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Allmylove

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hi Guys, new here and im sorry if this is a little long. Ive grown weary of trying to talk with friends and family. I think Ive fallen into depression after losing my baby, Sherlock, suddenly last August (2018). I finally found this website and Im hoping for some support, advice, guidance. Anything. Sherlock and I were together for 15 years. 24/7. She and I had been thru a lot over the years. She was my constant one thing I could count on. She was there waiting for me at home. When I was sick, she would sit on my stomach and purr, sending vibrations for healing. She had this sense of peace that I felt with her. Its like she knew everything about me. I put her above all. I enjoyed staying at home, because I just wanted to be near her. If i was at home, I would always be wondering where she was, if she needed something like food or to go out. I spent more money on her than I ever did with myself. Food, toys, doctor bills, health, etc. I even taught her to understand simple sign language with sound. Funny, but true! She and I had our own little way of communicating and talking. I had asked the Universe after my 1st kitty passed, that if her essence was still floating around, that she find her way back to me. It took 3 years, but one night as I was jogging in my local park, I saw a young kitty ahead. She started to go towards this couple, but when she saw me, she stopped and just starting running towards me. Jumped up in my arms and that was it. I knew. She had come back, finally.  Im only hoping that she finds her way back again, because im still grieving and the pain and tears that come, hurts so much. I     now have to experience "firsts" all over again. We shared a birthday (bc i didnt know when she was actually born). This year, i had to celebrate alone, physically. I got really sick with a tooth infection and all I wanted was her, because she would comfort me. So many other "Firsts" that I have to experience, alone now, physically. I have her paw prints and collar that I can grab when Im feeling very low. When she passed, i took her home and buried her next to my 1st kitty. Few days later, I was told that we had to leave my childhood home after 20 plus years. It was a whirlwind and I wanted to spend so much more tyme with her. I cant go out and sit down and just be there with her physical body anymore. That kills me, but one thing that im grateful for is that I did take her Memorial belongings and place them outside my window of the new house. It does give me comfort. Her battery candle that i have doesnt like to turn on and rarely does, but there have been moments when I havent stopped crying and mourning or thinking of her and ill look out and her candle is on. People can think what they want, I know its her reaching out. It makes me so sad, but it also make s me so happy! I just dont know if ill ever stop grieving. It took me 6 months to mention her name and tell a story about her. I pretty much cry everyday. What has helped you guys? and thank you for listening, really means a lot. 


sherlock 1.png  sherlock 2.jpg  sherlock 3.jpg 

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Ceceliadempsey3

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Reply with quote  #2 
Oh your Kitty was just beautiful.  I know your grief.  I just put down my dog almost 2 weeks ago.  I have not stopped crying since.  I don't have much advice, as Thatcher my (labrador/newfoundland mix) was my first pet ever and I never experienced this horrible pain in my heart before.  My friends always had dogs, cats but never me.  I could never relate when they talked about the bound they had with their animals.  OMG as much as i hurt now and cry A LOT,  I would definitely do it all over again to be with my Thatcher.  I am heartbroken.  I try to keep myself busy and force myself to go out with friends and when I do i feel a little better,  but then out of nowhere i burst into tears.  When i saw your still feeling depressed after a year, I really feel so sad.  I don't know if there is a time limit on grief but if you feel like you are still depressed maybe professional help.  I have added extra visits to my therapist and I too just found this support group.  Hopefully, someone where can give you better advice.  But know I know the hurt and grief are real.  Sending you hugs and will send out good vibes to the universe that you will be able to come to terms with your grief. 
Hugs from Cecelia
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #3 

Dear Allmylove,

One look at Sherlock and you can see just how very special she was. What a sentient face! Her eyes show the depth of her spirit! Seriously, she makes me realize how truly special cats are. There was something magical & mystical about her. And you can tell that you truly loved and adored her. : )  

I lost my lad Marmalade 4 weeks ago the day after tomorrow. We were only together for 4.2 years. He was around 13 years old + according to two Vets (they thought.)  He was my best friend, my son, my brother, my only family, my comrade in arms, and my company. He stuck with through me through thick & thin. We were both chronically ill and watched over one another. We would hold a vigil for one another if that is what it took. I would be having a long bout with migraine headaches and he would stay in the vicinity of me. Just enough to know that he was near but not to disturb me. And every now and then he would gently approach me to check on me and purr, to try and calm me, and then he would go back to his nearby perch, to keep an eye on me. Even if I was screaming into a pillow or vomiting (sorry to be graphic) he never veered. He was right there. He knew when to come closer instinctively. 

