FishsticksMom
My sweet girl, Fishstick, passed away last Thursday, July 25th, from mast cell. I called the hospice vet at 5:30 in the morning to come to our home and help her cross over. She went downhill so fast, in a matter of hours, and her last hours were painful. I felt the most loving thing I could do was help her die at home, in our bed, with her family around her. My heart aches for her everyday. I haven't stopped crying and I am barely functioning. She was my life for 14 years. We went through a lot together. Two moves, a divorce, a new marriage (she loves her new daddy), a new cat buddy, my cancer scare, her cancer and so many nights just hanging out together. Whatever changes came our way, she rolled with them with no problem. When she was diagnosed with mast cell 3 years ago, our routine started to include oncology appointments and treatments. She took her medicine, bit the vet a few times and then cuddled with me when we got home, everything in stride. When the stairs became too hard for her, I carried her. When she started to hide, I brought her food to her. We were a team and there was so much love. I'm trying to think of all the good times. The way she loved to be held and cuddled, all the Christmases and snuggles and mischief and all the playtime, but it is hard to quash thoughts of being without her or her last hours. They keep creeping in. My other cat, Minion, has started looking for her. He looks in her spots and then meows at me. Our house just feels changed now that she is gone. I have never had many friends, she was my best friend. I love her so much. I don't know how to be without her.
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Memories_of_Marmalade

Dear Tara,

Thank you for sharing some of your and your beloved "Fishsticks" (what a delightful name!) story with us and those wonderful photos. I am always taken aback viewing photos of members pets here and seeing the "knowingness" in their eyes. As your sweet Fishsticks shows "Knowingness" in her photo. You can easily see in the photo of you and she together how much you mutually loved, cherished and adored each other. I am very glad that your paths crossed when they did.

You wrote:

"My heart aches for her everyday. I haven't stopped crying and I am barely functioning. She was my life for 14 years. We went through a lot together. Two moves, a divorce, a new marriage (she loves her new daddy), a new cat buddy, my cancer scare, her cancer and so many nights just hanging out together."

I recently lost my boy, an orange & white tabby cat named "Marmalade". I met him over 850 miles away on the dusty streets of the high desert country of New Mexico. Where he was the King of a colony of stray and feral cats that I began to feed, in a small barrio town called "Bernalillo." Which was used as a location for the cable TV series "Breaking Bad" due to it's toughness and a bar where bikers used to fight.

"Whatever changes came our way, she rolled with them with no problem. When she was diagnosed with mast cell 3 years ago, our routine started to include oncology appointments and treatments. She took her medicine, bit the vet a few times and then cuddled with me when we got home, everything in stride."

Marmalade also bit his last Vet and would attack the nursing staff ( which included a few males. ) But like you said, he always took it in stride and when we got home he would sit or lay on my lap as if nothing had happened. When I would force him to take his medicine (piggie in a blanket style), he would scream and hiss and then sit or lay on my lap and purr a few minutes later. He never held a grudge against me.

"When the stairs became too hard for her, I carried her. When she started to hide, I brought her food to her. We were a team and there was so much love. I'm trying to think of all the good times. The way she loved to be held and cuddled, all the Christmases and snuggles and mischief and all the playtime, but it is hard to quash thoughts of being without her or her last hours. They keep creeping in. "

Yes. Marmalade and I were "a team" too. We had our own Secret Mutual Admiration Society that consisted of just he and I. Which was just the way that we liked it. He went through so much coping with his chronic health problems and trying to recover. He was such a brave & courageous lad.

"Our house just feels changed now that she is gone. I have never had many friends, she was my best friend. I love her so much. I don't know how to be without her."

"Marmalade" was my best friend too. I had always wanted a best friend, my entire life, but never found one. And it took me over 5 decades for my path to cross with my Marmalade. He was my best friend, my brother, my son, my comrade in arms, my only remaining family member, my love, and my light.

