larisonkd
Today, I made the hardest decision I think possible.  I asked the vet to him to sleep.  Here is the story.  Cooper is (was) the most magnificent, lovable Airedale.  He was diagnosed with lymphoma just this July.  He had completed two treatments and was feeling perkier and happier.  Excruciatingly sad was that on the day before his next treatment, he and another dog got in to quite a tussle.  I tried to stop it, but ended up with nineteen stitches in my hand.  The two dogs ran out of steam in about two minutes.  Cooper received the worst of it.  This tussle happened at about 7:00 p. m.  I called my sister, a nurse, to come to my house to clean the dogs up and apply antibacterial cream.  Cooper seemed tired, but other than that he was doing okay.  Then, it was time to go to the ER for my hand.  A couple of hours later, the dog still seemed tired, but okay.  However, in the morning, Cooper's temperature was up and a bite on his chest had gotten puffy.  I took him right away to the vet, where they gave him intravenous antibiotics and fluids.  He stayed at the vet overnight, so his progress could be monitored every thirty minutes.  Today at around 1:00 p. m., I made the decision to let him go.  It truly was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and I'm in my fifties.  Because of the chemo medication, his white blood cell count was very low.  He was struggling to heal his wounds, but after about twenty-four hours, to no avail.  His face and neck had been shaved and those areas were very swollen.  They could not administer first-aid to those areas until they got his vital signs under control.  The doctor said the probability of getting the vital signs stabilized was very low.  I hugged him and laid my head to talk to him as he was put to sleep.  It was heart wrenching.  I am feeling so many emotions all at once.  I am overwhelmed with sadness.  I am mad at myself because I did not think ahead in order to prevent the whole incidence.  I should have taken him to the vet that very night.  He did not deserve to die in this awful way.  I failed him, and he was only two years and ten months old.  He was supposed to live for so much longer.  My family does not really understand my raw and strong emotions.  For that reason, I decided to post.  Perhaps your stories or suggestions will be able to supply some comfort.  Thank you for letting me ramble.
Kathy
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Valley_hughes
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I had to get my 15 year old baby Peanut put to sleep on Monday. It is the most agonizing thing I have gone through. This group has been the most helpful for me. Posting pictures and stories has been like therapy. Just remember that you are not alone! We are all hear with you.
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Purzel
Kathy,

I am so sorry you lost your beloved Cooper in such tragic way. Be sure you did everything possible to save him risking to be injured yourself (which you were), calling your sister who is a nurse immediately, rushing him to the vet... but sometimes things unfortunately do not turn out the way we had wished for. You took so much care for sweet Cooper when you received his diagnosis - you did everything that could have been done. You never failed him and I am very sure he knew he was loved so dearly.

We are not capable to predict one second of our future so there is no reason to be mad at yourself. The loss itself is painful enough and guilt does not make it any better. Accidents can happen any minute as soon as we step outside with our dogs.... how can we prevent this? We can't! Please allow yourself some time to sort out your still very raw and strong emotions and try to be extra good to yourself.

This is a very safe place, we are all here for you - write whatever you wish, cry, scream, ramble - we understand. And when the time is right, tell us something about your sweet Cooper.

My thoughts are with you
Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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larisonkd
Thank you so much!  I don't feel like I can talk to my family.  They are more worried about me and don't understand how I would get between the dogs.  Honestly, I didn't even think.  I just reacted.  I'm going to the hand doctor today and kind of wish that there will be some permanent damage...like a forever punishment for my inability to save him.  I have many things to share about Cooper.  Here is one...I loved the way he would walk with me when I picked up poop in the backyard.  When I let my arm hang down beside my body, my hand was in the exact right spot to rest it on the top of his head.  Such a small thing, but I am going to miss it.  I am trying to be strong for my other dogs.  They know something is wrong.  I am also super paranoid that if I turn away for even a second that something awful will happen to them.  It just plain stinks...thanks for listening.  I'll share more later.
Kathy
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Tankie12
Kathy that’s one of my sweetest and most missed memories about my girl, Tankie. She would just place her head under my hand while I walked about the back yard, I’m here Mom. Things I want to always remember. I’m sorry for your loss,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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MAlcindor
Kathy, I am so sorry for your loss. I can relate, I lost my Bailey to a dog attack. It is so heart wrenching and awful. The guilt and all the what if's and I should've will drive you crazy if you let it. I was lucky I was not injured during the attack but I wish I could have taken the brunt of it if it could have saved my Bailey. Like you, I reacted but the dog didn't bother with me. It is very traumatic and it still haunts me. No one will ever understand your pain, it is yours alone to feel and you will deal with it at your own pace. Again, I'm very sorry.
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Purzel
Kathy,
I think it is the small things we miss most - the painful part of this is that there are so so many of those small things. My heart goes out to you.
((Hugs))
Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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larisonkd
it is comforting to know that others understand.  I am very sorry for your losses, too.  How did you make the feelings of guilt manageable?  I feel like they are eating me up inside.  Do they ever fade?  I know this may sound weird, but I talk to him out loud.  I want to hope that on some level he hears me.  I also have a baggie of his hair...not much, just enough to remind me of how it curled.  Again, thanks for listening.
Kathy
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