He was with me during some of the most dark and difficult times in my life. Through homelessness (we lived in 5 motels) severe depression, anxiety, PTSD etc. Always was noble, regal, loyal, respectful, cooperative, silly, kind, sweet and true. And tough as nails. I adopted him in New Mexico where he had been an Alpha Male Tom Cat, the "King" (despite his health issues) of a colony of feral's and strays. The females adored him. He was always gentle with the kittens. I could only take him with me back to the West Coast as the others were too wild or the neighbors wanted a few. The home we were living at was being remodeled and we had to vacate.

I am so glad I adopted him and brought him back with me to Los Angeles. We had many adventures together and memorable experiences and times. I feel blessed that our paths crossed when they did, as yours and Sherlock's paths crossed when they did. There was no way I was going to leave Marmalade behind in New Mexico.

We had 2 years 2 weeks together in L.A. in our warehouse. I used to tell Marmalade when he was sitting on my lap "THIS is OUR time together. One of us may not be here, BOTH of us may not be here someday, but right NOW...THIS IS OUR TIME." And we would feel content, grateful and blessed. He would give me these looks as if to say "THIS IS THE BEST!" To have a roof over our heads, some food in our belly's, a rickety old heater, TV, some solitude, safety and security and each other.

In the end I had to put him to sleep. It was beyond heartbreaking, but he was suffering too much and I could only think about ending that. I could not allow him to continue to deteriorate on my watch. But I am filled with guilt, remorse and regret. But as someone said "by ending their suffering, we agree to take on their suffering onto ourselves."

I've been reading this message board and two others the past couple of weeks, trying to cope with my grief. Learning that I am not alone. Trying to pick-up wisdom where I can. There IS wisdom and experience here. And some very kind, compassionate and good people. I am grateful to have found this message board.

Take care. Be gentle with yourself. Travel through time. Try and heal at your pace. God bless & keep you. RIP Sherlock & Marmalade. 

My boy "Marmalade" shown below:

[image]




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Lrogers424

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Reply with quote  #4 
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved companion Sherlock.  You can see her intelligence and poise from your photos and how "tuned in" she was to you.  I am coming up also on my one year without my sweet pup, Daisy.  I lost her lost July 6th, 2018 to cancer.  I still mourn her loss and not a day goes by when I don't talk with her and wish I could have just one more day, hour or minute with her.  We all understand your grief here, I too experienced the shutting down of family and friends when I needed to talk about her.  Sherlock was not just a cat or pet to you.  Just like Daisy was to me, Sherlock was your family, friend, confidant, soul mate and baby all rolled into one.  I love the story you told about how Sherlock found you.  You were open to love then, and it sounds like you still are when the time is right. 

I wish you peace and healing at your own pace and know there are many friends here who understand and have walked down the same heartbreaking path.  We are all here to support you and listen.

Take care of yourself.



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Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom
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Allmylove

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Reply with quote  #5 
im sorry for responding so late, I guess Ive been taken aback by the absolute heartfelt warmth that I have received. My family and friends have really never come close to what you all have said about Sherlock and it made me feel special, in a way, and happy that you all saw and felt what I had with her. All of your stories about your babies are so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. You're right, Lori, our furbabies are "family, friend, confidant, soul mate and baby all rolled into one" and the grief is so strong, because we literally just lost our whole system and it takes a long tyme to come back from all the loss. I will light a white candle tonight for Thatcher, Marmalade, Daisy, and Sherlock tonight. I cant express how much your words and reaching out, has meant to me. Thank you for helping me.
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #6 


: ************************************************ (

XOXO
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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hi Allmylove,

I’m so so sorry for the loss of your love, your baby, Sherlock. What a beautiful kitty. You can tell the love between you two from your photos. She is quite magical and the photo of her in the field of flowers is absolutely gorgeous.

I just recently lost my baby, my hero, my best friend, Bubby last Thursday from kidney failure. We had to help him cross over to the Rainbow Bridge and it was the worst experience of my life. Like myself and others here, we’ve all lost these so dear and special companions to us. We experience so much unbearable pain, grief, loss, hurt, guilt...you name it. I’m still in the stage of disbelief that my sweet baby boy isn’t here. Looking for him in the house and he’s no where to be found. He would have been 10 this July.

I’m not sure about any advice since I’m still in the thick of the grief myself but just know there are some very wonderful people here. They listen and they know. I hope this gets easier as I can barely function. I’m functioning enough to take care of my 8 month old baby girl and Bubbys littermate/sister Lola.

This all seems like one horrible horrible dream that keeps going. I wish I could wake up to my little man giving me his Bubby hugs like he did every morning.

Be kind to yourself and know we’re all here to listen and truly do know the feelings you have.

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Bubby's (Milo) Mommy - Always & Forever My Little Man 💜

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Doxiemom

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Reply with quote  #8 
She was very beautiful . The only thing that has helped me is time. I also feel a sense of peace because I have my pup’s remains back at home with me. It has been three weeks since my Bailey crossed over. I will always love him.
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