I too "do not know how to be", without my beloved. : *** I

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James
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FishsticksMom
James,
My deepest gratitude to you for your condolences for Fishstick. I think she and Marmalade would have had quite a few stories of vet assaults to share with one another. Fishstick found her oncologist quite easy to sink her teeth into on more than one occasion. I figured he deserved it. She was always a great judge of character.
It is nice to know that there are people out there who understand the bond one has with their animal friends and that the grief of their loss is real and deep and unforgiving.
Fishstick was the absolute light of my life. She chose me, walking into my apartment 14 years ago and lounging under the coffee table. We have been inseparable ever since. I have found that a lot of people in our lives can often disappoint and be judgemental and unaccepting but our pets are unconditional. They know all our quirks and secrets. They listen to us without judgment. They share the things we like to do when noone else will and we do the same for them. Fishstick watched old movies with me and and I was fine that she detested Youtube videos played on my phone to the point she would meow and knock the phone out of my hand. (She really hated social media) They just love you for sake of love itself. This was Fishstick and I am sure this was Marmalade. He sounds like a true hero of a cat.
Again, thank you for your kind words as I move through this devastating time. Maybe one day, once this loss is not so fresh, I will be able to post stories about Fishstick the way you do about Marmalade. I feel it honors them and, ultimately, heals us.
Warm regards and condolences,
Tara
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Jan_H
I am very sorry for your loss of your sweet, beautiful girl Fishstick. From the pictures and your words it is clear that she was very special, very loving and very much loved. I agree that people can disappoint but pets show us unconditional love without judging. They don't care what we look like, if we do something smart or something foolish, ... They still love us the same, even when we take them to the evil vet.

In time I hope the good memories bring you some comfort.

My condolences,
Jan
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FishsticksMom
Thank you Jan_H Your kind words and understanding is very much appreciated. It has been hard losing her. I'm grateful for this forum but heartbroken that we all need to be here.
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redgirlraven
I am so very sorry for your loss.
The death that Fish-stick had is how I hoped my Roary would pass, but in the end I failed him and didn’t have the strength. I tried for a last second miracle cure surgery and failed and he died without me on the OR table. You did a noble thing in how you managed the death of your beautiful Fishstick. You gave your kitty a beautiful exit and now you are left with the grief. I am so sorry for that. I hope we all find some peace on here.
AR
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FishsticksMom
Thank you redgirlraven. I appreciate your kindness and offer the same to you. I am so sorry for your loss of Roary. I know you loved him. It is hard to let go and grief is overwhelming. I hope you know that Roary is watching over you now. It is his turn to help you through. I know Fishstick is somewhere, finally free of pain, watching out for me. Peace to you, Tara.
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JinglesMom
FishsticksMom wrote:
My sweet girl, Fishstick, passed away last Thursday, July 25th, from mast cell. I called the hospice vet at 5:30 in the morning to come to our home and help her cross over. She went downhill so fast, in a matter of hours, and her last hours were painful. I felt the most loving thing I could do was help her die at home, in our bed, with her family around her. My heart aches for her everyday. I haven't stopped crying and I am barely functioning. She was my life for 14 years. We went through a lot together. Two moves, a divorce, a new marriage (she loves her new daddy), a new cat buddy, my cancer scare, her cancer and so many nights just hanging out together. Whatever changes came our way, she rolled with them with no problem. When she was diagnosed with mast cell 3 years ago, our routine started to include oncology appointments and treatments. She took her medicine, bit the vet a few times and then cuddled with me when we got home, everything in stride. When the stairs became too hard for her, I carried her. When she started to hide, I brought her food to her. We were a team and there was so much love. I'm trying to think of all the good times. The way she loved to be held and cuddled, all the Christmases and snuggles and mischief and all the playtime, but it is hard to quash thoughts of being without her or her last hours. They keep creeping in. My other cat, Minion, has started looking for her. He looks in her spots and then meows at me. Our house just feels changed now that she is gone. I have never had many friends, she was my best friend. I love her so much. I don't know how to be without her.


Dear Tara,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet girl Fishstick. She is so beautiful, and her sparkling personality shines right through her pictures. I really do understand what you are going through as I have lost three beloved kitties in a span of five years. My seven year old Jasper left this world because of a brain tumor five years ago, my thirteen year old little girl Pootie Tang lost her battle with cancer one and a half years ago in February, and my darling Jingles died in my arms this past January, and I think time is what took him away from me. He was almost 18 and he did live a good long life, but no matter how much time we have with them, it is never long enough. I miss them all so much, more than words could ever say.

