouldn't change a thing about his long, happy life or its relatively quick and peaceful end. I feel lucky in that respect, and during such a hard time I definitely count it as a blessing.  

With hugs to all those who are struggling to see light in the darkness.


PM
Quote 0 0
camunki
good topic, i am going on over 6 months since I lost my dog Munki, she had cancer and lived 13 years 10 months plus old....the good is she lived a long life, most Chinese Shar Pei's lifespan is 9 to 12 years old...so yes, she lived longer so I must have been doing something right to keep her on earth. Yet, at the age of 9 y/o she
was diagnosed with a cancer, Mast Cell Tumor, I kept the cancer at bay, changed her diet, fed her soooo many pills, so yes she lived well over 4 years after her cancer diagnosis. I still cry each day, its a soothing cry, a cry that I miss her. I walk my other dogs in the woods each day, and that is when my mind is free, no pressures, no worries, but I also take this time to think of my Munki, and the tears roll. But with each walk i always promise myself too, to think of one good memory, and I do, and that brings a smile to my face. So yes, with the tears and the smiles, everything will someday balance out.

Cam


 
Quote 0 0
EM
I really appreciate both of your comments on this topic. I agree that it's important to give this a lot of thought. Since I started this topic the other day, as usual, the feelings of guilt kept coming at me. Except this time, again since just the other day, I thankfully started to focus in on what really is causing me to hurt so much. For months now, it seems like every day brings on a new angst, something for me to feel guilt and regret about. These things are ridiculously irrational. Sometimes I feel guilt and regret for us not listening to a particular favourite song more often or not trying out a certain new cuisine more often, etc.. It goes on and on and gets totally ridiculous. It's like my mind sometimes looks for reasons to punish myself, even for things that are so unreasonable and unrealistic. The fact is, though, that the list of blessings and triumphs for my relationship with my pooch is infinite and eternal. We've been blessed more than I can describe here at this time. Some day I can give more detail, but really, our blessings are truly eternal and infinite. So with that said, once I really started to think more sober about things, I started to realise what really is the issue. I'm this upset because I legitimately feel as though I'm responsible for his passing or at the least I feel as though I could've and should've done more to comfort him the week that he passed. It's really just as simple as that. I can punish myself each and every day, looking for nonexistent reasons for feeling guilt and regret, but the truth and the reality is that I really just made a mistake during the days prior to his passing. If it had a bearing on adding more days for him in this chapter of life, I'm not so sure, but it most likely didn't do too much to affect that; it did however, make things more stressful though, and for that reason, I'm here now suffering like this to this day. I'm a realist and I'm a very blessed person, and all of my pets have enjoyed the fruits of these blessings whilst with me and in God's Heavenly Kindgdom where they are enjoying even more greater blessings, so I can truly say that I really have everything to be thankful for.
Quote 0 0
winstonsmom12
I also wouldn't change a thing where it came to Winston and myself.  I know I gave him the best life i could and he deserved.  I will think about him forever, and miss him always.  I Love You Winston and My Max XOOXOXO
Susan
Quote 0 0
jimmy17
I can understand so many of us carry an amount of guilt over our animals last few weeks or months, however irrational.  My dog Jim came to us from a rescue centre age 4 months, some low life had cut off his tail and took him, his sister and their mum to be put to sleep. Thankfully the vet took all 3 to the centre, and we were so lucky to spend the next 17 years with this special little dog.  Apart from his last few months, he enjoyed a wonderful life, we made sure he was never on his own ( my late dad thought the world of Jim, and was always ready to look after him for us ).   But when we lost him 6 months ago, all I could think about for the next few weeks was " Did we do enough for him?, did we let him go on too long? Was he in discomfort?.  Looking back I now realise I was blaming myself for something over which I had no control - the fact that our animals do age so much faster than us, and so long as they are being well cared for and loved - we can do nothing about it.  So although we did have lots of daily struggles with Jim near the end, the very fact that we rescued him was to me, a rewarding triumph - especially as he was not meant to survive at all, all those years ago.    
   
