My sweet girl, Fishstick, passed away last Thursday, July 25th, from mast cell. I called the hospice vet at 5:30 in the morning to come to our home and help her cross over. She went downhill so fast, in a matter of hours, and her last hours were painful. I felt the most loving thing I could do was help her die at home, in our bed, with her family around her. My heart aches for her everyday. I haven't stopped crying and I am barely functioning. She was my life for 14 years. We went through a lot together. Two moves, a divorce, a new marriage (she loves her new daddy), a new cat buddy, my cancer scare, her cancer and so many nights just hanging out together. Whatever changes came our way, she rolled with them with no problem. When she was diagnosed with mast cell 3 years ago, our routine started to include oncology appointments and treatments. She took her medicine, bit the vet a few times and then cuddled with me when we got home, everything in stride. When the stairs became too hard for her, I carried her. When she started to hide, I brought her food to her. We were a team and there was so much love. I'm trying to think of all the good times. The way she loved to be held and cuddled, all the Christmases and snuggles and mischief and all the playtime, but it is hard to quash thoughts of being without her or her last hours. They keep creeping in. My other cat, Minion, has started looking for her. He looks in her spots and then meows at me. Our house just feels changed now that she is gone. I have never had many friends, she was my best friend. I love her so much. I don't know how to be without her.
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet girl Fishstick. She is so beautiful, and her sparkling personality shines right through her pictures. I really do understand what you are going through as I have lost three beloved kitties in a span of five years. My seven year old Jasper left this world because of a brain tumor five years ago, my thirteen year old little girl Pootie Tang lost her battle with cancer one and a half years ago in February, and my darling Jingles died in my arms this past January, and I think time is what took him away from me. He was almost 18 and he did live a good long life, but no matter how much time we have with them, it is never long enough. I miss them all so much, more than words could ever say.
My dear little Pootie Tang had mammary gland cancer and I could not believe how quickly it started to her away from me. Before I knew it, physically she was a shadow of her former self, although she still had the most courageous and indomitable spirit. The doctor told me that it was a very aggressive cancer, and surgery would only give her two more months, if that, and she may not even make it through, and it would be quite painful, so I just pretty much did what you did with your baby, and I brought her food to her, I carried her around, I made sure she was as comfortable as possible, and I loved her, oh how I loved her. I used to take her to the doctor for her antibiotic shot which helped a bit with the tumor, but the helpful effects would only last for two weeks. She would sometimes stare up at me with those beautiful eyes of hers, like she was asking me, Mommy, what's wrong with me, and why do I feel so bad all the time? It used to just tear me up inside because I felt so powerless to help her. If I could have traded places with her I would have, with no hesitation.
Your words brought tears to my eyes when you wrote that you just do not know how to be without her. I so understand that and I can relate. I just don't know how to exist in a world where my precious little ones do not. My Pootie Tang had started hiding a lot in the closet, and the only thing that would bring her out is a sweet little song called Thy Will Be Done. Whenever I would play it, out she would come to lay on me and purr away. I play it so often now, and I can sometimes still feel her sweetness and love all around me. It is so good that you have another kitty Minion to be strong for, that really does help. I am all alone now, just me and my memories, but they will hopefully sustain me until I see my babies again. I know this is not a good way to live your life, but sometimes I will wake up in the morning and think, one day closer. I do try to live my life the way they did, and I want to make them as proud of me as I am of them. I so want their legacy to be one of hope, light, and promise, and I would give anything for this sadness to be over, but this is the price we pay for love, when we love deep, the pain is deep. And I would not trade one single moment with them to avoid the devastation of losing them, and I would do it all over again, because the never knowing them would be the real tragedy.
My three angels and I were such a team also, and I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be where I am right now, not having them here with me. With each of my losses, I could literally feel my heart breaking into a tiny million pieces, and I am not sure if those pieces will ever come back together again. Again I am so very sorry for your loss of your beautiful girl, and your love for her shines right through every single word you write about her. Take care Tara, and please know that I wish you hope in your heart and courage in your soul, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and know that one day instead of mourning her passing, you will be able to celebrate her life, but getting to that point is not easy, but your dear little one would not want it any other way. Your Fishstick is still so close, as close as you calling out her name. The bond cannot be broken, and the love never dies, it just keeps getting stronger. May the sweetness and light of your sweet Fishstick light your path today, tomorrow, and always, and remember that she is still so close, in every way that counts. Hugs, Pamela