My dear little Pootie Tang had mammary gland cancer and I could not believe how quickly it started to her away from me. Before I knew it, physically she was a shadow of her former self, although she still had the most courageous and indomitable spirit. The doctor told me that it was a very aggressive cancer, and surgery would only give her two more months, if that, and she may not even make it through, and it would be quite painful, so I just pretty much did what you did with your baby, and I brought her food to her, I carried her around, I made sure she was as comfortable as possible, and I loved her, oh how I loved her. I used to take her to the doctor for her antibiotic shot which helped a bit with the tumor, but the helpful effects would only last for two weeks. She would sometimes stare up at me with those beautiful eyes of hers, like she was asking me, Mommy, what's wrong with me, and why do I feel so bad all the time? It used to just tear me up inside because I felt so powerless to help her. If I could have traded places with her I would have, with no hesitation.

Your words brought tears to my eyes when you wrote that you just do not know how to be without her. I so understand that and I can relate. I just don't know how to exist in a world where my precious little ones do not. My Pootie Tang had started hiding a lot in the closet, and the only thing that would bring her out is a sweet little song called Thy Will Be Done. Whenever I would play it, out she would come to lay on me and purr away. I play it so often now, and I can sometimes still feel her sweetness and love all around me. It is so good that you have another kitty Minion to be strong for, that really does help. I am all alone now, just me and my memories, but they will hopefully sustain me until I see my babies again. I know this is not a good way to live your life, but sometimes I will wake up in the morning and think, one day closer. I do try to live my life the way they did, and I want to make them as proud of me as I am of them. I so want their legacy to be one of hope, light, and promise, and I would give anything for this sadness to be over, but this is the price we pay for love, when we love deep, the pain is deep. And I would not trade one single moment with them to avoid the devastation of losing them, and I would do it all over again, because the never knowing them would be the real tragedy.

My three angels and I were such a team also, and I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be where I am right now, not having them here with me. With each of my losses, I could literally feel my heart breaking into a tiny million pieces, and I am not sure if those pieces will ever come back together again. Again I am so very sorry for your loss of your beautiful girl, and your love for her shines right through every single word you write about her. Take care Tara, and please know that I wish you hope in your heart and courage in your soul, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and know that one day instead of mourning her passing, you will be able to celebrate her life, but getting to that point is not easy, but your dear little one would not want it any other way.  Your Fishstick is still so close, as close as you calling out her name. The bond cannot be broken, and the love never dies, it just keeps getting stronger. May the sweetness and light of your sweet Fishstick light your path today, tomorrow, and always, and remember that she is still so close, in every way that counts. Hugs, Pamela
Pamela Lynne Crawford
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FishsticksMom
JinglesMom, Your kind words touched my heart. They come at a much needed time as today is a week since she passed. You are so right, I wouldn't trade an ounce of this grief if it meant I never would have had her in my life. Every tear is worth the years of joy she gave.
I am so sorry for the loss of your three babies. Being without your best friends is devastating and, yes, the days seem long and tedious. We will power through, though, because they would want the sunlight in our lives again. Fishstick loved a good sunbeam.

Regards,
Tara
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gabbygirl999
wow, i feel your exact pain.  I had to put my sweet girl down on July 22.  She was 15, had dementia, was blind and deaf...but such a trooper through it all.  I knew it was time...she had no quality of life.  What a hard decision it is for us to make.  My home is also sad an empty but after a week of crying and depression I somehow, with support of friends and family, am not once again functioning.  I was crying and staring at walls.  I love her and she gave her love back...so her suffering ended and now so does mine.  Find a way to keep her with you but still move on.  It is hard...who knew it would hurt this much.  Good luck.
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DoggieDad
Hi Tara,

I’m sorry for your loss. Pets teach us about love and loss. I just wish the order were reversed. I’m curious how she came to be named Fishstick.

Rob
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Hi Tara,

I know today is 2 weeks for you since you lost your beloved Fishsticks. Like so many of us, a Thursday. I hope you are okay and taking care and healing up some.

Hugs,
James
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FishsticksMom
Thank you James and everyone for your kind words. I took some time for reflection and getting back to a place filled with positive memories. I miss her very much and it seems like years even though it has been only two weeks. I forget she is not here sometimes and have actually gone to check on her only to be jolted back to reality. We took care of each other for so long, it is hard to break from routine. My other kitties help as I need to be there for them and I love them very much. Thank God for them.
Cheers,
Tara
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Thanks for checking in Tara. Yes, always good to pull-back. I will begin to do so too shortly. Glad you are hanging in there. Thanks for touching base. Take care 'cause we care.

All best,
James
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