                                  Hugs to everyone here, all trying to come to terms with such sad losses.     Jackie x
J Taylor
Quote 0 0
EM
I thank you both so very much for such lovely comments; and wow, like most of the members here, your stories really do relate to my story very similarly. I experience something very similar in regards to my relationship with me and my pooch and how great things have always been for us. He was geriatric for at least a couple years and senior for many more, and for a huge pooch, that's a very long time! Like I was saying in my previous comment, when I think sober about everything and not get caught up in the nagging nitpicking thoughts that don't apply to my situation, all that I can come up with that is valid is that I feel as though I wasn't vigilant enough to find out what was wrong during the days and maybe weeks prior to his passing. Maybe it really wouldn't have mattered. In fact, maybe it would've been worse if I did know, but in hindsight now I wish I did know so that I could've tried more remedies (Remedies that most likely would've given him some comfort and now given me some peace of mind knowing that I tried every possible measure.). Plus that would've made things easier for me now. Everything happens for a reason though, so the fact that I balked, may very well have been a way to keep my mind together and my attitude positive and cheerful, in a situation that yes was out of my control.
Quote 0 0
CKMP
EM,
I too can understand and feel the nagging and constant 'guilt' picking away inside my head.  I lost my girl in March and ever day I still find a way to question myself and ask myself and blame myself.  I made the 'fateful' decision to euthanize her - and since that moment a voice has screamed in my head - "maybe it was too soon"; "maybe she could and would still be here". . . Some days are worse than others yes, and some days I can find the strength to push those aside and know she was deeply loved and cared for.  Like you I struggle with thinking maybe I should have tried this, or that and just maybe it would have made a difference.  You are right - most of the situations are out of our control - except for the decision to euthanize - that definitely seems to be in our control . . .  The illnesses, the advancing years of our special ones, the agonizing speed at which they decline and the desperate actions and measures taken to circumvent what is happening all become jumbled up together in a big emotional mess!   I think I feel more than anything else I let my girl down, one who was always so loyal and so easy going and willing to take all in stride, I denied her another chance . . .  Anyway, I just wanted to let you know again you are not alone in these feelings.  As we all journey through this process and try to make a life without the ones who really defined our lives and made them just so much better!  Take care.
Quote 0 0
EM
Uh yes, for sure, I can also relate to that, the feeling as though we disappointed them by us not doing more when they were in need. For all of the times we are there for each other, at that moment when they needed us the most, it seems like we didn't come through for them, thus disappointing them. That, along with all of the ocd after-effects that are associated with that kind of guilt, is what really debilitates me the most. Granted, like I've been saying many times in this topic thread, I'm so very thankful that I've reached a point where I can stop punishing myself for things that are unrelated to my situation; however, it's still very very difficult to find much rest, knowing that my pooch had physical difficulties in the days prior to his passing, that I could've enabled some comfort towards.
Quote 0 0
Katel
Such wonderful people here who take the time to comfort each other and share their experiences. I too have walked that miserable path of wondering .....   was it too soon,   did I do enough,  why didn't I cuddle them more,  and so on.  It can cut you to ribbons if you let it.

  For me the fact is now that my babies all had a loving and happy life,  what happened  in the end was totally beyond my control.  I think it's that, that can hurt so much, that I could no longer control their happiness.  And yet, with those who I had to euthanise, in its own way it did give them peace.  I know that now, that they are at peace even if I'm not and that's the main thing. 
Quote 0 0
Winlove
I lost my Winnie to cancer 3 and a half months ago. It's sad that each day takes me further from the last time I saw her, talked to her, and petted her. I will never forget her, but I hate that time will make it so much harder to recall what it felt like to really pet her and the details of what her fur felt like and what it was like, the details of having her *right here*, etc.

My husband was eager to bring in a new pup, which was not easy for me. I gave in and part of me was ready, but part was not. Winnie and her sister were very much alike and so easy-going, even as pups esp Lily, Winnie's sister. Bringing in Pepper was difficult. She is finally acclimating to us, but sometimes it's still hard. Unfortunately my husband learns lessons the hard way and with our schedule, routines, and health issue a puppy wasn't really the best choice for us. But we had to make it work. She is so much like Winnie and sometimes it's neat I guess, other times it makes me sad.

It pains me to see so many people upset and regretting releasing their pets from chronic pain. Here and my other support group. I hate to see people beating themselves up so much. I suffer from chronic pain to the point where it depresses me and I can't hardly function. It's a horrible thing. I want to speak up about it but it's a delicate topic and I don't want to offend. Releasing our pets from that when it's their time, I know it's bound to cause guilt. It's natural. But some days I wish I didn't have to feel my pain and I know one day I could very well not want to go on myself. I feel like we really do the right thing and I hate to see so many people hate on themselves for letting their babies go when the pets can't live like that. If your baby can't eat or sleep or move, I think a person really should forgive themselves for it. Chronic pain is it's own special hell.

With Winnie, I'm starting to look back on the time and really feel happy about all those days and times I had with her. I still feel sad - a lot. Always will miss her. But I also have moments where I feel rewarded and happy that I got to have her and that she was brought into my life. It was such a great time. We smile and laugh about the memories. I'm glad that I can have those along with the tears now instead of just the tears. But it's a long road. I'm a long way from being OK.
Quote 0 0
anniesmommy
I made the decision to euthanize my beloved Lab mix a week ago. She most likely had intestinal lymphoma, but to give her enough sedative to do the test to find out for sure could have killed her. She had lost 10 pounds in two months, lost interest in eating and had to have intravenous fluids to hydrate her a few days before the fateful decision. She was 15, a fine old age for a large dog, and yet her quality of life was gone. Like most of you, I am still wondering if I made the choice too soon, if I should have taken her to yet another, fourth, vet. Yes, I'm pretty much wracked with guilt, and yet when I'm centered and calm, I can feel her spirit with me. She has even sent me signs...a cloud shaped just like her, a rainbow beam of light directed at me and pulsing with energy.This may sound woowoo to some, but I encourage those who don't find it crazy to be aware and look for these comforting signs. You will just know you're not imagining anything.Your baby doesn't want you to hurt.

The spirit of a beloved pet stays with us always, waiting for us at the rainbow bridge.
Quote 0 0